


Bildungsromance

by JWMelmoth



Series: Bildungsromance I & II [1]
Category: Glee
Genre: Implied/Referenced Suicidal Thoughts, Implied/Referenced Underage Drinking, Implied/Referenced Underage Sex, Klaine Break-Up, M/M, Not Beta Read, Not Blaine or Klaine Friendly, S4 AU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-11-30
Updated: 2016-02-10
Packaged: 2018-05-19 14:23:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 19
Words: 54,110
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5970190
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JWMelmoth/pseuds/JWMelmoth
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>At some point, everyone needs to grow up. This story adds some sorely needed 'missing scenes' to canon events and follows Sebastian and Kurt during their last year in high school (Glee s3) and the months after graduation (early s4). Written for NaNoWriMo 2012.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This was my first Glee fic, written during the Glee winter hiatus in November 2012. It was originally posted on fanfiction.net without a beta because I didn't know anyone in the fandom back then. I have decided to migrate it here without editing; all mistakes are from my 2012 self.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Introduction of Sebastian Smythe

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Timeframe: early season 3

"Be careful with my stuff," Sebastian scolded half-heartedly as he watched the taxi driver put his suitcase down on the gravel of the Dalton Academy driveway. The man paid him no heed and rounded the car, getting back into the driver’s seat and starting the engine without a word. His fare had been paid for beforehand, so being polite would not earn him an extra tip. Sebastian watched him go and scowled at the red taillights disappearing into the dark before turning to face the large mansion. Here it was. Dalton Academy for Boys. It had cost his mother a lot of tears to persuade his father to enroll him here instead of military school, and yet Sebastian already hated the look of it. It looked like an asylum. He sighed and bent down awkwardly to pick up his suitcase. His ribs hurt. On his last night in Paris, as a final act of defiance, he had gotten a tattoo there. Negligence and a chafing night on the plane had caused it to get infected. It felt like someone had kicked him in the chest- _or maybe that was just heartache_ , Sebastian thought, and grimaced. Fuck that. He didn’t do sentimentality. He straightened and started towards the entrance. A boys-only boarding school in fucking Ohio. It didn’t get more provincial than that. He sighed. The Dean had invited him and his parents for the intake meeting, but his father was busy and his mother had been unable to deal with the stress, so they had kept goodbyes formal and short. He had hardly seen them since he had flown back from Paris, anyway. Unwilling to adjust to Ohio’s time zone (because even _that_ was provincial), Sebastian had prolonged his jet-lag by getting up in the middle of the night when everyone was in bed and falling asleep during the day, long before his father came home from the office. He was tired now too. He had slept in the taxi, but it was 5 am in Europe, almost time to get up. He’d probably start feeling more awake soon.

*

"It’s a shame we couldn’t get your academic record in time for your transfer," the Dean remarked, looking down at the paperwork on his desk before glancing at the boy sitting across from him. "One would think that a fine school such as the Louis le Grand would manage to arrange that, even if they _are_ in Europe. But I suppose the French are very _laissez-faire_ about it," he joked. Sebastian resisted the urge to roll his eyes. This was the second lame French reference the man had made in five minutes. It didn’t surprise him that his record wasn’t there- he didn’t exactly _have_ much of a record at Louis. He hadn’t attended many of the classes. His father would have made sure Dalton didn’t know that- they’d hardly take him in if they knew he had been expelled. He wondered what strings his dad had pulled.

"You know, your dad and I go way back. Edward’s an old friend of mine."

Ah. That explained it. _Such_ a good friend of his dad’s, that Sebastian had never heard the man’s name, or the name of the school he ran, let alone seen him on any of the social networking parties his father held during the year. More likely, his father had dirt on him- state attorneys knew a lot about a lot of people. While the Dean blabbed on about fishing trips and their old school’s rowing team, Sebastian let his mind wander and considered that the guy could be guilty of.

Embezzlement? Pedophilia? He smiled politely at the appropriate moments and wondered if the man had been fiddling with his students. Maybe some of them used it to get themselves out of detention? It would come in handy to get confirmation on that. Not that he’d consider it- but just in case. Anything would be better than military school.

"...I’m sure you’ll get along. Thaddeus Ashford is one of our model students. We usually room up our new students with established Daltonians, to help them get settled in. Just attach yourself to him and they’ll show you around. Here’s your key."

Sebastian blinked, and he leaned over too quickly to take the key. His head spun a little and the movement shot a spark of pain through his ribs. Wait- what had the guy said? He was _sharing_ a room? God, what were the odds that this guy was a complete douche?

*  
  
Sebastian gave the blazer kid a bland look after the boy had brought his charge to room 203. He had been telling Sebastian some details about the school building that Sebastian had mostly ignored. It was a pretentious school in Ohio. What could possibly be so interesting about it? Now, the student seemed to be waiting for something. What was his name again? Trevor? Trent?

"Merci," Sebastian mumbled vaguely, and kept it at that until the boy realized he wasn’t going to be invited in and trotted off. Sebastian sighed. It was 6 am in _real time_ , what did anyone expect from him? In Paris, he'd coming home from a club round about now, maybe taking a d-tour to stop by the bakery off campus to flirt with the baker's son to score some free croissants. But he wasn't in Paris right now. He was at Dalton. Sebastian sighed. In Paris...life went on without him.

Sebastian opened the door with his key and dragged his suitcase inside. He looked up as he saw movement in the corner of his eye. A dark-haired boy was sitting at one of the two desks, writing down something in a leather-bound notebook. Over his desk, he had put up a poster of two bare-chested guys fencing. Huh. So the clichés about boarding school were actually true? That should make his stay a bit more interesting, at least. Sebastian briefly glanced over the boy as he considered his candidacy. He was definitely too preppy. In fact, he looked plain and boring. Sebastian quickly dismissed him as a potential. The boy looked up at him and cleared his throat. "My name is Thaddeus Ashford," he said formally, got up, and held out his hand.

"Okay," Sebastian replied, sounding a little bored. He let himself fall down on the other bed without taking the boy's hand and took in the room. It was small, but clean enough, though it did smell like the other boy's cologne. "I'm Sebastian Smythe."

"Yes, the Dean told me you would be arriving today. Welcome to Dalton. I'm sure you'll like it here." Thad sounded polite, though if Sebastian had been less tired, he might have noticed the crisp edges to his voice that showed his irritation.

"I find that unlikely," he muttered, and pulled his suitcase closer. He tore off the airplane label that was still on the handle of his suitcase and tossed it on his bed. At the airport, he hadn't wanted to take it off, somehow needing to show everyone where he had traveled from because it said something about him, didn't it? But now that he was here, it seemed like a lame thing to do. Annoyed with himself, he looked at the two wardrobes and scowled. "So," he started, as if reaching a long overdue conclusion, "which is mine?"

Thad frowned. "The one of the right," he said, his voice growing tighter still. His eye fell to the crumpled label lying on the bed. _CDG, FR_. He puzzled for a moment, and then decided to give the boy another chance. He was probably extremely jet-lagged. It would explain some of the rudeness.

"Did you fly in directly from Paris?"

Sebastian sighed. Why was prep guy butting into his business? He ignored the fact that the label had served the exact purpose for which he had left it on his suitcase earlier. He shook his head at Thaddeus and rolled his eyes. " _No_ , because you can't fly directly to _Ohio_ from Paris," he said like he was explaining it to a five year old. "I had a lay-over in New York. The lay was pretty good, but you know, I'm over it." He smirked. If the boy liked fencing, he might know how to parry.

"That's rather crude, Smythe," the boy replied. "I'd advise against such puns if you want to fit in at Dalton Academy." He took a deep breath and seemed to be steeling himself. "Have you had the tour yet? If we start now, we might make it back before curfew."

Sebastian let himself fall back on his bed dramatically, repressing a wince as his sweater chafed against the bandage over his tattoo. "Ugh! This place has a _curfew_? Kill me now."  
  
*

"Smythe. _Smythe_! Get up or you'll miss first period." Thaddeus stood over the second bed, fully dressed, looking down on his new roommate. He had already given him time to sleep in while he got breakfast, but he was responsible for him, too- and missing classes on his first day just wouldn't do.

Sebastian groaned. Some idiot's car alarm had gone off earlier or something (seriously, no wonder- Parisians couldn't park to save their lives) , and since then, noises he couldn't place had him drifting in and out of sleep. He had dragged his pillow over his face, vaguely noticing that it smelled strange (more detergent, less cigarette smoke), and was about to sink back into oblivion when someone shook him. "Hnng...leave me alone," he mumbled, his tired brain unsure if he had spoken French, English or a mixture of both. He reached for the hand on his shoulder and tried to push it off, his movements still foggy and uncoordinated. He didn't understand. He hadn't been to class in weeks, why was it a big deal now? Surely his teachers had long given up trying to make him-

Sebastian froze. They _had_ given up. Which was why he was here now. At Dalton. With a room mate.

Suddenly he remembered the night before; the tour of the place, which he had more or less sleep-walked through trying not to be bored to death as his roommate showed him the closed cafeteria and study hall and tried to get Sebastian interested. He knew it wasn't Thaddeus' fault that he hated the place before he even got there, but he didn't have it in him to make an afford to hide it either. It hadn't been the best of starts. Sebastian looked up at the boy with bleary eyes, and blinked until he came into focus. "What time is it?"

Thaddeus looked at him with a mixture of disapproval and pity. "Time to shower, I think. A cold one, maybe." He raised an eyebrow and let go of Sebastian's shoulder. Sebastian looked down on himself.

"Don't take it personally," he mumbled, "You woke me from a dream about John Barrowman." He sat up and rubbed his hand over his face. It had been a good dream, too, - and ugh, the state of his body reminded him that he needed to stay such thoughts until after he emptied his bladder.

"Don't worry. I wouldn't," Thaddeus replied drily. "Now come on. You still have your uniform to pick up before class."

"How about we skip the uniform today and get a coffee before class instead?" Sebastian tried rhetorically, and tried to calculate what time it was in Europe, his sleep-drunken mind failing. He reached for last night's sweater and pulled it on over his t-shirt. School uniforms. What a joke. His father seemed to think that he needed structure and discipline, and apparently a boarding school just the thing. The sad fact was, if he pissed too many people off here- which would include his roommate slash guard dog- his father would send him to a real military school- not just one that played dress-up with uniforms. Since that idea was marginally less appealing than sucking it up and doing what people wanted of him here, he would have to do the latter for now.

*

As they walked down the hall that was slowly filling itself with a sea of uniformed students, Thaddeus started up his guided tour monologue again. It was clearly his way of trying to make smalltalk. Sebastian let it rush over him as white noise while he studied the boys' faces. At an all-boys' school, surely some game was to be had? As Thaddeus reached the part about some club named for a songbird, Sebastian tuned in again. He didn't know Dalton had a Show Choir. That interested him a lot more than Study Hall.

Sebastian liked singing and dancing. It was something he knew he was good at. As a boy, he had even taking dance classes, for a while thinking he could be the next Fred Astaire. Of course he had stopped that soon enough when it became _uncool_ to be associated with that in school. In Paris, he had picked up singing again. It wasn't uncool there- people liked it when he sang. Maybe that was the way to get a foot in the door at Dalton, too. If the school choir kids got their own rehearsal room in the school, they had to be pretty important.

"So, how do I get in?" he asked Thaddeus as the boy turned away politely to give him privacy to change into his school uniform. They had picked it up at the registration office and Thad had suggested he'd use a bathroom stall to change so they wouldn't have to go back up to the dorms again.

"You audition, and if the Council likes what you have to offer, you're in."

"Council?" Sebastian asked, doing up the row of buttons on his jacket. It reminded him of the formal dinner jackets his mother used to make him wear and he repressed a shudder.

"The Warbler Council. It's made up out of two Juniors and one upper classman, who are voted for in the beginning of the school year. The upper classman is Head of the Council, though that's just a title. It's basically a triumvirate. They decide on who gets into the Warblers, what songs are performed, and who gets the solos."

"Oh. So what are they like? Probably pretty stuffy types, right, being all important?"

Thaddeus gave him a bland look. "I guess so. I'm Head of the Warbler Council this year."


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Introduction of Kurt Hummel

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Timeframe: season 3, "I am Unicorn" to "Pot O' Gold"

"Kurt, please, just come out. I'm really sorry, okay? Just...come on. You can't hide in there for ever."

"Why not?"

"Because this is the girls' bathroom, Kurt. Sooner or later someone's going to want to use it."

Kurt took a deep breath and closed his eyes as he let it out. He could feel that his face was still flushed with humiliation, but at least his eyes had stopped watering. This was nothing, he told himself. Nothing he hadn't been through before. The jokes, the laughter. But it had come from inside the Glee club this time, from people he loved and trusted, and that had made it hurt just a little more than usual. He squared his shoulders and put on a determined look. If they insisted on acting like the rest of the school, he'd give them the face he showed the jocks- the mask that hid how he really felt. He pushed open the door of the stall and looked into the teary-eyed face of Rachel Berry. She was still wearing her Juliet dress and her level of distress seemed more befitting the third act than the one she had prepared.

"I shouldn't have laughed, Kurt. I'm really, really sorry," she said again. "It was just a weird situation, I mean, I know as an actress I should be able to play any part, but-"

"Please don't make this about you, Rachel," Kurt interrupted her. "It was me. If I had been able to realistically portray a heterosexual man, you would have let me kiss you. It doesn't matter. Clearly I don't have what it takes."

"But I want us to be in this together!" Rachel protested. "You're my best friend."

"But I'm not your Tony."

Rachel looked a little taken aback, but didn't argue. "I'm sure there's another part for you," she started carefully. "Maybe one of the Jets or officer-"

"Krupke? Sure. We already know I can make the audience laugh, right?"

"Kurt..."

Kurt shrugged. "It's okay, Rachel. Really. I'll just have to find something else to put on my resume for NYADA. Like becoming senior class president." He reached for his phone and looked at the time. "I should get home. My dad's at the shop. Maybe I can still catch him before he orders pizza for himself and Finn again."

"Oh! Great idea. I'll come too!" Rachel quickly offered. The look on her face clearly told Kurt she was worried about Burt Hummel's wrath when he heard about the auditions, but he wasn't going to tell his dad about this humiliation or her part in it. It would only upset him and that was bad for his heart. Still, he hoped that his dad would be able to make him feel better even if he only told him a glossy version of the truth. He could really use some of that unconditional parental love right now.

*

"Would you mind reading for Tony?"

Kurt saw the dilemma in his boyfriend's eyes. He knew how much Blaine enjoyed being in the spotlight. He also knew that he hadn't exactly been welcomed by the rest of Glee club. Getting the lead in their musical would feel like an endorsement of his transfer, and maybe it would also give him back a little bit of that Warbler front man glamor. But Blaine was a junior, and he knew how badly Kurt wanted the part. Kurt hadn't told him all the details of his audition. Clearly Blaine was hesitating because he still felt Kurt had a shot at it, and he didn't want to ruin that. But then why had he sung a Tony song in the first place? It was all coming together like one big conspiracy; Brittany suddenly running for president too, Blaine blowing the casting jury away with his audition... it felt like first year gym class all over again, and Kurt was the last one to be picked. No one wanted him on their team. He quickly left the auditorium, not wanting to see Blaine or Rachel or anyone right now. He needed to regroup and build himself up again like he had done so many times already- preferably before anyone saw how much it affected him. It was petty to be jealous of Blaine; he had really killed his audition and he was the best Tony their group had to offer. If Kurt was honest, he even thought Brittany had a point by wanting a female class president after a long row of jocks who had gotten the title as an popularity extension to their being prom king. It was just that he needed the extracurricular credits so badly, and he had really hoped to finally win a place in the spotlight in his senior year- an actual theater spotlight, one that wasn't just a search ray for slushy target practice. He managed to reach his car before breaking down. There, in the privacy of his Navigator, he let his tears flow freely, knowing there were tissues and concealer in the glove compartment. It wasn't the first time he had needed them. After giving himself a few minutes to let it all out, he gave himself a stern look in the rear view mirror, put his favorite music on, and drove home.

*

It took him a few days, in which (much to his credit) Blaine left him alone while he _could_ have been telling him all about his reading for Tony with the other favorite, Rachel, but after that cooling-off period, Kurt felt like he had a grip on his world again. Blaine still loved him (he texted him goodnight every evening, reminding him that he was there if Kurt needed him) and Brittany, well, he was just going to have to campaign harder to win against her. It was a challenge, but not impossible. After all, they had a debate coming up. How was she ever going to compete with him there?

Feeling much better about himself, Kurt went to find his boyfriend. He found him on the staircase where they had once confronted Karofsky together. He gave Blaine the roses he had brought, serving both as an apology for feeling jealous and as a sign of his affection. Blaine accepted them happily, and for a moment Kurt thought he might be kissed. But Blaine hesitated, giving the students around them a shy and nervous look, and clasped his shoulder instead. Kurt squashed the disappointment inside his chest as soon as it rose up. He understood why Blaine had difficulties with PDAs. He was still new at McKinley, a school with a reputation for being violent against its gay students, and he had had some bad experiences with homophobia before he transferred to Dalton. Kurt still hoped that he'd get over that one day. Karofsky had transferred and the others tended to stick to slushies without their ringleader. Slushies would be worth it if he would get the chance to walk down the hallway hand in hand with his boyfriend. But Blaine wasn't ready yet, not outside Glee club. Kurt was just going to have to be patient. For now, what he saw in Blaine's eyes was good enough.

*

"Kurt? If you dice those any further we'll have ketchup."

Carole's voice woke Kurt from his trance and he looked down on the tomatoes he was cutting. The cutting board looked like a crime scene. He was lucky he hadn't diced his fingers along with the vegetables. He carefully put the knife down.

"I'm sorry, Carole. I just...have a lot on my mind."

"Is it the musical? Finn said Rachel and Blaine got the leads," Carole tried carefully, but Kurt quickly shook his head.

"I'm glad Blaine got the part. He deserves it."

He sighed and hesitated a little. Ever since he was eight, his father had been the person in his life whom he went to when something bothered him. Burt didn't always understand what Kurt was talking about, but he always tried to help his son. As he grew older, Kurt saw the effects this had on his father; the frustration and later, the worry on his face when Kurt told him about the things that happened at school. He knew how upset his father could get and how dangerous that was. So, for a long time, he tried shouldering everything by himself. He started doing his own laundry so he could hide the slushy and dumpster stains on his clothes more easily (telling his father it was because he didn't trust him with his angora sweaters), he made sure to lock the door of the bathroom when he showered so his dad wouldn't see the bruises on his back and shoulders caused by the locker slams, and he made sure to clean up his stories before talking about school, featuring Glee club in most of them because it was a safe topic. But things escalated and Burt found out after all, and having to admit that he had been lying to his father had been even worse than having to leave McKinley. Burt made Kurt promise to always tell him the truth, no matter how bad it was - so Kurt had learned the art of omission. But sometimes the need to talk was so strong that he had to turn to someone else; the closest person he had to a mother, Carole. He felt guilty about that every single time- not just because of his father, but because of his real mother, too. It felt like he was replacing her. But with his father's health as it was, it was really the lesser of evils if he wanted to talk about what was on his mind. Kurt looked up from the tomatoes into Carole's face.

"Both Brittany _and_ Rachel are running against me for senior class president now and there's a new kid in Glee club with a really strong voice and an amazing falsetto which means I am _not_ gonna win the election _or_ any solos this year so basically my entire NYADA application is down the drain and-"

He stopped himself and huffed out a breath. "Never mind. It's just school stuff, it's okay."

Carole shook her head and took the cutting board from him. "So are these the girls or the new kid?" she asked with a grin as she dumped the tomato slush into the frying pan. Kurt smiled self-consciously. He hadn't really thought of anyone while handling the knife, but he had clearly vented his frustration on the poor veggies.

"I don't get it though," Carole continued. "I thought Brittany was your campaign manager. And didn't Rachel come over the other day to make those buttons with you?"

"Yeah, I know," Kurt replied. "But I guess they both decided that they wanted more. Rachel's just doing it for the credit and Brittany...I don't even know. I think she's gotten it into her head that she gets her own white house and two cocker-spaniels when she wins."

Carole chuckled and shook her head. She took up a frying spoon and tuned up the heat under the pan. "So when's the election?"

"Two weeks from now."

Carole smiled at her stepson. "So, plenty of time to get people on your side, right? You gotta think like a president, Kurt. You know how the candidates are always shaking hands up to the very last minute trying to sway the voters? Don't give up now just because those girls can be push-overs...between the two of us, Kurt, especially Rachel," Carole added with an air of confidentiality. "And the same goes for those solos. If the new kid's good, practice and be better. You've never backed down from a challenge before. After all, you've even trying to teach me how to cook!"

"Yeah, about that, Carole- you need to stir or our ketchup's gonna burn." Kurt smiled fondly as Carole turned back to the pan and started stirring vigorously. He wondered how Finn ever grew so tall on the food Carole made. Apart from his dad, she was about the worst cook he had ever seen. But she was trying, and that was what mattered. It was also exactly what he had to do. Despite everything, he was Kurt Hummel, and he wasn't about to give up now.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sebastian Smythe and Kurt Hummel meet.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Timeframe: season 3, "The First Time"

From the moment Kurt Hummel laid eyes on Sebastian Smythe, he immediately disliked him. It was hard to explain to anyone who hadn't spent large parts of their days the last few years rinsing blobs of slushy from their hair or trying to salvage a pair of jeans after being dumpstered- but to Kurt, the lanky boarding school boy was the embodiment of danger. Kurt had learned to distrust smiles and be weary of courtesy. Though the kids at McKinley high weren't exactly subtle in their dislike of him, they occasionally managed to hide it just long enough for him to let his guard down, only to be hit harder when it rained colored ice water or insults. Kurt recognized the look in Sebastian's eyes as he smiled and shook his hand, and was surprised that Blaine didn't. To Kurt, it meant trouble.

But it wasn't just the look in his eyes that worried Kurt. Potential bully or not, Sebastian Smythe had something else that unsettled Kurt on a more personal level. As soon as he saw the other boy, his sixth sense for style and fashion had triggered the comparison-routine in his head; something that happened every time he stepped into a room and took in the people in it. The girls understood. They all did it too. Those few nerve-wrecking seconds in which their brain decided if the other women in the room were thinner, prettier, more fashionable. It determined the appropriate level of self-esteem and attitude, it determined if the others were to be envied or pitied, competition or safe. Kurt had tried to explain this to Finn once without success. His stepbrother didn't understand why girls would look at other girls at all, well, if they weren't into girls that was- and as soon as Finn started on _that_ road of thinking and his blush set off, Kurt knew he had lost him. Most of the time, Kurt felt good after such a comparison. The boys in Lima weren't much of a threat when it came to fashion, and he knew he dressed better than most of the girls, too. But he could tell this boy was different.

Sebastian Smythe wore the Dalton Academy uniform; standard issue gray pants, a white shirt, a striped tie and a smart dark blue blazer with red piping. This in itself was familiar; Kurt had seen the uniform on Blaine often enough and had even worn one himself for a few months. But it was the _way_ the boy wore the uniform. It was all clean and pressed, but donned with a seemingly careless air; the tie just a little loose and crooked, the top button of his shirt undone, the belt (which was not standard issue) indiscreetly displaying a brand name no one at McKinley could afford, loafers worn without socks. It was all too casual. Kurt knew that even Sebastian's hair, which to the average observer may have looked like he had only run his hands through it once or twice after getting up, was styled deliberately and probably took expensive products and effort. At the end of Kurt's comparison, all of it screamed 'I'm better than you'. Sebastian Smythe clearly had enough money and style to get it right, but simply didn't _feel_ like conformity. His bold disregard of the Dalton dress code set him above it all, on top of the food chain. Kurt's instincts told him to tread carefully. He suddenly felt awkward with his coiffed hair and his duffle poncho, his high-necked shirt and designer bag, like everything about him was over-done. None of his clothes were from the local shops and he usually prided himself on that, but in front of the other boy, it just felt like he was trying too hard to stand out.

All of this just from a first impression. To make matters worse, all of Kurt's premonitions solidified as Sebastian started to speak. He was gay- _of course he was_ , Kurt scolded himself, no straight boy would set off all the alarm bells in his head like that - and he was looking at Blaine in ways that were wholly inappropriate for a casual acquaintance. All they had in common were the Warblers, something which Blaine had interestingly failed to mention when Kurt had asked him all about his trip to Dalton and the friends he still knew there. So why the air of confidence and shared secrets? Why the personal smiles that excluded him from their little universe? If anyone ought to be sharing any of that with Blaine it would be him, Kurt Hummel, the _boyfriend_ . To give Sebastian a clear sign, Kurt had looped his arm in Blaine's then, and changed his use of personal pronouns to _couple-plural_ (something he despised when others did it, yet it felt necessary). Sebastian had let it slide, and continued talking to Blaine as if Kurt was deaf and dumb, though occasionally throwing him a knowing smirk. It had challenged Kurt to be reckless, bristling him enough to accept Sebastian's invitation to the gay bar, despite the boy's unveiled nefarious intentions. With a few words, he had bared his morals, and with a few looks, pinned Blaine as his next target. If Kurt wanted to stay in the loop, he had to come and show the boy that he had no chance at stealing his boyfriend. And this time, he would be prepared. He'd check out the place online to make sure he dressed appropriately and Sebastian wouldn't know what hit him. Blaine might be innocent in all of this and unaware of what was going on, but Kurt wasn't.

*

The first time Sebastian Smythe saw Kurt Hummel was on a photograph in the Dalton Common Room. Seeing nothing shameful in winning second place, the new Council had honored the departing students by putting their group photo up to inspire the new singers. Nothing about Kurt stood out, and Sebastian had to read the small caption at the bottom listing all of the attending Warblers at Regionals that previous year to find out which of them was him. Yet, whenever the remaining students talked about Blaine Anderson, their previous soloist and The One That Got Away, he was always mentioned in one breath with Kurt Hummel. At least when Nick and Jeff told the story. They outshone each other in hero worship, one carrying a torch for Blaine, the other for Kurt (though, as Sebastian quickly determined, there was nothing sexual about their crushes). According to them, Blaine had single-handedly modernized their repertoire and turned their school choir into a boy band; one that was wildly popular at Dalton and earned the Warblers special privileges. Already on their way up to the top, their second transfer student that year had brought them the final edge with his unusual voice and unconventional ideas. Apart from that, Jeff had confided in him over a glazed muffin from the Dalton cafeteria that Sebastian had paid for to get his information, Kurt and Blaine were a couple. That had piqued Sebastian's interest. He had been trying to get a foothold in the Warblers ever since the beginning of term, as they were the closest Dalton had to a popular crowd, and this might just be the thing to get score him a few points. No one knew him at the school and cliques had formed ever since first year- even more tightly knit as in public schools because most boys boarded at Dalton and were roommates. It was hard to get into their system from the outside. Of course his first impression with the Head of the Warbler Council hadn't exactly been positive, but after a few days of tiptoeing gently around their shared dorm, Thaddeus had forgiven him. Sebastian had blamed it all on jet-lag and even tried to be more interested in Thad's monologues about the history of Dalton Academy. It resulted in an admission to the Warblers, but he was still far away from really being accepted among them, let alone get a solo.

Kurt and Blaine could be his ticket in. If he could get either boy to date him, it would do wonders for his reputation. Maybe he could even convince one to come back to the Warblers. Then he'd really be made. Seeing his mission clearly in front of him, Sebastian had studied the group picture, trying to decide which of them would be most suitable. Blaine was younger and looked more impressionable than Kurt, and he had almost made his mind up already when the decision was solidified for him by the ex-Warbler showing up at the school during rehearsal. The boy was just as good as his fan boys had said he was, though he was an atrocious dresser, and Sebastian had invited him for a coffee to test the waters. Mostly, Blaine Anderson seemed baffled that anyone would pay attention to him like this- clearly his boyfriend let the line a little slack there. He was easily impressed by Sebastian's stories about Paris and flattered by his compliments. Sebastian wondered if, after the Warblers' clear admiration of his talents, he was feeling a little under-appreciated at his new school. It was hard to take a step down- he knew that only too well from his return from France. The reason for Blaine's transfer to McKinley, as Nick and Jeff told it, was love. Sebastian wondered how long that would last. Blaine might be a blushing beginner now, but it was clear Kurt never had any serious competition so far. Blaine agreed to see him again, which encouraged Sebastian to push a little harder as they met at the Lima Bean to make his intentions clear. To his surprise, he found a resisting backbone in Blaine. And that was the second time he laid eyes on Kurt Hummel.

The boy looked different without the Dalton uniform. He looked like he had aged several years since the picture from Regionals- and puberty had been kind. He had lost the white-bread partition and the chubby cheeks, too. He now wore a teased up runway hairdo with little pixie bangs that accented his high cheekbones and sculpted face, and he looked completely out of place in the Lima coffee bar. He would draw less attention to himself in Paris, where looks were fresher than rural Ohio. It jilted Sebastian with a flash of homesickness for Europe, where he had had his group of friends and he didn't have to work so hard to fit in. He both resented Kurt for reminding him and felt drawn to him at the same time. Maybe he had picked the wrong ex-Warbler after all.

All of this from the way this boy looked at him with his large, calculating eyes; half deer-in-headlights, half poised to fight. In all, this was not what Sebastian had expected.

The second shock came as Kurt spoke. Jeff had been right- his voice was unusual. Yet no story could have prepared Sebastian for the sound coming from Kurt's mouth. His voice was simply too high for a boy his age, too melodious, too confusing. It took him a few seconds too long to realize that Kurt had offered him his hand. To cover up his feelings, Sebastian tried to smooth it over with a casual greeting. Kurt met his smile with a very cold one of his own, for reasons Sebastian could only phantom - Kurt couldn't have heard enough of their conversation to pick up that he was making a move on his boyfriend and it wasn't like he could read minds to hear Sebastian's musings about his appearance. Kurt's hostile politeness and obvious territorialism helped Sebastian set aside any nostalgic feelings about Paris and slide back into the part he had decided to play with Blaine. He had already laid the groundwork for that- too late to change it now. If Kurt decided to put up a fight, well, fun. As long as it didn't take too long. Sebastian needed this connection to Blaine to work himself up in the Warblers, preferably before competition season started.

To his surprise, it was Kurt who accepted the invitation to Scandals. Clearly he didn't know the place. It hardly seemed like the kind of venue he'd want to be seen. Sebastian had hoped he might get Blaine to come alone, but why not. It might be interesting to see how the fashionable boy would react to the stench of stale beer and the bad music. Sebastian had only been there two times before but it was the only place he had found so far that catered to men only and took identification laws and underage drinking with a grain of salt. For a moment he considered getting Kurt such a bad fake ID that he'd be turned away at the door but then decided it was more of a challenge if they all got in.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kurt and Blaine go to Scandals; adds a little more content to the night before West Side Story.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Timeframe: season 3, "The First Time"

 

Scandals was not what Kurt had expected. Okay, so maybe his imagination had gone a little wild; if he thought about it, it _did_ seem very unlikely that West-Lima would actually host a nightclub full of Calvin Klein underwear models, dancing around half-naked and sweaty under flickering strobe lights like in those late night network series. He wasn't even sure how he would have reacted if that had really been the case. He probably would have gotten out of there as fast as he could. He could barely watch such things on tv for sheer embarrassment of his own body (and the way it reacted seeing such fine specimens of mankind) and seeing it in real life would be way too daunting. The bar, as it was, was a rather sad place. It was like someone had taken an old western saloon and tried to modernize it with a few neon signs and a flat screen tv (when really it could have used a few coats of paint and maybe a broom to the floor). The patronage matched the interior design. Most of them were older men and quite a few looked like the last time they had a shower was when the owner of the bar had let air into the place. It was not the kind of venue Kurt would ever choose to go to by himself. But he was here now, and maybe this was some kind of test of Sebastian's, to see if he'd chicken out- in his head Kurt could already hear that drawling voice mock him for being 'too fine a gentleman' for this establishment. He would not give the boy that satisfaction. So, when he looked around the place with Blaine, he pretended to be as excited about it as his boyfriend was.

They found Sebastian at the bar, and Kurt ignored the slight about his alcohol-free drink. There was a perfectly good reason why he volunteered to be the designated driver- two in fact. One was the memory of throwing up on Ms Pillsbury in school, an embarrassment he'd rather not repeat, and the other was Blaine's lack of inhibitions the last time Kurt had seen him drunk. There were no girls to make out with here, but there were a lot of guys, which was even worse. He was not about to let anything influence his reflexes when he might have to save Blaine from embarrassing himself.

They settled into a booth and conversation naturally started with Dalton, the one thing the three boys had in common. Still, it was mostly Blaine and Sebastian talking. After filling each other in, Sebastian sharing recent developments and Blaine filling in background on their friends from the time he went to Dalton, the topic was sort of spent. Kurt briefly tried to interest them in talking about the latest episodes of Real Housewives of Reno, something Blaine usually enjoyed, but Sebastian quickly cut him off by telling Blaine about some show he had seen on french cable. Kurt watched as Blaine listened breathlessly. The horrible feeling of inadequateness crept up on him again. He had never been outside the US. He had no exciting stories about far away cities; let alone about Paris, metropolis of fashion and home of several of his favorite designers! Even if only half of Sebastian's stories were true (he really doubted Sebastian had _actually_ let himself be locked in on top of the Eiffel Tower for a night as he was pretty sure that was impossible), his stories still seemed a lot more interesting than anything Kurt had to say. And Blaine knew most of his stories by now. Especially now that they went to the same school, there wasn't so much they could tell each other without finishing the other's sentences. Most of the time, that made Kurt happy, and he thought Blaine enjoyed it too because it showed how close they were and how well they fitted together- but right now it seemed like Blaine was starved for conversation with this new guy. Maybe Kurt had started to bore him.

If Kurt was honest, and it had been anyone else but Sebastian, he might have listened just as breathlessly, and bombarded the storyteller with questions about Paris. But as Sebastian excused himself to go to the bathroom, Kurt couldn't help but let out a deep breath of relief.

"He's really quite full of himself, isn't he?" he remarked after making sure Sebastian was out of earshot.

Blaine frowned a little. "Why, what do you mean?"

Kurt rolled his eyes. "Oh come on, Blaine. The way he talks. The things he says. You don't really believe him, do you?"

Blaine shrugged. "He's only trying to make conversation. He just transferred. He doesn't know many people around here." He gave Kurt a calculating look. "Aren't you having fun?"

Kurt sighed. "Sure. I just wished, you know...that the conversation wasn't all about Paris."

"But you love Paris!" Blaine exclaimed.

"Well, I'm starting to have a change of heart," Kurt mumbled, but didn't try and press the matter. If Blaine was enjoying himself, he didn't want to get in the way of that. He just wished Sebastian would stop making him feel like a provincial turd.

As the evening progressed, the topics didn't exactly improve, and neither did Sebastian's behavior. The boy's stories got more raunchy as he went on. He had a way of saying things that were on the edge of being offensive and sugarcoating them with a smile, confusing the listener into feeling charmed rather than insulted. When he went to the bar, Kurt could see him aggressively flirting with men twice his age and making them buy the three of them drinks before laughing in their faces and making it quite clear he wasn't available. Blaine had found it all very amusing, accepting the drinks as they kept coming and discussing ever more obscure topics with Sebastian at the top of his voice. It made Kurt uncomfortable. He tried to get Blaine to drink some water between his beers, but he wasn't very successful. Just as Kurt was beginning to feel like it was time to head home, Sebastian seemed to anticipate his intentions and said they couldn't leave before having danced. Never one to refuse a performance, Blaine didn't need to be asked twice and followed Sebastian to the dance floor. Figuring that dancing was better than listening to more of Sebastian's tales, Kurt went up with them at sat himself down at the bar, waiting for a good song.

*

By the time Blaine and Kurt arrived, Sebastian had already turned down three offers to come to the back of the club. He didn't seriously consider any of them. Most guys in there were pretty desperate and would hit on any new guy- especially one under thirty. Still, he had gotten a few free drinks out of it, which, given his budget, was very welcome. The meager allowance his father provided didn't exactly allow for much clubbing- something he was pretty sure his father intended as he settled the monthly release on the account. Sebastian could stretch it over all the weekends if he saved nothing for clothes and only took a taxi every second time; so far he had been lucky and there had always been someone to drive him at least of of the way home. It sucked knowing all that money was sitting in his account and he could only touch a tiny part of it. His father had promised him a raise of the allowance after Christmas- provided he passed midterms- but that was still months away, and it was getting colder outside. Soon, he would need to decide between clubbing and a winter jacket.

The arrival of Kurt and Blaine made a lot of heads turn. It was rather obvious from their looks and their wide-eyed stares that they had gotten in with fake ID-s. Neither of them looked old enough to pass as 21, and Sebastian could just tell that several guys were calculating the risk of getting busted against the thrill of picking up such young men. Not that they'd have a chance. Blaine, at least, was his- and Kurt seemed like the kind of guy who wouldn't give any of theses men the time of day even if they tried. It would probably be rather amusing to watch him blow them off, Sebastian mused. He imagined Kurt could be very fierce.

Blaine had texted him when they were on their way, so Sebastian had taken the liberty of buying the first round. Just because he didn't have that much money didn't mean they'd have to know about that. Despite his initial reservations about the bar, Blaine seemed to be thrilled to be there. Maybe, Sebastian thought, he had just been toning his enthusiasm down for Kurt's sake. His boyfriend looked a lot less comfortable. Sebastian tried to put him at ease with a topic they all had in common; he was the designated driver after all, and if he wanted to leave, he'd take Blaine with him. But Kurt didn't really seem interested in talking about Dalton, and Sebastian found himself talking more and more exclusively to Blaine, who turned out to be a very willing audience. They got to talking about Paris. It felt good to have someone hang to his lips like that. The boys at Dalton were a lot less responsive when he told them about his exploitations in the City of Love. All they seemed interested in were his classes at the Louis Le Grand, the professors and the school system in France, and even those questions sounded more like polite smalltalk than genuine interest. He had found out very quickly that he had only very little in common with the other boys at Dalton. Talking to Blaine was nicer; it flattered his ego and made him feel like he mattered. He could definitely see how this could work out- if Blaine told the others about him, maybe they’d warm up a little.

As they talked, he never forgot his goal. He made sure Blaine felt included in his jokes, he complimented him and asked questions of his own to show he thought the boy's opinion mattered. He could tell Kurt wasn't really having a good time, but it couldn't be helped. He couldn't entertain two of them at the same time, and he was concentrating on Blaine now. And it wasn't like Kurt was making any effort to enjoy himself! Every once in a while, Blaine would try to engage Kurt into the conversation, but that effort lessened the more he drank and the less Kurt replied. When they finally ran out of topics, Sebastian suggested they'd dance. He had the feeling he just about had Blaine there where he wanted him. With Kurt at the bar, he decided to take a chance.

"You're a good dancer," he said, keeping his voice level with the music.

Blaine turned and looked at him. "What?" he asked loudly.

Sebastian took the cue and moved in closer, putting a hand on Blaine's hip and leaning towards his ear. "I said, you're a good dancer," he repeated. Blaine smelled of beer and hairgel. If they really hooked up, Sebastian would make him use less product on his hair.

"Uh, thanks," Blaine replied, looking up at him and blushing. Then, like he was remembering where he was, Blaine took a step back, spun around, and continued dancing. Suddenly, Kurt was there, forcing Sebastian to step back to make room for him between them. To Sebastian's surprise, Blaine looked a little relieved. That smarted. He couldn't honestly prefer to be dancing with Kurt, who was doing some kind of bizarre wiggle thing on the dance floor, could he? What was that all about, anyway? Just now his boyfriend had been chatting up another guy at the bar, and now he came over to cock-block Sebastian? Sure, Kurt's determination to keep his boyfriend away from Sebastian was kind of cute, but didn't he know he had already lost? Sebastian was certain he had seen the spark of something in Blaine's eyes, a certain longing - he hadn't imagined it. It Kurt had any sense he should hook up with the fat kid at the bar; the guy was staring at him enough anyway.

Maybe he had overdone it. Maybe he should have waited until they were alone rather than to try and make a move on Blaine with his boyfriend sitting right next to him. But there was something, Sebastian could tell. Although Blaine avoided eye contact with him after their little moment earlier, he didn't once step away when Sebastian tried to grind against him on the dance floor or rested his hand briefly on the boy's side in a dance move. It was always Kurt coming between them. Blaine just seemed to be enjoying the attention from both boys- and the other men around them. _Soon,_ Sebastian thought to himself. His ability to make concrete plans in his head was getting a little blurry but he knew that much - it wouldn't take that much more effort to make Blaine his.

*

"I'm just gonna walk home."

" _Blaine_!"

Kurt couldn't believe was just happened. How could everything have spiraled out of control like that? The evening had just gotten a little better, they had been dancing together, even flirted a little, mouthing the lyrics of the songs to each other... Kurt had never danced like that with a boy, had never dared, and for a moment he didn't even care that Sebastian was there too, trying to get Blaine's attention. They had had fun together without having to hold back, without having to be afraid that someone would be offended by the sight of two boys in love. It had been almost perfect- until Blaine tried to take it too far.

Kurt wasn't sure how he should feel or what to feel first. A part of him was afraid his boyfriend was going to get hurt walking along the road or might not make it home. Blaine was drunk - what if he forgot to check a traffic sign or walked under a car? But Blaine had also just left him there on the parking lot of a gay bar all by himself. As soon as Kurt realized where he was, he got into his car and locked the doors from the inside. Then he let out a shuddering breath. It wasn't just worry and sadness he felt inside- he was also in shock about Blaine's behavior. How could he _ever_ think that Kurt would want to do it like that, in the backseat of a car in a public parking area, after watching Sebastian flirt with him all night? Did he even think at all? Or did he just not care because the alcohol in his system told his body he was ready to go? And what hurt the most, was that for a moment as Blaine held on to him, Kurt had been frightened. It had only been for a few seconds before he managed to pull himself loose from Blaine's hands and crawl off of him and out of the car, but in that moment, he had been scared of his own boyfriend. Afraid that Blaine would not let go like he was telling him to, that he would make him do something against his will. That he would take that free will away from him the way Karofsky had done when he forced a kiss on his lips. As soon as Kurt saw the confusion in Blaine's eyes he felt guilty for even thinking such a thing, but his body couldn't lie- he was flushed with adrenaline, feeling his heart beat against his throat like it had after Karofsky's threats. With shaking hands, he took out his phone. He need to tell Blaine that he was sorry, that he should come back, that they'd work it out-

Someone pounded on the window loudly and Kurt jumped in his seat, dropping his phone to the floor. With wide eyes, he looked out to see who it was. It was Sebastian, leaning against his car and trying to peer inside. He was saying something, but Kurt couldn't hear it. With a sigh, Kurt picked up his phone and ignited the engine so he could roll down the window, but not before making sure the door was still locked and the cabin light was off. There was no reason for Sebastian to see he had been crying.

"What do you want, Sebastian?" he asked, relieved that his voice sounded more or less steady.

"Where's Blaine?" the boy asked, bending over the window to look inside the car as if he expected Blaine to be hiding under the seats somewhere.

Kurt recoiled a little. Sebastian smelled of strong alcohol and his movements seemed uncoordinated. Kurt hadn't just avoided one drunken teen to end up with another. "He went home," he replied curtly.

"I thought you were the driver," Sebastian said.

"Blaine wanted to walk. He needed some fresh air," Kurt lied.

Sebastian said nothing for a moment.

"Could you let go of my window please? I want to go home now," Kurt said.

Sebastian frowned. "How will I get home then?" he asked, sounding confused. "Blaine said you guys were gonna give me a ride."

"He _what_?" Kurt repeated, his eyebrows raised up into his hairline. If Blaine had ever promised such a thing, he had sure forgotten to ask Kurt- or to mention it at all as they left the bar. They had even said goodbye to Sebastian. With more than a little resentment, Kurt looked in the direction Blaine had wandered off. He should have told him about this. Unless Sebastian was lying. He looked back at the boy and was about to tell him to call a cab when the door of the bar opened again. Two of the men who had been buying Sebastian drinks stepped outside. They were at least twice his age. Kurt rarely assumed the worst in people despite all of the things he had been through, but these guys looked tough and Sebastian had deliberately pissed them off. Sebastian saw them too and shifted on his feet. Kurt sighed and reluctantly unlocked the doors of his car.

"Okay. Get in. But you ride in the back, and if I so much as think you're going to throw up, I'm kicking you out."

Sebastian smiled shyly, and for a moment, he looked years younger. Kurt shook his head and nodded at the second door. He was not going to get out to help the boy. "And buckle up," he admonished him.

As Sebastian was settled in, Kurt angled his rearview mirror so he could see him. The other boy looked pale in the lights of the parking lot, but so far he didn't show signs of being sick. Still wondering why he was doing this at all, Kurt started the car and made his way to the street. Blaine owed him one for this. Big time.

After a few minutes, Sebastian spoke. "So did Blaine and you have a fight?"

The question hung in the air between them and for a moment, Kurt was too shocked to speak. As he found his words again, he had to clear his throat first to arrange them. "What makes you say that?" he asked, keeping his eyes firmly on the road. He heard Sebastian move against the seat- maybe he had shrugged.

"Just...when you left, you two looked pretty tight. You know...wound-up. I waited inside for a few minutes because I assumed you were going for a quicky before driving. I didn't think he'd just leave."

Kurt swallowed. "Well...that was very considerate of you, Sebastian, but I can assure you we are not the kind of couple that would have a... _a tryst_ in the parking lot. Maybe that's what _you_ do when you go to places like this-"

"So instead of blowing him, you blew him off?"

" _What_ ?" Kurt braked before realized that might not be the best idea in the middle of the street. He quickly checked his mirrors. Luckily, no one had been behind them. He looked back at Sebastian through the mirror. The boy looked like he had no idea why his words had been so infuriating. Kurt could feel all of those emotions from earlier creep up on him again, now mixed with embarrassment. Though he still thought it was wrong to have their first time like that, Sebastian's insinuation made him feel like there was something wrong with _him_ for not wanting sex. Too agitated to drive on, he pulled over and turned in his seat.

"Why do you automatically think that it was _me_ who _-_ -" he started, before realizing his protest was only giving Sebastian confirmation. "That's not how it went. _You_ got Blaine drunk, Sebastian, and he was...not himself. I told him I didn't want to be with him like that and he left to sober up." He braced himself for whatever Sebastian was going to say. So he wasn't sexy. That wasn't a crime. He just wasn't as comfortable with his body as others were. So what if he wanted romance. Was that really so bad?

Surprisingly, nothing of the kind Kurt had been expecting came out of Sebastian's mouth. He just looked at Kurt with something that could have been sympathy (or he was just slowly dosing off and losing focus, Kurt's mind supplied relentlessly).

"I'm sorry," Sebastian finally offered. "Some guys turn into assholes when they're drunk."

Not sure how to deal with this reaction when he had been expecting something to fight against, Kurt clenched his jaw. He was still up in arms. "Unlike other guys who are assholes all the time," he replied, giving Sebastian a pointed look. "And don't say you're sorry. You're _really_ very drunk if you think I am going to fall for your nice guy act after you just spent the evening trying to steal my boyfriend. You already lost all your karma points with me."

"Fuck you," Sebastian bit out rudely. "I was really just trying to be nice."

Kurt breathed out in a huff. Sebastian didn't even try to deny it. He _had_ been trying to get Blaine, and he was too drunk to argue the point.

"Yeah? Well, don't. I don't need you sympathy. Just tell me where to drop you off so we can get this over with." He turned back in his seat and checked his mirrors, getting ready to pull back onto the road.

"Just somewhere on the road to Dalton will be okay," Sebastian replied.

Kurt rolled his eyes. "Don't be stupid, Sebastian. Where do your parents live?"

"In New York."

Despite himself, Kurt turned around in his seat again. "You've got to be kidding me. You want to go back to Dalton like this? You'd be expelled before you even got to your dorm."

Sebastian shrugged. "I could stay outside until I sober up..."

"And get expelled for breaking the curfew by half a day, on a school night," Kurt supplied helpfully. "Sebastian, did you ever stop to think this through? Are you even registered at the gate for an evening pass? You can't just board there and then come and go as you please, they are responsible for you, they need to know if you're going to be spending the night elsewhere."

Suddenly Kurt wondered if Sebastian had been counting to spend the night with Blaine. He narrowed his eyes and looked at the other boy, who was frowning and rubbing his face with his hand as if he was having trouble thinking. "Well?" he prodded. Sebastian mumbled something from underneath his hand. Kurt didn't understand it and waited for Sebastian to notice from the lack of response. It definitely took longer than a sober person would have needed to catch up. Sebastian dropped his hand in his lap and looked at Kurt.

"If I get expelled again my father will send me to military school," he repeated, looking down on his hands.

" _Again_ ?" Kurt echoed, and found Sebastian's clouded eyes suddenly focused on him, studying his face as if he was deliberating if he could trust the other boy. It annoyed Kurt. Sebastian was in _his_ car, far too drunk to get back to school, and Kurt was offering to help him. If Kurt really wanted to mess with the guy he'd drop him off in front of the Lima police station and get him arrested for under age drinking. Scandals might accept his fake ID, but Kurt was pretty sure the police would see through it. Just as he was about to tell the boy to forget it, Sebastian spoke.

"I was kicked out of the Louis Le Grand," he confessed. "Dalton is my last chance to graduate outside a military school."

Kurt's eyes widened. "What? How? What did you do? I thought you liked Paris so much?" Wasn't that what he had been bragging about all evening? His time in Europe, visiting the school of Victor Hugo and Voltaire (and, Sebastian had added with a leer at Blaine, the Marquis de Sade)...

"I _did_ like Paris. I liked it so much I didn't want to waste any time inside of school, studying. For a while I managed to wing it just by showing up for the exams but eventually I started flunking and then I just didn't go." Sebastian took a deep breath and sighed. "When they expelled me, I went on a partying spree with my friends and blew the last of my money. I got arrested for tramping and public drunkenness and they informed my parents. My dad seems to think I lack discipline and structure in my life." He said the last with an eye roll. "Hence the boarding school."

"Anyway," he added gruffly, "I only told you because you're giving me a ride and so you have something on me in case I tell anyone about tonight. Not so you can sit here judging me about it."

"I wasn't-- I'm not!" Kurt protested, but realized he had probably been pulling a very scandalized face during Sebastian's story. It _was_ hard to believe the level of stupidity; it was very difficult to get accepted to such a prestigious school and to throw it all away like that... Still, the thought of telling anyone about it hadn't even entered Kurt's mind until Sebastian offered it as a trade-off for keeping quiet about their bar night. If anyone found out they'd been using fake ID-s and getting served alcohol- even if Kurt didn't have any- they'd be in a lot of trouble. "I wouldn't tell anyone," he said, "though it's really a bit of a rich threat coming from someone who doesn't even know when to stop drinking. You don't really need me to get into people's bad graces. It seems you're perfectly capable of that on your own."

Sebastian sighed. "I _know_ when to stop drinking, I just don't always _do_ ," he argued for argument's sake. Kurt felt it made him sound like a stubborn five year old.

"So," Sebastian continued as if he had been making a long and profound point, "you can just drop me off on the way to Dalton, I don't mind staying outside for a bit. In Paris, I used to-"

"Oh god, just shut up," Kurt groaned, and started his engine. He couldn't believe he was about to do this, but what choice did he have?


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The night after Scandals, continued; Kurt takes Sebastian home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Timeframe: season 3, "The First Time"

Sebastian watched the lights of the other cars zoom by and let his mind drift off. So Blaine's inhibitions were blown away by a few beers? That was good to know. He felt a little sorry for Kurt, but on the other hand, any trouble between them would only better his own chances. He kind of wished he could have seen it. The thought of Kurt defending his virtue against what he could only assume were the clumsy, uncoordinated attempts of Blaine to seduce him interested his alcohol-fueled body more than it probably should. He entertained the thought if, had _he_ tried, not by force or anything but by charm, he might have succeeded. What would it take to get Kurt to loosen up? Sebastian sighed and shifted in his seat. He would probably regret being so open to Kurt in the morning- Kurt Hummel of all people, that holier-than-thou do-gooder (his looks made have changed from the apple-cheeked cherub in the picture to an arrogant runway model, he was still as innocent as fresh snow)- but he hadn't been able to help himself. It seemed like a fair trade-off for Kurt helping him out. He just hoped Kurt wouldn't tell Blaine about it. He worried about that for a few minutes until he decided that Kurt didn't seem like the kind of guy who'd break his promise. Satisfied with that thought, he drifted off with the rocking car until they suddenly stopped.

"Stay in the car. I'll be right back," Kurt said strictly. Next to Sebastian, the window rolled down automatically. "And lean out if you're going to be sick."

"I'm not going to be sick, stop saying that," Sebastian protested, but was glad for the fresh air anyway. The world seemed to be spinning more now than before he had fallen asleep. He wondered where they were. It didn't look like the read to Westerville. How long had he been asleep? They were in a quiet urban neighborhood. Most of the houses were dark. He followed Kurt with his eyes and watched him walk up to one of them. Kurt took a key from his pocket and let himself in. A light went on in the living room. Crap. Did Kurt just drive them to _his place_? What about his parents? What were they going to do when they found out Kurt had brought a drunken friend with him in the middle of the night?

***  
**

"Dad?" Kurt had anticipated his father waiting up for him. He always did, and without fail had the tv on pretending he had been engrossed in an episode of The Deadliest Catch. Kurt smiled fondly when his father looked up from the tv and muted the sound.

"Oh hey buddy, I was just watching tv. How was your night?" Burt asked pleasantly.

"Okay, I guess. Dad, I need to talk to you."

"Alright, that sounds serious," Burt replied, his smile faltering. He took up the remote and switched the tv off. "Sit down. Are you okay? Is this the point where you want to talk about those flyers I got you? Because I'm not really sure I'm ready for that without preparation."

Kurt quickly shook his head, blushing a little. He walked over to the couch and sat down next to his dad. "No, it's not that. Just...remember after Rachel's party, when Blaine was too tired to drive back to Dalton, and I let him stay in my room, and you told me I should have asked permission first?"

His father frowned. "If by too tired you mean _too drunk_ , yes, I remember that," he conceded, and gave Kurt a worried look. "Is Blaine ok? You guys didn't drink and drive, did you?"

"No, no," Kurt replied quickly. "No, Blaine's already gone home. It's...like this-" he broke off and took a deep breath. "Blaine, I and a...friend of Blaine's went to this place tonight and they had something to drink- I didn't, dad, I promise - and we were getting ready to drive home and then this friend of Blaine's asked if I could drive him partway to Dalton, but it was already really late and he's, well, he's had a few drinks and if I brought him to Dalton now they'd expel him."

"And for good reason," Burt interrupted, and then nodded. "Go on."

"Can he stay here tonight?"

Burt took a moment to look at his son. "Why didn't he go with Blaine?"

Kurt bit his lip. He had promised never to lie to his dad. "Blaine had already left by then. We kind of had a fight. It's okay," he added quickly, "nothing bad happened and I'll talk to him in the morning and work it out."

His father took a deep breath and let it out slowly through his nose as he made up his mind. "Kurt, I'm going to want to talk to you about this place where they serve kids your age alcohol - even if you didn't drink anything- and how you got in there. You're not allowed inside such bars. And you got home too late for a school night." Kurt flinched a little. "But I'm tired. It's been a long day. We'll have that talk tomorrow." He gave his son a stern look and waited for Kurt to nod before continuing. "Kurt, that said, I am glad you were responsible tonight and I'm proud of you for taking care of your friends. That's how your mom told me to raise you."

Kurt smiled a little, the edges of his smile blurred by sadness. Now was not the time to mention that Sebastian was not _his_ friend. "I love you, dad."

Burt smiled back. "Me too, kiddo. Now... there's one more thing. I don't know this guy so you're not sleeping in the same room with him. He can crash here on the couch or you're staying in Finn's room. He's already asleep so he probably won't even notice."

Kurt smiled wider now, and even chuckled a little. The last thing he wanted was to sleep in one room with Sebastian! "That's fine, dad. Trust me." He got up from the couch. "I'll go get him, he's waiting in the car."

Burt nodded. "Okay. I'm gonna head up to bed. And Kurt?"

"Dad?"

"Thanks for asking me first."

"Thanks for waiting up. Goodnight, dad."

*

For someone who claimed to not be drunk, Sebastian had a hard time walking. Kurt ended up half-supporting him, keeping his head turned away from the boy's alcohol breath as they made their way up to the house and trying to ignore the stream of consciousness Sebastian was letting loose on him. He wondered how much of this the boy would remember in the morning.

Kurt shushed him once they were inside. He really didn't need to know what Sebastian Smythe thought of their ' _quaint but homely interior'._ He quickly decided that it would be best to put Sebastian in his room, lest he'd wake up before the rest of the house and start wandering around downstairs.

"Look, baby photos," Sebastian said happily as they started to climb the stairs, though quieter this time. "You were totally fat."

Kurt rolled his eyes. "I was not. Now stop talking or I'll gag you."

"Kinky."

"I mean it." Kurt pushed open the door to his bedroom and flipped the light switch. Sebastian groaned and grabbed his stomach. Kurt sighed. "Bathroom's down there." But the tide seemed to have passed for now as Sebastian stepped into the room, his nausea replaced with curiosity. He smiled as his eyes passed over all of the things Kurt had put up in his shelves; little memorabilia and keepsakes, a picture of Blaine.

"What?" Kurt asked, distrusting Sebastian's silence. The boy shrugged.

"Just expected more...pink."

Kurt sighed. Nice, the clichés again. The walls and the furniture in his room were white with several black and deep Bordeaux accents. The rest of the color came from his art-deco lamps, the objects on the shelves and the scarves that hung along the mirror at his dresser. Kurt was proud of his room and he kept it clean and tidy. Though Sebastian was probably too wasted to appreciate it, he had changed the sheets on his bed that morning and aired the room before he went to school. He was glad he had packed away all of the outfits he had tried on before choosing the one he had on for Scandals. (After looking at their website, which only had a picture of the façade, his shirt with the leather thong tie seemed most appropriate.) He really didn't need Sebastian's opinion on his wardrobe, too.

"Okay, I'm gonna get some clothes for tomorrow and then I'll be in the room across the hall with my step-brother. Don't...break anything. And stay out of my closet."

Sebastian smirked and picked up the glittering plastic scepter Kurt had won as prom queen. "Babe, I came out of the closet a long time ago. I'm definitely not getting back in _yours_." He twirled the scepter between his fingers until Kurt snatched it away from him and put it back on the shelf.

"Don't touch my stuff," he warned him. He saw the boy reach for the picture frame and added quickly "That includes Blaine." Sebastian got his double meaning and raised an eyebrow but didn't comment. He walked over to the bed and sat down, trapping his hands between his knees and giving Kurt a demure look that the other boy didn't buy at all. Still, it was probably the most docile Sebastian was going to be, so Kurt used the moment to dash into his closet and quickly select two outfits for tomorrow and another spare shirt just in case. He always kept a change of clothes in his locker in case of slushy or dumpster attacks. With Karofsky gone and his new stepbrother and Puckerman on his side, hostility against the Glee club had lessened, but not disappeared. As he came out, Sebastian was still sitting on the bed, looking around.

"I'll wake you up in a couple of hours. There's a bus going from Lima to Westerville that passes Dalton just in time for you to get there before first period. I took it a few times, myself." He didn't wait for Sebastian to thank him or say goodnight. He was too tired and didn't expect much gratitude from the boy, anyway. Instead he just grabbed one of the pillows off the bed, tucked it under his arm, and left.  
  
*

Sebastian dry-heaved again, clutching his stomach with one hand, the other gripping the toilet bowl until his knuckles looked as white as his face. Everything hurt. Even though his stomach had nothing left to give, his eyes were still tearing up and his nose was running as his body tried to cope with the poison in his bloodstream. He shivered. Slowly, the cold of the tiles was arriving in his knees and chilling his lower back. Somewhere in the last half hour he had taken off his shirt to use it as a towel. It was wet now and there would be no point putting it back on. At least this bathroom was clean. Very clean in fact. It didn't even smell- or it hadn't until he had started throwing up. It made the physical act marginally less bad, though it didn't help with the feeling that he was out of place. But those thoughts pushed themselves from his pounding mind as another spasm shuddered through him.

Carole carefully opened the door and looked inside. Her first thought was very selfish and made her blush: _Thank god it isn't Finn or Kurt._ Having established that, she knew this poor boy was one of their friends and deserved help, too. Burt had told her one of Kurt's friends was staying over because they had been to some kind of party, and as she had made a nightly bathroom trip she had heard the noises coming from Kurt's room and its adjoining private bath. That the boy hadn't even locked the door said a lot about his state (Carole knew boys his age preferred their privacy in the bathroom for reasons she'd rather not think about). She took two large towels and a washcloth from the board under the sink and ran the cloth under lukewarm water. Then she carefully approached the boy, put a cool hand on the back of his neck and pressed the cloth against his forehead.

Sebastian froze and then tried to lash out in panic, his hand movements still heavily uncoordinated. His head spun. The last time he had been this drunk someone had stolen his wallet while he was sleeping. He'd be damned if he let that happen again, he had to--

"Shh...it's okay, it's just me," Carole shushed him. "I just want to clean you up a little and then you can go to bed again, okay? You'll be fine."

Sebastian panted, the movement having made the pounding in his head ten times worse. He felt dizzy. Somehow, the wet cloth helped. He closed his eyes and held still as soft hands wiped his face and his neck, even running the cloth through his hair. He shivered again, and a moment later, a large towel was wrapped around him and someone was rubbing his arms. He tried to open his eyes.

“Are you Kurt’s mom?” he asked quietly, wincing as his own voice sounded way too loud in his own ears.

“No, honey, I’m Finn’s mom. But I’m Kurt’s step-mom too,” Carole replied kindly. “You must be from Dalton.” She brushed some of the wet hair off his forehead and wondered how old he was. He looked younger than Finn, but that might be his current complexion.

Sebastian nodded, having enough clarity of mind not to introduce himself. If Kurt had told anyone about him (had he?) the stories weren’t likely to be positive. He didn’t feel fit enough to deal with that right now.

“Did you bring a change of clothes?” Carole asked, spotting the wet t-shirt on the floor.

“No, ma’m,” Sebastian replied timidly. “I was supposed to drive back to Westerville tonight but-“ he broke off and turned away, reaching for the bowl. False alarm.

Carole could guess why he hadn’t ventured the trip, and patted his back. “That’s ok. I’ll just put this in the laundry,” she said, picking up the wet shirt despite Sebastian’s feeble attempt to grab it before she could touch it, “and I’ll get you one of Finn’s shirts. You can just give it to Kurt when you get back home. Why don’t you take a shower? I’ll put the shirt out in a minute.”

Sebastian just stared. Was this woman for real? “Thanks,” he mumbled, feeling incredibly inadequate. Kurt’s step-mom was awesome. He wondered what his own mother would have done, finding him like this. Nothing, most likely. Ignoring something had always been a great method of conflict avoidance in the Smythe family.

A while later, freshly showered and with a shirt that said “McKinley Titans”, Sebastian carefully ventured back to Kurt’s bedroom.

*****

A few hours later, Kurt stood in front of his closed bedroom door. He had already showered and dressed, taking his time with his skincare to make sure the late night didn't show in his face, and now all he needed was his other pair of boots. That, and to get rid of the sleeping boy in his bed. Bracing himself for whatever wreckage he'd find inside, he knocked and, when he didn't hear anything, carefully opened the door.

Sebastian was lying diagonally over his bed, one arm thrown over his eyes and the blanket draped over his hips with one bare leg sticking out. For a moment, Kurt just stared at him. With his hair all crumpled up and his face peaceful in sleep, he looked boyish and by far not as arrogant and annoying as when he was awake. Only at second glance did Kurt recognize the McKinley shirt and his eyes shot to his closed wardrobe until he realized it wasn't his. The shirt he had worn during his short time on the football team in sophomore year would never had fit Sebastian. It had to be Finn's. Idly wondering if Finn had sneaked his laundry into Kurt's basket again (he had the annoying habit of doing that so he'd have less laundry to do himself) and Sebastian had just taken it out without asking, Kurt looked back at the sleeping boy. He was well-defined in the abs-section, Kurt had to give him that. He let his eyes follow the trail of small birthmarks that peeked out from under the shirt where it rode up on Sebastian's midriff. It looked a little like a kid's connect-the-dots template, and he smirked as he entertained the thought of Sebastian's 'hidden picture'- it was probably a big arrow pointing downwards as if to say 'get it here'. As he realized he was _checking out_ Sebastian Smythe, he quickly averted his eyes and cleared his throat loudly, hoping the boy would wake up. Sebastian frowned without waking up and, to make things even more embarrassing, moaned in a way that shot straight to Kurt's groin whether he wanted it to or not. Kurt blushed even deeper and decided he needed his boots, like, right now. He leaped to his closet and started rummaging around, making enough noise for Sebastian to wake up.

Before he could check if it was working, music started playing in the room, softly at first but swelling as it continued. Kurt frowned as he recognized the song. _Je ne regrette rien_ was Sebastian's ring-tone? How typical. He heard the boy rustle his sheets and figured he was probably scrambling for his phone. Kurt told himself he wasn't interested in whoever was calling Sebastian this early and tried to focus back on his boots, but he couldn't help but perk up his ears as Sebastian's drowsy voice answered in faultless- if slightly slurred- french.

_-Yeah that's because it's 6 am or something. I told you not to call me when it's daylight with you._

_-No, I'm in Disneyworld. Where do you think? Yeah, Ohio. It's a state._

Sebastian sighed deeply and again, Kurt felt the sound run down his spine and tingle in his stomach. He was probably just hungry, he told himself.

_-No, I'm... in some guy's room. Got kinda late._

Kurt held his breath and listened closely. If Sebastian was going to tell whoever he was talking to some braggy story about last night, he was going to interrupt. He could- his French was good enough. He would not have some french person he had never met think he was some kind of floozy.

_-None of your business. Oh, come on, like Jeremy wasn't just waiting for me to leave so he could make a move on you. Yes, that's what I think. Am I wrong? There you are then._

Another long pause. The person on the other side was probably telling Sebastian not to talk to him like that. At least that was what Kurt would say.

_-Fine. If that's what you want. Then stop calling me. Fine._

Kurt could hear the sound of something hitting the floor. It was probably Sebastian's phone; at least he hoped it was, and not something off his nightstand. He clutched his boots and bit his lip. Should he wait for Sebastian to fall back to sleep so he wouldn't know Kurt had heard him? But they didn't really have time for him to go back to sleep...he had a bus to catch or he might still be expelled and this whole thing had been for nothing.

"You can come out now, Kurt," Sebastian said, his voice a little rough. Kurt swallowed hard and tried to put on his best poker face.

*****

Sebastian was sitting up, his head propped up against the high headrest of Kurt's bed. He still had a bad headache, but thanks to the shower and the strip of Aspirins Kurt's step-mom had left on the clean shirt, he no longer felt nauseous. He carefully felt under his shirt for his ribs and smiled about the irony of his ring tone. He had the first line of the Edit Piaf song inked into his skin, promising himself that he lived without regret- and it had promptly gotten infected as if to prove him wrong. It was the first thing he regretted about Paris- and by far not the last. As soon as he started thinking about that, his head seemed to hurt more. He ground his teeth and focused on Kurt, trying to ignore his father's voice in his head telling him he had wasted his chances. At least he had lived, right? He blinked away the memories and forced himself back to the present. Dalton. Scandals. Blaine. Kurt Hummel.

The boy gave him an unfazed look as if he regularly met half-naked men while coming out of the wardrobe fully dressed. He even raised his eyebrow at the shirt. Well, Sebastian thought, that probably did need some explaining.

"Go Titans?" he tried, offering Kurt a crooked smile. "Your step-mom gave it to me. My shirt got kind of...wet, I guess."

"Oh. That's ok," Kurt replied.

He studied Kurt for a moment. "Your step-mom is nice," he admitted, uncharacteristically honest. His head hurt too much to wrap it up in an insult for Kurt. "Most parents would have been angry about teenage drinking."

Kurt's lips tightened into a firm line. "Yeah, she's great." He hesitated for a moment before adding: "I had to tell my dad about Scandals though, so I'll probably be grounded for a while. I hope you learned your lesson about drinking on a school night."

Sebastian shrugged, wincing as the movement shot a stab of pain through his ribs. "Yeah, life's short. Keep drinking until you need a liver transplant," he quipped, pushing away the uncomfortable feeling of guilt that was trying to creep up on him. Kurt rolled his eyes, making him look so judgmental that it certainly helped chase the guilt away. For a moment, neither of them spoke and they just glared at each other.

"So," Sebastian started, picking up their conversation as if he had just reached a conclusion of epic epiphany proportions but not actually following it up with anything.

"So..." Kurt echoed.

"About that call you eavesdropped on-"  
"You'd better get dressed..."

They looked at each other and then spoke again at the same time.

"I wasn't eavesdropping!"  
"Your step-mom still got my clothes."

"Oh." Kurt looked back at his wardrobe and chewed his lip. "I'll go check if they're dry yet," he offered, but before he could leave the room, there was a knock, a pause, and a large, intimidating man wearing a baseball cap stepped into the room. Sebastian automatically recoiled, pushing back against the headrest and pulling the sheet up over his body.

"Mornin' Kurt," the man said gruffly, nodding at his son. Sebastian swallowed. Didn't Kurt just say his dad knew about Scandals? Sebastian could feel his head pounding with adrenaline as the man's eyes turned on him.

"So you're the kid from Dalton. Carole said you were pretty sick last night. You okay?"

Sebastian took in the figure of Kurt’s dad. Whatever he had expected, if he had ever given thoughts to Kurt's parents at all, it was not the large man in stained working clothes in front of him. He looked…fierce. And on edge. Right- he had asked Sebastian a question. Sebastian swallowed.

"Yes, sir. My name is Sebastian Smythe. I... I'm okay, I guess. I've got a headache, but..."

"Well, good. I'm sorry but you deserve it. You can count yourself lucky to have a friend like Kurt here to drive you."

Sebastian looked at Kurt, who seemed almost as uncomfortable about the word 'friend' as he did. "Yes, sir," he mumbled quickly.

"So, Kurt, I got this '67 Mustang roadster in the shop today, I thought maybe after school you and your boyfriend could come check it out. Blaine said he used to work on cars with his dad and he seemed interested in keeping up his skills."

Kurt smiled. "That'd be great dad, but we got the musical tonight, remember? We'll stay at school. And you and Carole need to get there at half past seven so start scrubbing those cuticles at six!"

Mr Hummel looked down on his hands and his black-rimmed fingernails. "I can try," he offered. "And you'd better put some clothes out for me if you want me to dress up specific."

"I will. Do you think the roadster will still be there tomorrow?"

Now that Sebastian had identified himself, Mr Hummel paid him no more attention than he would a pet in the room. Instead, he addressed his son- though not in the way Sebastian was usually addressed by his father. Mr Hummel actually _talked_ to Kurt rather than questioned or commanded, and it almost sounded like they were equals.

Sebastian didn't really understand what was so great about this car he mentioned, never having had a car of his own, but apparently it was a topic they talked about more often. In France, teens couldn't apply for a license until they were 18, and after the fiasco of his early return to the US, his father had denied him the permission (and the funds) to get a set of wheels. It was his way of keeping Sebastian confined to Dalton Academy, leaving taxi fares and hitching rides from friends the only alternatives. It was weird, hearing them talk like that. Kurt's father also seemed to accept Kurt's sexuality without any qualms, using the term 'boyfriend' as easily as most fathers would mention their son's girlfriends. He wondered if his own father would ever do that- it seemed unlikely. Then again, he had never brought anyone home to meet his parents, so it wasn't as if his father had ever had the opportunity.

Sebastian didn't realize that he had been addressed until Kurt said his name.

"Sebastian? My dad said Carole can drive you to the bus stop in Lima but she leaves for work in half an hour."

"Oh. Yeah. Thanks. That'd be great," Sebastian said, trying to force his mind to keep up through the blurred edges of his hangover.

"I'll go and ask her about your stuff."

Sebastian nodded and watched as Kurt walked out of the room. Suddenly he realized that he was now all alone with Mr Hummel. The man mustered him.

"Listen, I'm not your dad so I can't tell you what to do. But I don't want my son going to clubs where they serve alcohol to minors. So if that's your idea of fun, I don't want you hanging around with Kurt. Do I make myself clear?"

"Yes sir," Sebastian replied, trying not to think of a workshop full of heavy machinery and car-tools and what those could do to his arms and legs should he ever cross this man. About an hour from now, when he was dressed and had a coffee and was safely in the bus to Westerville, he would evaluate this meeting with Kurt's father and conclude that he envied Kurt for his parents- but right now, he really just wanted to get out of there before Mr Hummel decided to punish him after all.

Satisfied with his answer, Burt Hummel left and Sebastian was alone in Kurt's room. He lay back on the soft pillow and closed his eyes. The fabric smelled nice; a bit like the towels Kurt's stepmom had wrapped around him, but mixed with something else, a hint of cologne he vaguely recognized. It was light enough to be pleasant without being stifling. Sebastian rested his forearm over his face to shield his eyes from the sun that was coming in through the window and let his other hand wander freely over his abdomen, breathing in deeply and trying to will his hangover to go away. Maybe he could sleep some more...

It was no good. There were too many sounds coming from downstairs, reminding him that he would have to be ready in half an hour. He sat up and looked around. He supposed it wasn't that bad, apart from the tacky lamps. He probably also wouldn't need such a large walk-in closet, but Kurt clearly cared about his appearance. He probably had one of those rotating shoe-racks in there, Sebastian thought, rolling his eyes at the idea. He climbed out of the bed, his heavy limbs feeling as uncoordinated as Bambi on ice. Until Kurt came back with his clothes, he could splash some water into his face and see if he could find some mouthwash. His tongue tasted like something had died on it.

*****

Kurt came back into the room carrying Sebastian's freshly washed and dried clothes (really, Carole was too good for him, but then, at least this way she wouldn't have to share a car with a boy stinking of stale smoke and vomit). He was balancing a plate with two pieces of toast and a glass of orange juice in his other hand. He wasn't quite sure what had compelled him to bring Sebastian Smythe breakfast in bed, but it might keep him agreeable. Sebastian had been remarkably docile when his father was in the room. Polite. No smart mouth, no lewd jokes. Kurt wondered what Sebastian's father was like. His thoughts evaporated as he saw the boy standing by the bed in the McKinley shirt and a snug pair of briefs- and touching his stuff again.

"Sebastian..." he said, his voice a clear warning.

Sebastian quickly put the photo frame he had been studying back on the bedside table and had the decency to look guilty about being caught. After washing himself and using what he assumed were Kurt's mouthwash and hairbrush, he had gotten bored and decided to inspect Kurt's stuff- not because he actually cared, of course, but because he had nothing else to do.

Kurt's voice made him turn around to see the boy holding his clothes. Feeling a little more awake than before, Sebastian took in his outfit. Kurt was wearing tight-fitting bondage pants, the straps crossing over his crotch and hanging down his thighs, a crisp white shirt with a high collar and a draped blue scarf, pinned to the shirt with a glittering insect brooch. _This_ was a school-appropriate outfit? How had the boy ever survived in a school where school uniforms were enforced?

Kurt looked at him with a challenge in his eyes, probably expecting him to comment it. How could he disappoint his host?

"Those straps, are they to keep people from running away when you talk to them?" he joked. "Because, really, the scarf and the pin already clearly state you enjoy pain and humiliation, you don't need the bondage stuff for that."

Kurt could feel the color in his cheeks rising, but didn't want to rise to the bait. He knew he looked good and Sebastian just lacked the vocabulary and the decency to say so. "It's from Westwood's street collection," he said coolly. "But I wouldn't expect you to understand, seeing as you're the kind of guy who pops the collar of his _polo shirt_ up and thinks it makes him look cooler. Besides," he added, not sure why he even bothered to explain, "hopefully the temptation to mess with the straps will distract the jocks from slushying my shirt so I can wear it until break. It's easier to untie myself from a dumpster or the janitor's cart than change shirts between periods."

Sebastian raised his eyebrows in surprise. "You change outfits after lunch?" Just how fashion-obsessed was this guy?

Kurt shrugged. "I have no illusions about my white shirt surviving the cafeteria's neanderthal gathering unscathed. But it'll give me an excuse to combine the pants with my new tennis jacket." He held out the things he was holding. "You should get dressed. Carole will want to leave soon."

"Yeah," Sebastian mumbled, accepting the clothes and the plate without further comment. His mind was still at Kurt's calm acceptance of the ridiculing and besmirching of his designer clothes and his positive attitude. Just how often had this happened for him to actually plan it into his daily schedule? He double-checked if he felt sorry for Kurt. He kinda did. Wow. He must still be pretty drunk. He quickly downed the orange juice, knowing he needed the liquid and the vitamins, and pulled on his jeans. Kurt had actually turned away to give him privacy as he dressed. Sebastian shook his head. His loss, when he could have sneaked a look at his body for free.

Kurt waited with his back turned until Sebastian cleared his throat. He could have left the room, but he didn't want to give Sebastian the chance to paw more of his things. It was bad enough that he'd have to change the sheets on his bed again today. And clean his bathroom. Who knew what kind of things the Dalton boy was carrying, with his lifestyle.

"I'm not telling Blaine about this," Kurt stated. His boyfriend didn't need to know that, in a moment of weakness, he had told Sebastian about their fight. Of all people. The less Sebastian Smythe was mentioned between them, the better.

"Okay," Sebastian replied, not at all sad about Blaine not finding out about him not being able to handle his alcohol."It can be our dirty little secret." He winked at Kurt and bit into a piece of toast. Then he spotted his phone on the floor. He wondered how much Kurt had heard from his phone call, and how much he had understood. Not that it mattered. That part of his life was over now. Even if he got back to Paris after graduation, life would have moved on without him, the people would be gone, the places different. _Je ne regrette rien_ , he told himself sternly, fighting down the nausea as he swallowed his toast.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sebastian and Kurt meet again at the Lima Bean; Sebastian's attempts to win over Blaine intensify.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Timeframe: season 3, "Hold On to Sixteen"

For weeks, Kurt didn't think about Sebastian at all. As far as he was concerned, the boy didn't even exist. He had a lot of other things on his mind. Or maybe just one thing: Blaine. They had taken their relationship to the next level after West Side Story and since then, after-school homework sessions and film nights had gotten a lot more interesting. Their first time had been perfect and it felt like the both of them couldn't get enough of each other after that. Kurt finally understood why all modern books, movies and TV-series were centered around sex. And why even inside the Glee club, relationships and partners were like a round of musical chairs. His father had been right. Now that he had had it, he wanted it again and again.

But after several nights of very little sleep, the newness was beginning to fade and their daily trouble caught back up with them. Losing the senior class president election, first because everyone thought he cheated, and then finding out that it was actually Rachel who had sabotaged him thinking she was helping him out, ruining both their chances at NYADA; it sapped at Kurt's strength as much as several orgasms in a row. Blaine was also starting to seem pre-occupied. Kurt knew it wasn't easy for him at McKinley. Though he had never been slushied and only rarely mocked (not even by Sue Sylvester), the Glee club still hadn't really accepted him. The only one beside Kurt who seemed enthusiastic to have him was Rachel. It didn't help that Dalton had won their sectionals when McKinley's chances at winning were minimal. Kurt knew it had to feel like he had switched to the losing team while all of his former friends were doing well without him. He hoped it wouldn't make Blaine resent transferring, or worse; make him resent Kurt. He tried to be as supportive as possible, but it wasn't easy when he also doubted they'd make it this year.

It didn't help at all when Sebastian joined them in the Lima Bean to rub salt into their wounds. Kurt hadn't heard a word from the boy ever since his step-mom had dropped him off at the bus, which made it awkward every time his dad or Carole mentioned Dalton and asked how his friend was doing. Not that he actually wanted to hear from him, but some short message that he made it back to Dalton or maybe even a thank-you would have been the human thing to do. To his surprise, the Warbler insinuated that he and Blaine had continued talking online after Scandals, and Blaine's blush confirmed it. Kurt hadn't thought they'd still be talking, not after Blaine had assured him that Sebastian meant nothing to him. What was it about the boy that made Blaine unable to let go? What did they talk about? Was it just the Warbler-thing? The connection to Dalton? Did he miss that so much he even hung out online with guys as obnoxious as Sebastian just to stay in the loop? Kurt decided it was time to put some things straight. He might have helped the boy once, but the gloves were off now. As soon as Blaine was out of hearing distance, he told Sebastian exactly what he thought of him. The boy countered with a threat, and like some badly cast Bond villain, told Kurt about his evil plans to take over Regionals and Blaine. Seconds later he was all smiles and courtesy again. The guy made Kurt sick. He was so fake! Kurt wasn't sure what it said about Blaine that he didn't notice what was going on. Still, he wasn't going to call attention to it- not again. It would make him seem like the 'overly attached girlfriend' meme and that look didn't suit him at all. Instead, he said nothing as Sebastian left and Blaine and him concentrated back on their shared woes.

*****

Sebastian crumpled his empty cup in a fist and threw it in the waste basket. He felt annoyed. He shouldn't have let Kurt get to him, but the stupid things the boy had said had provoked him. He felt his gelled fringe. It was fine. It was certainly a lot more stylish than anything on C.W. Interestingly enough, that annoyed him more than the Craigslist thing. He took pride in his grooming, maybe not as much as Kurt did, but enough. And he was one of a kind. Implying that he wasn't, pissed him off. Kurt thought he was so much better than him, just because he had Blaine!

He didn't know why, but Kurt called out the worst in him. It made him really want to take Blaine away from him, even if he didn't need him as much anymore as he had before- word had spread among the Warblers and Blaine's reputation had done wonders for his own. He had even gotten a lead at Sectionals! At Regionals, he planned to have all the solos. A few more good words from Blaine, maybe another visit to Dalton, and Sebastian's position with the Warblers would be made. And since McKinley probably wouldn't even make it past Sectionals, that also got rid of the Kurt-problem. Still, every time he saw that angelic face with that ski slope nose, whether it was in real life or on facebook, he felt a surge of guilt and phantom nausea. He couldn't believe he had told Kurt he had been expelled from his school in Paris. It made him vulnerable. He wished he could just undo that entire night and not have to constantly feel like he owed Kurt a favor.

 ****  
[One week later]

The moment had come where everything came together. In the afternoon, Sebastian had been voted Captain of the Warblers, meaning he'd get a large say in their song repertoire and all the solos. The title had never been official before, but after Blaine left, the Council knew they needed someone new to take his place, and the boys had decided to take it to the vote. It helped, of course, that Sebastian had managed to convince Blaine to visit them again and they had sung a song together...

"Now guys, if I may have your attention for a moment," Sebastian announced, getting up from the leather couch in the Common Room and straightening his blazer, "Blaine was telling me the other day that he's a bit of a Sinatra fan..."

Blaine smiled and nodded, shrugging at the boys like it was some kind of embarrassing vice Sebastian had uncovered. Some of whom nodded back and grinned at him.

"So I found this little song to sing in his honor. Only, Blaine... you know, it's kind of tricky to sing a duet alone..." Sebastian gave Blaine a pointed look. On cue, the boy blushed.

"Oh, I couldn't," he started to protest. "I'm not a Warbler anymore, you guys, I can't jam with you..."

"Nonsense," Sebastian insisted, "Once a Warbler...right? So.... _Like the wallpaper sticks to the wall..._ "

"Bas..."

" _Like the seashore clings to the sea..._ " Sebastian gave him another line to reconsider. He could tell Blaine was already singing along in his mind.

" _Like you'll never get rid of your shadow...Frank, you'll never get rid of me._ " Blaine sung out, standing up from his seat and spreading his arms, and together they finished " _Let all the others fight and fuss - Whatever happens, we've got us._ "

The other Warblers who knew the sung started up a background and joined them in the chorus, and their beatboxer even got down a very good trumpet sound while Sebastian and Blaine circled the Common Room, their voices layering playfully through the song, singing alternatingly to each other and to the rest of the boys.

_"Me and my shadow_  
_We're closer than pages that stick in a book_  
_We're closer than ripples that play in a brook_  
_Strolling down the avenue_  
_Wherever you find him, you'll find me, just look "_

It had been a lucky guess, but it had worked. Blaine could never resist a song, and this one had been on his shared Spotify playlist for weeks so Sebastian knew the ex-Warbler liked it. It was classy enough for the Warblers and the theme was just right to give everyone the right message; him and Blaine were one of a kind, and Sebastian should be the guy's replacement. He had been practicing for days before he invited Blaine, learning both Sam and Frank's part until he could flawlessly fill in no matter which Blaine would chose. The vote for Captain had been almost unanimous.

*

"That was amazing, we should do that again some time," Blaine said enthusiastically. Sebastian was walking him to his car. It was starting to get dark.

"I know. I think we go well together." He had his hands in the pockets of his trousers and offered Blaine a casual smile. "I can't believe they want me to be the new you."

Blaine blushed. "No, they want you to be _you_ , Bastian. Don't be a copy of someone else."

Sebastian shrugged. "Still, I'm gonna need a lot of pointers. I think you should come over more often, you know, help me out." He looked into Blaine's eyes, leaving it up to the boy's imagination just what exactly he could use help with.

"Sebastian..." Blaine's voice took on a slight edge. He sounded hesitant and a little disappointed.

"What? I can't help it, Blaine," he said, mock-innocently. "You're amazing. I envy Kurt so much. He gets to sing like this with you in Glee club all the time and I-"

"Actually, we don't...we can't," Blaine interrupted. "I sing most of my songs with Rachel Berry. Our teacher's a bit... traditional. And it makes the guys uncomfortable. But Kurt understands."

Sebastian looked over his shoulder at Dalton and back at Blaine. "The Warblers were fine with it," he stated. "You miss this place, don't you?"

Blaine blinked and hesitated. "I transferred to be with Kurt, Sebastian. You know that. It wasn't because I didn't like it here or because I didn't love singing in the Warblers."

Sebastian shrugged. "But you are with him, at school, at Glee club...that doesn't mean you can't have other friends, does it? I mean, he has other friends, right?"

"Well, yes, but-"

"So what's the problem? There are so many songs we could sing, Blaine, right here, with no teachers to tell us it's inappropriate, and surrounded by friends who care about you-"

"The Glee club cares about me," Blaine protested.

"Do they?" Sebastian volleyed back. "Or does Kurt just want you to think that so he can keep you to himself?"

"I... I have to go," Blaine said, taking out his car keys. Sebastian reached out and closed his hand over Blaine's, stepping closer and trapping the keys inside their linked hands between their bodies. He felt like he needed to push a little harder now that the boy's resolve seemed to be teetering on the edge.

"You don't have to choose between your relationship and all of this," he whispered urgently, nodding towards Dalton. "I can give you what you need, as long and as often as you’d like, whenever you need it. All you have to do is come here. No one has to know." He could feel Blaine's breath hitch and he could see the boy's eyes narrowing with want. He was almost there. He leaned closer still, his lips almost touching Blaine's. "There is so much we can learn from each other," he said. "Just let me..."

"Bastian," Blaine breathed, pulling away before Sebastian's kiss could reach its target. "Please don't. I - I want to be friends with you, I really do, but...that's all. I love Kurt." He sounded defensive. Sebastian could tell he felt guilty - guilty for wanting this, for being aroused. The only thing keeping him from kissing back was his stupid moral code, that Warbler decency. It was so old-fashioned.

"Are you sure?" Sebastian asked, "because you're sure giving off a lot of mixed signals here." He reached out and ran the back of his finger down one of Blaine's glowing cheeks. If possible, they burned even brighter after that. Blaine took a few steps back, deliberately putting space between them.

"Yeah, I'm sure, okay? Kurt and I love each other. We have this...special thing. I want you to respect that."

Sebastian raised up his open palms in a sign of defeat. For now, he would have to back down. But not without a last small push. "I'm sorry, Blaine," he offered. "I guess I just...thought we had something special too. When we sang back there, it just felt-- But it's okay. I understand. Honestly, it isn't the first time that I completely mess things up. Maybe I should just accept the fact that guys like you will never be with someone like me." He gave Blaine the saddest look he could muster. "My dad was probably right. I'm no good."

Blaine sighed. "Sebastian, that's not...That's not what I am saying, you know that." He stepped closer again, tentatively putting a hand on the other boy's elbow. "If it wasn't for Kurt-"

"Don't," Sebastian interrupted him. "That's only making it worse."

"I'm sorry. I just meant, I want to be your friend. You're a really good singer and a spectacular dancer. And I like chatting with you and hanging out. You're a great guy. Just...take it easy with the flirting, okay?"

"'Kay," Sebastian offered, looking repentant. "Thanks. I'll, uh...see you online then?"

"Sure."

*

Sebastian watched Blaine go and shook his head. He wasn't ready to give up, even if he had already gotten what he wanted out of their friendship when it came to his career at Dalton. Now that he had met Kurt and Blaine and had seen their devotion to each other, their pathetic lovesick stares and all that talk of respect and soul mates, his hookups from Scandals had lost their appeal. He wanted to prove that he could also have someone like Blaine so he no longer had to feel inferior to Kurt. He would just have to keep on working at it.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Picks up directly after the last chapter; then incorporates the deleted Warbler scene from 'Michael', I Want You Back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Timeframe: season 3, "Michael"

"Hey, where've you been? I thought you'd be over sooner," Kurt said, trying to keep the accusation out of his voice. He had honestly missed Blaine and today had been a perfect opportunity to spend some quality time together after school. His father was in Washington for two days and Carole had taken time off to go with him. Finn had used the momentum to go stay at Rachel's, telling Kurt in a very roundabout way that he'd be gone for a while in case Kurt "wanted to do something he didn't want to know anything about".

"I was at Dalton," Blaine said, avoiding Kurt's eyes as he put his bag down by the foot of Kurt's bed. Kurt felt a ripple of tension course through his shoulders, but he pushed them back and tried to ignore it.

"Oh? How is everyone?" he asked neutrally.

Blaine looked at him for a moment and smiled. "Good. They... everyone told me send you their love."

"Everyone?" Kurt repeated, unable to help himself. "Why do I find that unlikely? The only thing Sebastian would ever send me is the shirt of Nessus," he mumbled gloomily. Why did Blaine keep going back there? Wasn't McKinley enough? Was _he_ not enough?

"The shirt of what?" Blaine asked distractedly, sitting down on the bed.

"Never mind. So you had a good time?" Kurt sat down as well, pulling up his knees and wrapping his arms around them.

Blaine shrugged. "Sure. We hung out, we sang a few songs..."

"Really? What songs?" Kurt perked up a little. Maybe he had some insider information about the kind of stuff the Warblers were working on. It wasn't spying if they had shared it with him, right?

"Just some classics. Sinatra. It was fun."

"Wow, I'm impressed. No Pink, huh?" Kurt teased. "So is that what they are into now?"

"I don't know. Maybe," Blaine answered evasively, getting up and walking to Kurt's shelves, tracing his finger over the glittering skull that sat between Kurt's books. "Sebastian's captain now, so I guess the song selection will mainly be his job."

"Hmmm," Kurt replied non-commitally. "And Sebastian just happens to pick a Sinatra song while you're going through a Sinatra phase?"

"I'm not-- it's not a phase!" Blaine object, turning to face Kurt. "You know I always liked him."

It was Kurt's turn to shrug. "Clearly Sebastian knows that too."

Blaine sighed. "Why does everything have to come down to us talking about him?" he asked.

"You tell me," Kurt replied. "Why does that creep have everyone at Dalton wrapped around his finger? Including you?"

Blaine frowned. "He's not-- what do you mean?"

"I mean he’s bad for you, Blaine. Sure, he’s got that bad-boy charm and he’s been to Europe-"

"Kurt."

" …and I know he’s a good singer, and he’s a Warbler and everything, but he’s really just looking to add you to his tally and I couldn’t bear-" Kurt continued quickly, trying to get everything he had gone through in his head so many times before -

Blaine quickly crossed the distance between them and put a finger on his lips. "Kurt. Nothing is going on between Sebastian and me. I told you that before."

Kurt sat back. "Do you promise?" He disliked the way he sounded, all needy and hopeful, but he couldn't help it. Blaine kept going back to his old school, and Sebastian's replies and messages kept popping up on facebook and it all just seemed like they were getting closer and closer. "But…then why do you keep talking to him? Why did we go to that bar?"

Blaine shrugged. "I thought it was kind of flattering of him to be so into me. I felt bad blowing him off. He was new at the Warblers, didn’t know many of the others…I wanted to be polite. And really, weren't you the one who wanted to go to Scandals?" He looked at Kurt and gave him that adorable private smile that made Kurt want to stop arguing and just kiss him instead. He was about to do so when Blaine continued. "I’m sorry, Kurt. I didn’t realize how it must have seemed for you. You should have told me-" Suddenly, Blaine broke off and he frowned, sitting back to eye Kurt critically.

"Did Sebastian say anything to hurt you?"

Kurt took a few seconds to evaluate the talk he had with Sebastian, then shook his head. "Nothing I hadn’t heard before," he said, shrugging it off.

"Okay," Blaine said, sounding doubtful. "Look, if it bothers you so much, I'll tone it down, okay? And the moment he does anything against you he's dead to me. No one is worth that. I love you."

_You've been seeing dead people then_ , Kurt thought sinisterly, but didn't say it. Instead, he decided to take Blaine's words for truth. "I love you, too" he whispered.   
  


*

**3:00 pm StSebastien @ B.Anderson:** hey champ, the Warblers are testing out our first MJ song under my lead and choreography and we need an audience. Wanna come over? :-)

**3:14 pm B.Anderson @ StSebastien:** I think that would only make tension worse, Sebastian. The Glee club was really not amused about your threats at lunch.

**3:16 pm B.Anderson @ StSebastien:** And you shouldn't have been so rude to Kurt.

**3:18 pm StSebastien @ B.Anderson:** He started :( Why can't I come to the Lima Bean? He acts like that's some kind of personal attack aimed at him. I like their coffee and I like running into you.

**3:25 pm B.Anderson @ StSebastien:** I know. He's just a little sensitive about you.

**3:26 pm StSebastien @ B.Anderson:** Did you tell him about the other time?

Sebastian bit his lip. He wasn't sure what he hoped Blaine would reply. If he hadn't told Kurt, it meant he felt it was something to hide. And keeping secrets was something Sebastian could work with. But somehow he also wanted Kurt to know he had almost convinced Blaine. It might provoke him to do something stupid and drive Blaine into his arms. His phone buzzed and he quickly opened the message.

**3:27 pm B.Anderson @ StSebastien:** No. I don't want to worry him when there's nothing to worry about.

**3:28 pm B.Anderson @ StSebastien:** But it's not just that. I feel really bad for telling you about MJ week. I didn't know you were going to take that idea for the Warblers.

**3:29 pm StSebastien @ B.Anderson:** Don't feel bad. There's no law about talking to your friends. MJ belongs to all of us. And you can bring your Glee club along to our rehearsal if you want. We have nothing to hide. Would make us equal again, right?

**3:31 pm B.Anderson @ StSebastien:** I'll think about it. When's your practice?

**3:32 pm StSebastien @ B.Anderson:** At 6. I promise I'll behave. Warbler's honor.

**3:34 pm B.Anderson @ StSebastien:** I'll ask them and text you.   


*

"Hey Blaine, I'm so glad you could make it. And you brought the Scoobies. How nice. Velma." Sebastian smirked at Kurt.

Kurt narrowed his eyes. This whole idea had been wrong. Why had they voluntarily veered into the lion's den? Nothing good could come out of this. But Blaine had convinced them all that Sebastian was repentant and offered to let them sit in on their MJ rehearsal to make up for it. The others had grudgingly agreed to come.

"If he makes any more homophobic jokes I'm gonna kick his ass," Santana hissed quietly, sounding like she was kind of hoping he would so she'd have a reason.

"I'll help you," he replied under his breath.

"No offense, Porcelain, but you fight like a girl," she replied, nudging him with her elbow and winking to show she only still used the nickname in good humor. Kurt sent her a small smile.

"I thought that was just your thing," he quipped, and she stuck out her tongue. He saw Sebastian move from the corner of his eye and quickly concentrated back on him again.

"...it's not completely finished, so I'm really curious about _your_ feedback in particular, Blaine," he heard Sebastian drawl.

"I'm pretty sure _we_ can give you a detailed list of what your performance is lacking, Sebastian," Kurt said sharply. "I can already put 'lack of subtility' on it right now."

"Oh? Like 'lack of testosterone' is on your list explaining that annoyingly high-pitched sound I keep hearing when you open your mouth?" Sebastian countered.

"That's enough, Sebastian," Blaine said sternly. "You promised."

"Oh come on, that was just a joke. Kurt has to learn to receive if he wants to dish out, you know. Anyway, let's get started. My Warblers are waiting for me." Sebastian started up ahead and Blaine shot Kurt a guilty look. Kurt shook his head. It wasn't his boyfriend's fault Sebastian was such a dick. And honestly, from all of the insults he had heard over the last few years, slights about his voice were really not the ones that kept him up at night. He was far more annoyed at Sebastian calling the group _his_ Warblers. What gave him the right?

"Let's just get this over with," Kurt said quietly, and together, they followed Sebastian into the Warblers' Common Room.

*

_None of that was classy._ As soon as he was alone in his dorm, Sebastian kicked his wardrobe in anger, stubbing his toe hard. The throbbing pain only made him angrier. That stupid, prissy Kurt had infected Blaine with his prudish ways. That performance was meant to be sexy! He had designed it especially to finally sweep Blaine off his feet. And it would have worked too, if Kurt could have kept his mouth shut instead of provoking him into another of his mean quips. But it was like as soon as Kurt dared him, Sebastian's brain just stopped working and he simply lashed out, no matter the consequences. Kurt brought that out in him. He probably did it on purpose to make him look bad in front of Blaine.

That did it. It was over. Kurt was gonna pay for this, and Sebastian was going to hit him where it hurt.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sebastian is called to the Warbler Council to explain his behavior; thinking he got off easy, he doesn't question his own actions until the events of "On My Way"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Timeframe: season 3, after "Michael" – then continues into "On My Way"

"Warbler Sebastian, do you know why you're here?" Thad asked, sounding official and pompous. He was sitting in the middle of the three Warbler Council members at their wooden desk, gavel in front of him, and all three were looking serious- and seriously pissed off. Sebastian hated this separation of musical and jurisdictional power in the Warblers. Though he was the lead singer now and captain of the Warblers, the Council still presided over him when it came to matters of discipline and communications with Dalton school board. It was power he would never have, and he hated feeling inferior to people his own age. Or being made to feel inferior, period.

"I think I do. Is this about Blaine Anderson?"

Thad nodded. "Trent told us Warbler Blaine is in the hospital because of what you did, Sebastian. Harming another Warbler is one of our highest ranking offenses and reasons for dismissal. What do you have to say for yourself?'

Sebastian squared his shoulders. "Well, first of all, that Blaine is no longer a Warbler-" he started, but one of the other Council members interrupted him.

"Once a Warbler, always a Warbler, Sebastian."

"Secondly, that slushy was meant for Kurt."

"That doesn't make it better-"

"No, hear me out," Sebastian insisted. "You heard what they said about us. I invited them here to make up for the bad start we had with the Michael Jackson thing. We all gave our best and all they did was insult us! Something needed to be done."

"Yes, we agreed to that, which is why we ok-ed the sing-off challenge at the parking lot."

"Yes, but you don't know McKinley. Slushies, they're like, a symbol. Like a victory wreath, but for the losers. I heard the football team uses them all the time. All I wanted was to give them something they'd understand, communicate with them in their own language, if you will. It was all just fun and games. It was supposed to be a tease, nothing else. Several other Warblers all knew about it, Trent included."

"But you almost blinded Blaine!"

Sebastian frowned. "That's because he was stepping in front of Kurt and he's like, 2 heads shorter than him! I was aiming for Kurt's shirt. It was harmless! I couldn't have known Blaine would pull such a dumb chivalrous move!"

Thad spoke up. "If you really knew Blaine as well as you say you do, you should have anticipated that," he said with a fond smile on his lips. Clearly even the memory of his beloved Warbler Blaine was making him happy.

"And what about the rock salt?" one of the others asked.

Sebastian sighed and shrugged uncomfortably. "I guess that was unfair. I just...I had read somewhere that it stains a lot when combined with food coloring and I...wanted to discourage Kurt a little. He... we don't exactly see eye to eye. I knew how much he cares about his outfits and..." he trailed off. It had been a stupid idea, even for him. But if the slushy hadn't hit Blaine in the face, no one would have ever found out. "I acted alone with that."

"So you purposefully tampered with the slushy, making your fellow Warblers believe it was only ice water, in order to damage Kurt's clothes?" Thad rephrased.

Sebastian nodded. His mind was working at top speed. If he wanted to keep his place in the Warblers, he had to come up with something to excuse this. They wouldn't just accept him trying to hurt Kurt out of spite. It was "unbefitting a Warbler". It didn't help that Kurt was still very popular at Dalton. He schooled his face into a sorrowful one.

"Members of the Council, may I be absolutely frank with you?" he said demurely and waited for Thad to nod. He took a deep breath and slowly started to speak.

"The real reason I wanted to throw that slushy at Kurt was...well, to get his attention. I had the whole thing figured out. He'd get mad, I'd offer to pay for the dry-cleaning, maybe even get him to join me for a coffee so I could make up to him and then... he'd somehow see that I wasn't all bad, and-" He broke off and shrugged uncomfortably. "I guess the only way I ever got people to pay attention to me was by acting out. My father never really cared about dance recitals or theater plays but he'd show up at school if I got into a fight. My therapist used to say it's a self-reinforcing negative pattern and I should learn to accept that the way out of situations of insecurity is not through anger."

Sebastian looked at the boys from under his eyelashes. If this worked, maybe those sessions with his therapist hadn't all been for nothing. Warbler Thad was looking a bit like a fish on land.

"I thought you were interested in Blaine," he said.

"I thought so so," Sebastian replied. "But I guess now I realize that...I was more interested in _being_ Blaine."

Thad frowned. "Be that as it may, what you did was still wrong, Sebastian. You might not know this, but both Blaine and Kurt came to Dalton out of situations of severe emotional and, in Blaine's case, physical abuse. They were both badly bullied at school. Blaine was the victim of a gay bashing and Kurt received a death threat at his old school." He paused. "The worst way of 'getting Kurt's attention', as you say, is through insults and assaulting Blaine. Apart from that, Dalton Academy had a zero tolerance policy for bullying, Sebastian, no matter what your intentions were."

Sebastian was a little taken aback by this information, but recovered quickly. "I know that. I'm really sorry. I will do the best I can to make up for it. I'll visit Blaine in the hospital, and I'll tell Kurt-"

"I think it's best if you just stayed away from them for now, Warbler Sebastian. I doubt they'll want to see you right now. We'll send a get-well card from all of the Warblers that you may co-sign if you want."

Sebastian looked up. "I'm still in the Warblers, then?"

Thad paused and looked at the other two, waiting for their approval. "For now," he said after seeing their nods. "I hope you will use your second chance wisely."

"I will," Sebastian promised, trying not to look too pleased.

*

**[A few months later - Set during "On My Way"]**

_Sebastian was running his hands through a young man’s hair, watching the sunlight play off his highlights. He was laughing, his blue eyes bright. He was perfect to the very detail, his lush eyelashes dark brown and curled, small dimples in his flushed cheeks, a few faded freckles on his tanned skin, the cupid bow of his lips sculpted like a work of art. They were lying on the grass, dizzy with sun, love and green apple cider, their fingers intertwined, right next to a sign that said ‘do not tread’, and were mocking the tourists around them taking pictures of the famous landmark which triangular shadow loomed over them.  
_

Sebastian smiled in his sleep, turning around to wrap his arms around his pillow, breathing deeply and regular.

_He moved over to kiss the boy when suddenly, his expression changed into a mask of horror- it grew darker around them too, like sudden rain clouds had shifted in front of the sun, and shadows were falling even in his lover's face as it grew bloated and blue, his tongue swelling and his eyes bulging. "I can't take it any more," the boy said shakily. Sebastian didn't understand and tried to pacify him. "Please...stop hurting me," his lover pleaded, tears streaming down his face. "Please..."_

Sebastian woke up with a gasp, blinking wildly at the dark night. What the hell? He looked around and, like so many nights before, realized he was not in Paris any more. Summer was over and he was in Ohio. He shook his head, trying to banish the images he had seen. Fuck. That had been terrifying on more than one level. For one, why had the boy's face morphed into a mask of death, like someone who had hung himself? And maybe even more frightening, why hadn't it been his former Parisian lover, whose real memory kisses he had stored in the back of his mind? In his dream, he had been kissing Kurt.

*

He sat up in his bed. Thad was still sleeping. It had been a long day. They had all heard the news about Thurston School and the boy who had tried to commit suicide. The Dalton Academy headmaster had called for a gathering in the auditorium and held a long speech about peer pressure and bullying and stressed the availability of the school's counseling services. Sebastian hadn't really been interested until he had seen the picture of the boy in question projected on the whiteboard. The name David Karofsky hadn't meant anything to him, but he knew that face. Realization had hit him like a sledge hammer. He was partly responsible for this. He had told the boy to take a hike and stay in the closet, commenting on his looks and piling insult upon insult. Much in the same way... as he had treated Kurt ever since _I Want You Back._ Maybe even before. And the whole blackmail scheme he had running, wasn't that bullying too? Just how emotionally stable was Kurt's step-brother? Would something like this cause him to harm himself?

Sebastian felt sick. For the first time in his life, he actually felt genuinely guilty about the things he had done. He couldn't get image of Kurt's distorted face out of his mind (nor the taste of sour apple wine from his lips). Another heavy feeling was augmenting the already leaden filling in the cold pit of his stomach. Just how much of his bluff to stay in the Warblers had been fabricated? Was his dream telling him that he had subconsciously been telling the truth when he told Thad he had wanted Kurt and not Blaine? He swallowed hard. No. That was just his mind. Dreams were weird like that. They were not supposed to make sense. Sebastian pushed that thought far away and concentrated on what he thought the real message was: calling off the blackmail scheme. In the morning, he'd contact the McKinley students and apologize.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Still in Lima, Kurt tries to be content with his job at the Lima Bean while he focuses on his future ahead.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Timeframe: season 4, "The New Rachel", flashbacks to the end of season 3

In the following months, life at McKinley went on much as it had before. Kurt liked to imagine Sebastian Smythe never existed, though it was made difficult every time he noticed Blaine's phone ringing or saw that Blaine's facebook pictures had 20+ comments consisting of back and forth banter between the two boys. He didn't understand why Blaine had forgiven Sebastian for what he had done. It seemed like one apology and a tribute of songs had made it all okay between them, like the slushy incident never happened; like Blaine hadn't suffer terrible pain had to have surgery with the risk of losing his eyesight!

Maybe, Kurt often mused, Blaine just didn't understand the implications of the slushy attack. At McKinley, slushies weren't just about getting the sticky sugar out of your hair and suffering through the feeling you've just been bitch-slapped by an iceberg; they were about humiliation. Kurt had had them all- from your random every day slushy to celebratory green apple slushies on St Patrick's Day to a rainbow of ice water from different cups on the day Lima tried to organize a Gay Pride parade. Once he had made the mistake of wearing white jeans to school and someone had spilled a cherry slushy down his lower back; he had been pelted with tampons and prison jokes the rest of that day. And those were just experiences he had had with the slushies that were _thrown_ at him. In his first year at the school, the jocks had made him drink over four large cups of the stuff in a row until he puked over his cashmere sweater; they had called it an 'inverted slushy'. There was really nothing more terrible than the feeling of blueberry ice water coming out of your nose.

But from the day Blaine transferred to McKinley up until now, he had never been slushied. Maybe it was the way he dressed, or the way he had instantly made friends with all the guys (okay, so Finn had needed some more convincing, but that wasn't because Blaine was gay or Kurt's boyfriend, but just because of the solos in Glee club), but whatever it was, he didn't seem to be a softdrink-magnet like the rest of the Glee club. Because of that, he seemed to take the slushy from Sebastian as a silly gag gone wrong, without any of the negative connotations the others had.

Though Blaine had initially put up a stern front when Sebastian apologized to him, before Christmas they were back to talking on the phone almost daily. (Kurt didn't need to check Blaine's phone logs for that- it was enough to see the look in his boyfriend's eyes when his phone went off with _Uptown Girl_ in the Westlife version. He always seemed partly delighted, partly bashful, and shot Kurt guilty looks when he hushed out of the room to take the call or pressed it out and quickly sent a text). If Kurt was in a foul mood, he imagined Blaine typing something like ' _bad time for phone sex, my boyfriend's here_ '. It hurt, because he didn't _want_ to distrust Blaine. If Blaine said he wasn't having an affair - and he had told Kurt he wasn't interested in Sebastian that way several times - Kurt knew his word had to be enough. Deep inside, Kurt often felt bad for carrying a grudge against the Warbler. It wasn't a gentleman-like thing to do. He ought to be above it all, just like his dad told him on so many occasions when he had gotten upset about the bullies at school. To Kurt, Sebastian was no different. He berated himself for not being more like Ghandi or mother Theresa. On the other hand, _they_ probably never had to deal with a guy trying to steal their boyfriend from under their nose! It was all Sebastian's fault. _He_ was the one making Kurt think unflattering things about his own boyfriend. So, every time Kurt felt particularly vengeful, instead of complaining about it to Blaine, he directed his anger at Sebastian and resigned himself to the fact that he'd learn to find his inner zen some other time.

In retrospect, he could have known that keeping it all inside was bound to have consequences one day. As it turned out, Blaine had no idea how much his contact with Sebastian was hurting his boyfriend, and he didn't find out until the whole thing with Chandler blew up in their face. Although he hadn't actively planned it, Kurt had been making Blaine feel just as insecure about their relationship as he had himself. Sometimes karma was like that. Though it took him a while, Kurt was glad when Blaine finally came off his high horse and admitted that his calls with Sebastian amounted to the same thing as he had done with Chandler. Either both had been cheating, or neither of them had. For his own part, Kurt had to admit to himself that maybe Blaine hadn't asked for all of Sebastian's flirting either; but that he might have been flattered and charmed all the same, just as Kurt had been by Chandler. Kurt would have never hooked up with the strange boy from the music store for real- maybe the same was true for Blaine. After that, the frequency of their calls decreased and so did Kurt's hard feelings about it. Blaine had made it clear that he loved him, and that had to be enough to reassure him.

*

Kurt looked into the small mirror in the service area of the shop and sighed. As hard as he tried, he couldn't get Sebastian's voice out of his head every time he put on the Lima Bean apron. So much had happened over the past months- New Directions had won Nationals, he had graduated with the grades he wanted, there had been amazing parties and his dad had showered him and Finn in graduation gifts. But even after all that, he was exactly where Sebastian Smythe had told him he'd be at the end of the year; serving coffees at the Lima Bean. The Warbler hadn't been completely right- Kurt had managed to hold on to Blaine and he'd never combine _khakis_ with the blue denim apron, but the gist of it had been correct. Even though Kurt knew the boy had just tried to be nasty, Sebastian had predicted what would happen; Kurt would not get into his dream college and start a successful career in New York but he'd be waiting tables for the next generation of private school boys in Lima, Ohio.

Kurt sighed and fastened the strap on the back. At least the apron didn't make him look fat. As he adjusted the coffee-colored scarf around his neck and gave himself a last look, he mentally went through his self-imposed mantra: _I will re-apply to NYADA in December. That's only four months away, and until then I can spend more time with Blaine. I will focus on that. NYADA. Blaine._ He squared his shoulders and stepped through the swinging doors, putting on a brave face. There were always lots of McKinley students at the Lima Bean and he didn't want word to get back to Blaine or any of the remaining New Directions that he was having a hard time.

He saw his boss wave at him from the bar and could tell from the line that he needed backup at the second cash register. Kurt quickly finished up gathering the empty cups and plates from his section, brought them to the kitchen and took his place at the bar. He checked the clock. Two more hours until Blaine had a free period. He smiled at the thought of his boyfriend, who always used his spare time to come and visit Kurt. It was easily Kurt's favorite time of day. He wondered if Blaine would be wearing the satin bow-tie he had gotten for him on ebay. It matched his eyes perfectly and made him look even more handsome than usual...

"I'll have a tall dirty chai with a double espresso shot and a drop of Courvoisier- or whatever your colleague just had to make him smile like that," someone said at the register next to Kurt's, waking him from his thoughts. Kurt blinked and realized he had a customer of his own waiting for him. His boss had noticed, too, and signaled at him with raised eyebrows to get started. Kurt could feel his face flush. For weeks he had been the epitome of professionalism, never daydreaming on the job, always staying polite. This was clearly not his best day. He focused on the girl in front of him. Great. It was McKinley's new head Cheerio. Could his embarrassment be even greater?

"I said, don't make my ice coffee too cold this time," she repeated slowly, sighing as if the process of ordering coffee was too much of an ordeal to bear. "I don't want all the guys in here to get a free show of my nipples."

Kurt was about to say that he wouldn't look at her breasts if she paid him for it, his boss and his job be damned, when the guy next to her snorted. Kitty immediately turned her eyes on him. To avoid laughing along, Kurt busied himself writing down her name and order on a paper cup.

"What?" he heard her hiss.

"Just that... I don't think they serve liquid nitrogen here," the guy replied.

"But I didn't ask for-"

"And that's what it would take to get a physical reaction out of an Ice Queen like you," the guy continued as if she never interrupted. _Owch. Burn._ Despite himself, Kurt looked up to see who had just dared to insult McKinley's new It-girl like that. He blanched as he saw Sebastian Smythe standing there, smirking that cocky, lazy smile of his. Of course. Of all people. _Of course_ Sebastian had to show up here just to rub it in. Two of his least favorite persons at the Lima Bean at the same time. Wasn't that just perfect? Kurt watched Kitty bustle off without further comment (she was probably still wondering what liquid nitrogen was) and he schooled his face into a bland mask, bracing himself for whatever insult Sebastian had saved up just for him. Now that he was finished with Kitty, he'd surely shift his focus onto his next victim. Their eyes met for a second or two, and Kurt saw Sebastian's look briefly wander down to his apron and then back to his face.

"Just get it over with so the person behind you can order," Kurt finally said, not willing to wait for his abuse any longer. He had customers to serve.

Sebastian shrugged. "It's nice to see you, Kurt. Blaine told me about NYADA. I'm sorry that didn't work out." He put his money on the counter and walked over to the pick-up area, leaving Kurt standing there dumbstruck.

"Old flame, Hummel? Come on, get back to work. You can take a break in half an hour," his boss said, having followed the exchange. Blood quickly flowed back into Kurt's cheeks as he shook his head. "No, no... he's no one. I'm sorry." Yet, over the next half hour, he couldn't stop from looking over to the table Sebastian occupied. He had taken out a book and seemed to be reading, occasionally taking sips of his coffee, his phone out on the table. Kurt couldn't understand why the ex-Warbler hadn't taken a shot at him. Here he was, clearly a member of the working class and embodying everything the private school boy loved to mock - the Lima Bean logo on his apron might just as well have been a large bull's eye- and Sebastian didn't even take a small swing. It made Kurt suspicious. Was he saving up for a larger attack? Lulling Kurt into safety before completely crushing him? Or had Kurt now sunk so low on the scale of general importance that even Sebastian Smythe thought it beneath him to bother mocking him?

The words from Kurt's NYADA letter flashed in front of his eyes. He read them daily, not to punish himself, but to remind himself of his goals. _Dear Mr Hummel, we regret to inform you..._

What did Sebastian mean, he had heard about it from Blaine? Why had Blaine told him? Had they been making fun of him together? Kurt was so busy worrying about this as he served coffees on automatic pilot, that he didn't realize the first part of his shift was up and he could take his break now. Blaine wouldn't be there for yet another while, but it did give him the chance to check out what Sebastian was up to. Trying to be inconspicuous, Kurt took up a plastic tub and started collecting empty mugs and cups from the tables, getting closer and closer to where the other boy sat.

Gathering his courage, he stepped up to Sebastian's table. "So what's your angle?" he asked, keeping his voice down so he wouldn't disturb anyone around them.

Sebastian looked up from his book (Kurt could see it was by some french-sounding author he didn't know) and seemed surprised to see him.

"My angle?" he echoed. Kurt was sure he could detect a hint of amusement in his voice, and it annoyed him.

"Yes, what do you want? Why did you come here? And what's with the being _nice_?"

Sebastian smiled a little now, and to Kurt, it was that false smile he reserved only for him. It made him look treacherously charming. "In that order? Okay. I _want_ to read my book somewhere quiet with good coffee, I _came_ here to get that coffee, and I'm being _nice_ because that's the new me. No more games."

Kurt sniffed with disdain. "The new you. And this has nothing to do with wanting to find Blaine here, or, I don't know, taking pictures of me in my barista outfit to mock online?" He hoisted the tub with used cups higher on his hip and gave Sebastian a look that hopefully told him he saw through this game.

"No, it doesn't," Sebastian replied. "Blaine and I are just friends, Kurt. Yes, I admit, I was interested in him last year, but he was very clear about his relationship with you and I've never been one to moon over guys I can't have for long." He took up his phone and scrolled through the picture gallery to show Kurt that the last picture was taken two weeks ago. He held it out. "No more online blackmail either, Kurt. After what people did to Karofsky, I realized that stuff isn't funny any more."

Kurt only briefly glanced at his phone. "It was _never_ funny to the people you targeted, Sebastian."

"I know that," Sebastian admitted and Kurt saw he actually looked a little uncomfortable with that knowledge. "Look, like I said," he continued, "I'm sorry about the stuff I put you and your Glee Club through last year, and I am also genuinely sorry you didn't get into NYADA. Blaine told me you really aced your audition, and I know you're a good singer. New Directions won Nationals fair and square. It sucks that that wasn't enough for them." He paused, but Kurt didn't say anything. Sebastian shrugged. "You don't have to believe me, but I have really re-evaluated my life the last few months. Maybe that Warbler Honor Code finally got to me." He smirked as if the idea was as ludicrous as it sounded to Kurt.

Kurt bit his lip. Sebastian actually sounded remorseful - but it was still Sebastian Smythe. Kurt didn't trust him. "What did Blaine say about my audition?" he asked, bracing himself.

Sebastian cocked his head and smiled. "He said that you sang _Not The Boy Next Door_ better than Hugh Jackman himself and that you wore gold lam é pants that made him want to climb up on that piano and beg you to fuck him through all of Beethoven's symphonies. I _may_ be paraphrasing here. I think he babbled something about a piano scene in Pretty Woman."

Kurt could feel the heat creeping up in his cheeks, both by Sebastian's mental image and the scene Blaine must have meant. It was true that Blaine had been very enthusiastic about his audition and that they had a little...celebration afterwards, but he couldn't believe his boyfriend would have told Sebastian that! He said so as well.

Sebastian smiled again. "Why not? He was really proud of you, Kurt. And I don't mind him telling me that he thinks you're hot. He's your boyfriend, right? It would be bad if he didn't think so. And it's not like he's got a league of male friends he can talk to about stuff like that."

Kurt slumped a little. Sebastian had a point. He was used to talking to the girls from Glee club about guys he liked, but he was pretty sure Blaine would feel very uncomfortable talking to girls like that. Even though he wasn't attracted to the opposite sex, he was still a Dalton boy, raised to be respectful and gentlemanly at all times.

"Just don't get any ideas about it," he said, a little harsher than he wanted. "You can play his trusty gay confidant as much as you want, but Blaine's mine."

"Understood," Sebastian replied, holding up his coffee as a toast before taking a sip.

Kurt nodded sharply. "I'll let you get back to your reading then."

"Thanks," Sebastian said. "Oh, and Kurt?" He nodded towards the table Kitty and her Cheerios were sitting. "That girl just unscrewed the sugar shaker. The next person to tilt it will have the entire contents in their coffee."

Kurt sighed. "Very mature," he mumbled. "Thanks. I'll make sure to fix it after she leaves."

"No problem."

Kurt carried his used cups back to the kitchen and went over the entire conversation again in his head. The part about Blaine's piano fantasy had been a little embarrassing, but he had to admit that Sebastian had actually been polite throughout the entire talk. Or as polite as he could be, anyway. Could he have really meant it? Had Karofksy's suicide attempt really made him reconsider everything? Maybe when Blaine came over later, he should tell him about it and ask what he thought. He smiled. The day had gone pretty well so far. Kitty's childish plan had been thwarted, Sebastian had confirmed that Blaine found him attractive and wasn't afraid to tell others that (Kurt wished he'd tell _him_ a little more often, though) and soon he'd get to hear all about the latest Glee Club meeting. Though he wasn't part of it anymore, he still loved hearing about it and discussing song ideas for their weekly assignments. And then, he wanted Blaine to tell him what other scenes from Pretty Woman he liked...

*

Several hours later, Sebastian lay on his bed, staring at the ceiling and going through his conversation with Kurt in his head. He was still pretty much convinced that the other boy hated him. If he was honest to himself, he didn't even blame Kurt. But maybe, if he just showed him that was really trying... Making up to Blaine had been a lot easier. And as soon as he had made peace with him, the other Warblers had accepted him back into the fold as well. He had even written a letter to Karofsky to apologize. After that, the only one who was left in Lima to mend things with was Kurt. It wasn't easy to be confronted with Kurt's expectations of him. It showed him with mirror-like clarity what he done in the past.

He sighed. College would start soon and if he wanted to tie up all loose ends here he'd have to get a move on. Maybe in a few days, he could drop by the Lima Bean again and see if he might get a little step closer to Kurt forgiving him. In the long run, it might not matter- but now that Sebastian had started listening to his conscience, he couldn't tune it out anymore that he had amends to make.

Unfortunately for him, a few days later, Kurt no longer worked at the Lima Bean.


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kurt meets up with a familiar face in New York.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Timeframe: season 4, set between"Make-Over" and "The Break-Up"

Kurt looked down on his phone and tried to locate himself on the map. He had been living and working in New York for a while now, but the city was so big he had only scaled zero point something percent of it. Working for Isabelle Wright meant he occasionally had to go out and pick up things or meet people in areas he had never been before, and when he did, he was always reminded of his humble Lima, Ohio background. Thank god for GPS and Google maps. Today he had been on an errand picking up old copies of fashion magazines at a library archive down town. Isabelle wanted them to make sure they weren't accused of stealing ideas from last year's competitor's issues and the digital copies they had on file were incomplete. Kurt smiled. Before his job interview and his internship, he had re-read  _ The Devil Wears Prada _ to prepare himself for Vogue.com. He had half-expected an employer like Miranda Priestly, making him work 14-hour shifts, calling him by the wrong name on purpose and making him run foolish errand picking up her personal dry-cleaning or walking her dogs. Isabelle was nothing like that. She was polite and professional and gave him a lot of room to develop himself and learn from her. She didn't seem to like navigating her way through New York much and always apologized profusely whenever she sent Kurt out, telling him to take a cab to make sure he got back alright, no matter the costs. Kurt usually didn't, because he liked the subway and being on foot in the bustle of the city, but it was nice of her to offer. Of course, that did mean he sometimes got a little lost.

He looked up from his phone and looked around in the street. A familiar green sign greeted him, and he decided he could hit two birds with one stone; at Starbucks, he could ask for the way and get him and Isabelle coffees and blueberry muffins. Starbucks joe might not be as good as the coffees from the Lima Bean, but their pastries were definitely superior.

Kurt texted his employer that he was on his way back and stepped inside. The line was long, and he used the time to study the map some more. When he was finally at the counter, he had already found his way again and would be ready to go as soon as he got his order. He might not be the best navigator in the world, but he wasn't hopeless either.

"Shoot."

"Kay, I'll have two tall non-fat soy frapuccinos and two blueberry muffins. Please." Kurt added the last on an afterthought, still scrolling through menus on his phone. The last time he had called his dad, he had been accused of adopting 'New Yorker manners', a subtle hint of Burt trying to tell him to stay polite. It was just that people were sparse in their communication here. Efficient, not necessarily rude. Still, Kurt had taken it to heart and tried to remember his manners.

"Seven twenty-five, and I'll need your name for the order," his cashier said without looking up, sounding bored.

Back in Lima, Kurt liked to pick fabulous names for his cup to amuse Blaine when they announced 'Mr Fantastic's latte' was ready, but today, with half of his mind still on the maps, he decided to stick to his regular one. "Kurt."

The boy at the counter started. "Kurt Hummel," he finished. Kurt blinked and looked up from his phone. He looked into a pair of brown eyes he had definitely seen before.

It was so unexpected that for a moment, Kurt had a hard time finding a name to go with those eyes. This wasn't the right place, this was New York, in the middle of his new life, his new job. He didn't  _ know _ anyone in New York expect Rachel and the people at work. "Sebastian?" he finally said, just as the line behind him started making their impatience clear. Sebastian shot him a cocky smile and snapped the name tag on his chest, making it bounce on his polo shirt. 

"Employee of the month. Some day," he said drily. "It's still seven twenty-five though, no discounts for country hicks." He winked at Kurt.

"I'm not-- Why... what are you doing here?" Kurt exclaimed, ignoring the people behind him. Maybe he had New York manners after all.

"Working. You?" Sebastian replied. Kurt fished change for the coffees about of his pocket and put in on the counter.

"Same. Uh, picking up stuff for work. You look..." he trailed off. He had been about to offer Sebastian the compliments you gave when you met old friends; only to realize Sebastian didn't look good at all, and they weren't friends.

"Thanks. You too, I guess. Look, your coffee will be ready soon and I don't really have time for catching up." Sebastian's previous smile had faded as soon as it had appeared.

"I'm sorry, it's just-" Now that Kurt was watching more closely, he could see Sebastian looked tired and haggard. "When do you get off?" He wasn't even sure why he asked; did they really have something to talk about? But the mystery of Sebastian's presence in New York, working at Starbucks, was too big to be ignored. He couldn't wait to tell Blaine.

"Whenever I can," Sebastian deadpanned, raising his eyebrow at Kurt with a familiar leer. Then, he dropped it like it was too much effort and shrugged. "At seven. But I have a night-job too, so... I can't really linger."

"Well, you have to eat," Kurt suggested, trying not to question his own motives for the moment- and to ignore Sebastian's dirty pun.

"I usually get to take the left-over bagels. Kurt, I'm not sure-"

"I'll be here at seven. If you run out of bagels today I'll buy you some fresh ones across the street."

"Two frappuccinos for Kurt!" one of Sebastian's colleagues announced from the other counter. Kurt looked at Sebastian, who nodded reluctantly. Kurt smiled. Somehow, seeing Sebastian here made him feel good. He already looked forward to talking to him. He hadn't seen him since that day in the Lima Bean where Sebastian had taken his side against Kitty, and since then, time and new experiences had done a lot to fade out resentment. Besides, Kurt had his life on track, a great internship, fabulous new outfits, and him and Blaine were still going strong; for the first time since he met Sebastian, he didn't feel like he was inferior.

*

"Hot date?" Chase asked, smiling over at Kurt who had been checking out his hair with the front camera of his iphone. Kurt quickly lowered his phone and blushed.

"No, no, nothing like that. I just ran into someone I used to know from...school. I'm meeting up with him later, you know, to ask how he's been."

"You mean to tell him how well  _ you _ 've been and how handsome your co-workers are?" Chase said, waggling his eyebrows. "Reunions are always good for a little ego-stroke, if nothing else." He ran his fingers suggestively down the side of his leather folder.

"Um, I'm not going to be  _ stroking  _ anything," Kurt objected, "Thanks, Chase. Now I have to deal with  _ that _ mental image."

Chase chuckled. "Have fun, Kurt."

Kurt sighed. "Thanks." If he was honest, he wasn't even sure if his colleague wasn't right. Was he really just meeting Sebastian to rub it in how well things were going for him? I _ t's not like he wouldn't do the same _ , he thought vengefully, focusing on the Sebastian who had tried to chase Blaine all of last year and not the humbled boy who came to drink coffee and read at the Lima Bean after graduation. Most likely, Sebastian would explain the circles beneath his eyes with extravagant tales of sex, drugs and clubbing and would have Kurt feeling like a nobody again in no time.

*

At five past seven, Sebastian Smythe stepped out of the coffee shop and looked around. He didn't really expect Kurt to be there, but it was hard to miss his bright red chinos even from across the street. He nodded to show he had seen him and started crossing. He wasn't sure what to make of this meeting. He had known Kurt was in New York, of course- he hadn't talked to Blaine much lately but whenever he did, the other boy was always whining about how much he missed his boyfriend now that they were so far apart. But what were the odds of him actually showing up at Starbucks during his shift? He tightened his hold on his bag of stale bagels and prepared himself for the high-pitched version of 'having a long-distance relationship is so hard'.

"Kurt," he said in greeting as he joined him on the other side of the street.

"Sebastian. Wow, I really didn't expect to see you here in New York. How've you been?"

Sebastian shrugged and nodded at one of the benches. "Do you mind if I eat?" He went to sit down. "I only got two."

"No, not at all. Rachel will be cooking later, so I'm fine, go ahead," Kurt quickly offered, checking the bench for pigeon droppings before sitting down next to the ex-Warbler.

"Rachel, huh?" Sebastian asked, taking a bagel out of the bag and starting to pick the lettuce and tomatoes out from between the cream cheese. He balled the vegetables up in a napkin and threw them in the trash. "You two live together?" He watched Kurt nod. "Just you or the whole Brady Bunch?" He bit into his pastry. It was tough but at least he hadn't gotten stuck with the soy again.

Kurt smiled. "Just the two of us for now. Finn's joined the army and Blaine's still in school, which you know, of course. Rachel's attending NYADA and I'm waiting to re-apply in December."

"The army? Hmmmpf," Sebastian said around a mouthful of bagel. He chewed and swallowed. He remembered the large McKinley football player. He didn't seem like the type for the army, but then, he hardly knew the guy. He was certainly bulky enough. He looked at Kurt. The boy was radiant, looking very refined and sleek in his outfit and his matching bag, and it looked like he was practically hopping in his seat to talk more about himself. Sebastian decided to encourage him. The more Kurt talk, the more he could eat. "So," he started, turning the bagel in his hand, "you said you were working today? What do you do?" He quickly took another large bite. Kurt's smile grew just a little bigger as he got the chance to tell Sebastian about his job.

"I'm on an internship with Vogue.com," he stated proudly. "I work with Isabelle Wright. She's this amazing designer and we hit it off really well. I'm something like her personal assistant now."

"Fetching her coffee," Sebastian said, his voice slightly muffled. Kurt wrinkled his nose in a way that made him look like a Disney forest animal.  _ Which is not cute _ , Sebastian admonished himself.

"No, that was just...I was on my way from the archives and I thought I'd get a coffee myself. She brings me coffees all the time too. I'm not like- I have a lot of responsibilities," Kurt said quickly. "And you have cream cheese dripping on your jeans." His voice was a little sharp around the edges.

Sebastian shrugged. He was going to change clothes for his night job anyway. He also didn't really mean anything demeaning by his assumption that getting coffee was part of Kurt's job.

"I make coffee for people all day, Kurt, it's not like that's a bad thing."

"I know," Kurt said quickly. "I worked at the Lima Bean too, remember?" He paused. "So what about you? Why New York? Why Starbucks?"

Sebastian finished his first bagel and took out the second, picking at the garnish to stall for time. "I always dreamed of working in retail," he said sarcastically, "and what better place to do that than the one city famous for its bad service?" Kurt didn't say anything. Sebastian remembered their talk at the Lima Bean and his good resolutions to make up with Kurt and sighed. Honesty it was. "I was accepted to NYU," he started again.

"New York University? That's great!" Kurt said, a little too chipper. Sebastian nodded. "Yeah. Only it came with some strings attached." He bit down in his second bagel and smirked with distaste. Soy after all, disguising as chicken. He knew Kurt would need more explanation so he continued. "Last year, when I was looking around for colleges, my dad said he'd pay for my education if I promised him I'd change my life around."

Kurt nodded. "Well, you did, right? At Dalton. You got better grades and you graduated."

"He meant I should stop being gay."

"Oh."

Sebastian could see Kurt slump a little in his seat. He was probably destroying the other boy's faith in mankind. Well, not everyone could have congressman Hummel as their dad. He pushed on, wanting to story over with so he could hear Kurt's judgment and go home. "So, I figured, if I could just keep my clubbing to a minimum and didn't fuck anyone famous, I'd be okay. He wouldn't need to know."

" _ Sebastian _ ." Kurt sounded reproachful. Judgment was clearly already starting. Sebastian shrugged again, causing sauce to join the cream cheese on his jeans.

"Obviously that didn't work out, and he revoked all funding. And since I had zero savings of my own, I had to apply for a deferral at NYU until I can get the money together."

"Can't you get a loan?" Kurt asked. Sebastian shook his head.

"Parents make too much money," he replied in between bites.

"But if they're not helping you..." Kurt started, and Sebastian cut him off. "Doesn't matter, Kurt. It's just paperwork. I tried but they were basically like, 'hey, sucks for you, not our problem'. Rules are rules."

"That's really tough," Kurt said quietly. "I'm sorry."

"S'okay," Sebastian brushed it off. "Between my jobs and saving money for food," he held up his bagel, "I'll be in by January. And it'll show my dad once and for all that I don't need him."

"So what's your other job?" Kurt asked, and Sebastian could hear he was deliberately trying to sound cheerful again. Sebastian finished his second bagel and wiped his hands on his jeans.

"I wait tables at  _ InFlagrante _ ," he said. "It's a gay bar down town."

"Aren't you too young for that?" Kurt asked, sounding like the Ohio boy he was.

"Has that ever stopped me from anything?" Sebastian replied. He crumpled the paper bag between his hands, balled it, and threw it in the trash. "If you still got your fake ID, you should come some time. It's a lot better than Scandals, trust me."

"Maybe," Kurt said non-commitally.

Sebastian smiled. "Don't worry about Blaine. I'll tell him I'll watch out for you. Keep the guys from flirting." He winked. With food in his stomach and the story over with, he started to feel a little of his usual confidence return. "He misses you a lot, you know. It's getting a little tiring to be honest. Every time I talk to him he's like,  _ Kurt was the best thing in my life and now he's in New York and I only get to see him like, every second week _ -"

"We don't. You know. See each other that often," Kurt interrupted him. "But we Skype every night and I try to call him between periods at school...he'd coming to visit soon."

"Great! We should hang out." Sebastian's enthusiasm was about as real as Kurt's responding smile. "You know, when you two are done... _ catching up _ , I mean," he added, just to see Kurt blush. "I should go. I have to change and try to catch an hour of sleep before work."

"Right. Sure." Kurt seemed to be hesitating. Sebastian had the sinking feeling in his stomach he was about to say something noble. "If there's anything I can do..." the boy started. Sebastian shook his head.

"I know, Gay solidarity and all that, right? It's okay, Kurt. Don't worry about me." Not giving Kurt the time to protest, he got up and started walking away before he was tempted to take Kurt up on his offer. He was the one supposed to make amends to Kurt, not the other way around. The boy was really too noble for his own good.

*  
  


Kurt was still sitting on the bench across the street from Starbucks when Rachel called.

"Where are you, Kurt? I'm trying to make risotto and it won't stick and I'm completely helpless. Please. It's a nightmare. I need you."

Kurt sighed and got up. Rachel, dramatic as ever. "I'm coming home now. I'll be there in ten minutes."

On the way there, he thought about what Sebastian had told him. He also considered what the boy hadn't told him; if he was working at the bar with a false ID, the owners obviously didn't care too much about rules. He doubted that they kept to the maximum work-load for a second job...or if Sebastian had even told them it was his second job. From the way he looked, Kurt guessed he was putting in full-time, maybe even more. And if all he was eating were left-over bagels...

Kurt didn't like it. Sebastian's 'don't worry about it' sounded a lot like the long row of 'don't worry about it's' he used to give his dad about things people said to him in school, or 'accidents' that happened to his clothing. He had been tempted to push it, but it didn't look like Sebastian wanted to talk about it.

_ It's not my problem _ , he told himself firmly. And Sebastian clearly didn't want his help anyway. Suddenly, though, he wasn't sure if he wanted to tell Blaine about meeting him. He knew his dapper boyfriend would insist that he and Rachel take the guy in, feed him, and maybe even try to get him a job at Vogue.com. And as much as Kurt loved Blaine, he was  _ not  _ doing him favours like that. Not for Sebastian Smythe.

*

Twenty minutes later, dinner was saved, and Kurt and Rachel were picnicking on the floor of their spartan apartment. Rachel was filling Kurt in on her day at NYADA and Kurt got so swept up in her stories that he almost forgot to connect Skype. He listened to Blaine with half an ear as Rachel showed him the choreography she had been working on in dance class. Between Rachel's NYADA stories, his own day at Vogue.com and Blaine's McKinley update, he didn't think about Sebastian any more the rest of the night.


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Despite himself, Kurt goes to see Sebastian again and they end up having dinner.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Timeframe: season 4, set between"Make-Over" and "The Break-Up"

A couple of days later, as Kurt went to return the magazines to the archive on his way home after work, he passed by Starbucks again. He glanced at the clock on his phone. It was almost seven. He walked in just in time to see Sebastian standing on the customer side of the counter, picking at a bagel and tossing away the tomatoes before putting it into a paper bag.

"That's the healthiest part of those, you know," he remarked. "Tomatoes are good for you."

Sebastian turned and took him in. Kurt half-expected him to tell him to mind his own business, or maybe throw in a comment or two about his outfit (he knew the shark tooth pants that had impressed Isabelle so much on his interview were not for everyone), but Sebastian actually smiled a little.

"That's what they say at the beginning of  _ Attack of the Killer Tomatoes _ . And then everyone dies," he said.

Kurt blinked. For a moment, Sebastian had reminded him so much of Sam Evans and his nerdy movie quotes, that he couldn't help but smile back. Sam was one of his favorite persons in the world. Then he remembered why he was there. It wasn't really a social call. As a pacifier to his conscience for not telling Blaine about meeting Sebastian or the state he found him in, he had decided to help the other boy. Provided he could keep his comments and hands to himself, of course.

"I looked up that place you go to in the evenings," he said, lowering his voice a little in case Sebastian's Starbucks co-workers didn't know he had a second job, "and it's actually not far from my place. Rachel has evening class tonight and I'm making paella for myself. If you want, you could-"

"I'm allergic to shellfish," Sebastian cut him off.

Kurt breathed in sharply. "I could make something else..."

"I need my work-clothes."

"We could go pick them up...?"

Sebastian frowned and gave Kurt a defeated look. "What do you want, Kurt? Are you trying to get into my pants?"

"What? No! I'm just trying to be nice. You can't just live on stuff other people don't want to buy."

"Why not? It's more than the homeless guy on the corner gets. You don't need to feed me. I can take care of myself."

"Can you?"

"Yeah."

"Well, you don't look it." Kurt didn't mean to say it, but it was out now. "You look tired and underfed."

"Says who, Florence Nightingale?" Sebastian bit back, gripping the bag with the bagel in his fist. "Look, why don't you just take your designer bag back to your designer apartment to make your fancy exotic dinner paid for with your daddy's credit card and leave me-"

"Fuck you."

Sebastian looked at Kurt with wide eyes as if he had just heard Mary Poppins fart. "What?" he said dumbly.

"I said: fuck you, Sebastian," Kurt repeated. "Here I was thinking that maybe you'd actually changed, and maybe Blaine wasn't so wrong to keep you on his friends' list; that maybe, underneath all of that posturing and smart attitude, there was something human - but now I see that it's just another act to throw me. Well...well-done, Smythe. I fell for it. I actually felt sorry for you for a few days. You can go and laugh at me now."

He wasn't sure he had ever seen Sebastian lost for words, but as Kurt was finished with his tirade and stood there watching for the boy's reaction, it seemed like he had actually managed to shut Sebastian up. Silence hung between them like a pane of glass. At last, Sebastian spoke.

"I'm not actually allergic," he mumbled quietly. "To shellfish, I mean."

"Oh," Kurt breathed, lifting his chin stubbornly. "So?"

"So...if I could still come...maybe...that would be nice," Sebastian dragged out, looking down at the floor. Kurt considered it, and the pause seemed to make Sebastian edgy. "Or...not. It's okay. I'll be okay, I mean."

Kurt sighed and shook his head. "We're not making a habit of this," he said. "Because unlike what you think, I  _ do _ actually work for my own living and being an intern doesn't exactly pay the big bucks."

"I'm sorry about that," Sebastian offered. "I mean about what I said. I just assumed-"

"Yeah. People always assume a lot about me that isn't actually true," Kurt brushed him off. "I work hard and I don't splurge. I buy most of my designer things on ebay or in outlets, and yes, I have an emergency credit card my dad gave to me, but I don't want to use that unless it's an _ actual  _ emergency."

"Like when you run out of moisturizer," Sebastian offered cheekily, regaining a little of his self-esteem. Kurt's mouth fell open and he gasped indignantly, but then couldn't hold back a small smile. He knew Sebastian was just teasing now, and he had actually apologized, which was more than Kurt had expected.

"Something like that," he admitted. "So...we'll stop by your place first?"

'Okay," Sebastian agreed. Despite their little fall-out, Kurt was glad he had accepted. At least this way, if Blaine found out about their meeting, he could say he had been the better person, the good Samaritan. Practically Ghandi. Plus, he mused, he'd get to see Sebastian's apartment.

*

"Would you mind waiting here for me?" Sebastian asked, putting his key in the lock but not actually turning it just yet.

Kurt frowned. "What? You're not gonna let me in?" So much for seeing the other boy's place!

"Kurt, it's so small I'm not even sure we'd both fit in. And I haven't done laundry in weeks. The place is a mess. Please? I'll be right back."

Kurt scoffed a little. "Are you sure you want to use the door and not climb up the fire escape to avoid the landlord?"

Sebastian raised his eyebrows. "You watch too many movies."

"So do you if you get the reference," Kurt quipped, and then made a shooing motion with his hand. "Go on, I need to make a call anyway."

Sebastian shot him a grateful smile, turned the key and quickly vanished inside. Kurt took out his phone and hit speed dial.

"Kurt! Hey! I wasn't expecting you to call this early. Should I log on already?"

"Hey Blaine, no, actually, I'm calling to ask if we could reschedule our Skype session...? Like, maybe a few hours later, around ten?"

"Uh, sure. Is everything okay? Do you have to work late?"

Kurt smiled. Blaine was always so caring. "No, I'm fine. I'm having someone over for dinner. It's Rachel's evening class night and you know how much I hate cooking these fabulous dinners and then having to eat them by myself."

"Oh. Yes, of course. That's nice. Anyone I know?"

Kurt hesitated for a moment. Then he made up his mind. "No, just someone I met here. At work."

The line stayed silent for a moment. Then, Blaine spoke, and his voice sounded smaller than usual.

"Kurt?" he said softly, as if to ask if his boyfriend was still there. Kurt cringed a little. Had Sebastian told him? Did Blaine know he was lying? "I really wish I was there with you. Then I could share your dinners with you. I miss you so much."

"I miss you too," Kurt replied, closing his eyes and wishing he could reach out through the phone to hug Blaine. "But we'll Skype tonight, I promise. Just a little later than usual. And...I'll save desert. You can get something chocolatey too and we'll have it together."

"Okay," Blaine agreed, sounding a little less brittle. "I'll be there. I love you, Kurt."

"I love you too. Bye." Kurt hung up and looked down on the picture of Blaine on his phone.

"So did you get permission to feed me from the boyfriend?" Sebastian asked, pulling the door closed behind him. Kurt frowned and turned to look at him. He was about to say something when he took in Sebastian's clothes. He was wearing a pair of black skinny jeans and a washed out t-shirt that said 'I <3 Paris'.

" _ Those _ are your work clothes?" he asked instead. Sebastian looked down at his faded shirt and smiled. 

"The jeans, yeah. Upper body clothing is, uh, optional at I _ nFlagrante _ and I found I get more tips if the shirt stays behind the bar. I figured you might want me to wear one during dinner, though. Or don't you?" He waggled his eyebrows and playfully lifted the hem of the shirt.

Kurt groaned and rolled his eyes. "Please. I'm not getting on the subway with you half-naked. Come on." He started walking so Sebastian wouldn't actually be tempted to leave the shirt at home. "So why am I not surprised that you're working at the gay version of Hooters?" he asked conversationally as they made their way down the stairs to the subway.

"Because in your eyes, anyone who's not in a relationship of over 6 months is addicted to Grindr?" Sebastian said pleasantly, as if he was commenting on the lovely weather. "Did anyone ever tell you that you're pretty judgmental?"

"Did anyone ever tell you you're an  _ asshole _ ?" Kurt shot back.

"Never as dulcet and lovely as you make it sound," Sebastian replied smoothly.

*

"Wow, this place is huge," Sebastian commented, looking around the loft.

Kurt shrugged. "Our egos need a lot of space," he joked. Sebastian snorted.

"You gotta leave me some ammo, babe," he commented.

"I always found it easier to make those kind of remarks myself so others couldn't beat me to the punch," Kurt replied, walking up to their small kitchen area. "That way no one catches me off-guard with them." He took a bowl from under the sink. "And don't call me 'babe'."

Sebastian followed him with his eyes. "You're kind of a control-freak, aren't you?" he stated.

"No, I'm not. It's just a.. self-preservation thing. Most of the time it confuses people so much they forget the nasty stuff they were about to say."

"So...what if they weren't going to say anything nasty? What if they were just about to offer you a compliment?"

Kurt turned around to face Sebastian and wondered when this conversation had turned meta. "In that case, which is maybe one out of hundred, I missed out on a compliment," he replied. It didn't really matter. He didn't trust Sebastian's compliments anyway. The things he had done last year still weighed against him. Even if he did say something nice, Kurt still mentally braced himself for the punch. A lot would have to happen for that to change.

He held up a large red pepper. "Could you help me with this? I need to defrost the prawns and start on the rice."

"Uh, sure," Sebastian said, eying the pepper curiously. "Just, eh, what do you want me to do with it?"

Kurt resisted the urge to roll his eyes. Maybe it was faster if he did this by himself after all. "Wash it, and then take a knife and slice it up. Just...start along the length and then cut the strips until they're about prawn-size." He registered Sebastian's bland look. "Don't tell me you've never cut vegetables before."

Sebastian shrugged a little awkwardly. "Dalton had a cafeteria," he excused himself.

"Didn't you ever help your mom at home or something?" Kurt asked while rummaging in the small freezer unit they had shoved against the wall by the window.

"My mom isn't exactly the cooking type," Sebastian replied, and he took a knife from the block on the counter. "She's not much of a ...doing anything kind of type. They have people for that."

Kurt straightened and looked at Sebastian. "Your parents have a cook?" Before Sebastian could answer, Kurt shook his head. "I should have known. You Dalton kids..."

'What's that supposed to mean?" Sebastian asked. He shook the water off his pepper and put it down on the counter. " _ You _ went to Dalton, too."

Kurt eyed the way the other boy gripped the knife and felt a twinge of unease. "I know," he said. "But only for a few months. It was all my parents could afford. They gave up their honeymoon savings for tuition. It's just...I keep forgetting that there's like, a different world out there. When I'm at Blaine's house, half the time I am scared to touch something or sit down because I might break something that would take more than my dad's monthly salary to fix."  _ But at least Blaine knows how to cook _ , he added in his mind.

"So, what? Just because I've never cooked for myself that makes me a bad person?" Sebastian quartered the pepper with more force than was necessary, and Kurt wondered if he actually felt a little offended. For a split second, Kurt was tempted to list the flaws that made Sebastian into a bad person, but then he reminded himself of why he had invited the boy over. Maybe he deserved a second chance and some help out here in the city. And who knew, maybe he really had changed. The Sebastian he knew from last year wouldn't have cared squat about Kurt judging him for his cooking skills.

"I didn't say that, Sebastian," he offered, "I just... it took me by surprise, that's all. My mom and I cooked together often and I have good memories of that time. And later when it was just me and my dad, I tried to teach him so we could kind of...recreate those moment."

Sebastian looked slightly mollified. "So when did they get divorced?" He asked, turning to the sink and starting to cut the pepper the way Kurt had told him.

The question took Kurt by surprise. It had been a long time since he'd talked to someone who didn't know. He stalled by filling a large pan with water before answering.

"They didn't. My mom died when I was eight." He didn't look at Sebastian as he said it, but he heard the boy's sharp intake of breath. He put on the rice, not wanting to see the awkward look that was surely on the other boy's face. Most people didn't know how to deal with this information.

"Oh," Sebastian said after a while.

Despite himself, Kurt turned to him. " _ Oh? _ That's all you can say?"

Sebastian raised his eyebrows. "What do you want me to say?" he asked.

"Most people say something like... they're sorry," Kurt mumbled grudgingly.

"And does that help?"

Kurt looked into the other boy's eyes. There was no mockery there, and none of that trade-mark coldness he remembered. Instead, he just looked back at Kurt. "No," Kurt whispered, hating that his voice chose this moment to break.

"Then they're just saying it for themselves," Sebastian concluded, shrugging. "I don't need that. I didn't know her. Where do you want the pepper?"

Kurt blinked, the mundane question bringing him fully back into the present. "Uh, give it to me. You can cut and wash the leek now. That's advanced level, it has sand."

*

When it was time for Sebastian to go, Kurt almost felt a little sorry. The rest of their preparations had passed without any more awkward questions and by the time the food was ready, the two of them had relaxed around each other enough to casually talk about Dalton and their friends and even venture to the future of their respective Glee Clubs.

"McKinley should definitely prepare for a change in routines now that Jeff and Nick are on the Council," Sebastian concluded, grinning. "I know they're upper classmen now but from what I've heard, they're still famous for their pranks rather than their leadership skills. If anyone dares tell Wesley about their election, he'll probably take a hiatus from law school to get back in the saddle at Dalton."

Kurt snorted. He remembered the pompous Head of Council from his time at Dalton and clearly word of his rules and gavel slamming had reached Sebastian too, even though the strict boy had already graduated when Sebastian transferred. "Well, who knows," he said, smiling, "maybe that's just what the Warblers need to have a shot at Nationals this year."

Sebastian got up and stretched, his shirt riding up a little on his stomach as he did. Kurt saw and quickly averted his eyes.

"So," Sebastian said, "uh...thanks for the cooking lesson."

Kurt got up as well and brushed down his pants. "Yeah. Thanks for the company, I guess."

"I should go-"  
"I'll walk you to the door-" They said simultaneously and shared a surprised look. Then both moved at the same time, clearly feeling that action was easier than words. Kurt opened the door and folded his hands in front of him. If this was anyone else he had over for dinner (like, a friend) this would be the point where he'd hug them and tell them they should do that again soon. With Sebastian, he didn't know. Luckily, the boy looked every bit as awkward as he did, stuffing his hands in his back pockets and glancing out of the door and down the hallway without making a move to step outside.

'So...see you around?" Sebastian finally said. "Coffee's on me next time. For the food."

"Okay," Kurt replied. "I'll keep that in mind for the next time I need to pick up catering for a department meeting." He offered Sebastian a smile. "That was a joke," he added, just in case.

"Hilarious. Bye, Kurt."

"Bye, Sebastian." Kurt closed the door and released his lower lip from the tight hold his teeth had on it. He had bitten down to stop himself from adding something like 'be careful at the club' or 'be safe' as he sent Sebastian off. That would have just sounded ridiculous- and so gay. Sebastian would have surely mocked him with it, and he hadn't wanted to end their evening that way.

Their evening. The entire concept was just too strange. He had actually asked Sebastian Smythe over for dinner. Kurt looked around the room and at the clock. He had about one hour to clean up before Rachel got back, and a little more time until his Skype date with Blaine. More than enough time to erase the traces of this spontaneous dinner-for-two. He wasn't sure what Rachel would say if she found out, but he knew that whatever it was, all of their McKinley friends would know soon afterwards. Rachel was never very good at keeping secrets. It meant Blaine would hear about it and know he had lied on the phone. He wasn't ready for that. He'd tell Blaine about meeting Sebastian soon enough; he wasn't sure how often the two ex-Warblers still talked on facebook but he couldn't take the risk of Blaine hearing it from Sebastian (who knows what kind of tale he'd spin around it just to mess with their heads). But tonight, he wanted one more Skype talk with his boyfriend without having to discuss Sebastian Smythe.


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Just one dinner" turns into a few. This is a short chapter set in the final week before 'The Break Up'.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Timeframe: season 4, set between"Make-Over" and "The Break-Up"

Six days later, Kurt found himself heading towards Starbucks again. It wasn't the first time that week he had contemplated going there, but he had made himself wait a few more days for propriety's sake. Also, he had needed to clear his mind a little. The Sebastian he had met in New York was really quite different from the boy at Dalton, and Kurt was still not sure if this transformation was real or just some kind of creepy Jeckyl & Hyde thing. If the latter was the case, he figured he'd find out soon enough. No one could keep up such a charade for long.

Maybe making his own living and saving up for collage had given Sebastian a little kick-start in the humanity department; finally being confronted with the way a lot of people lived when their parents weren't swimming in money.  _ Serves him right _ , Kurt thought briefly, before berating himself. If this was the new Sebastian, he would have to be the new Kurt - and that meant stop blaming him for the past and stop enjoying his misfortune. It was hateful, and that was not the kind of person he wanted to be.

"Hey. I'm, uh, here for that coffee you promised me," Kurt said, stepping up to the counter when it was his turn. He smiled at Sebastian. "I'll have a caramel latte, please," he said, mindful of his manners this time. He had picked something in the middle price range of their menu. Espresso would have been cheaper, but ugh- way too much actual coffee in that.

"Right. Sure. Hey, Kurt," Sebastian greeted him, and fished in his pocket for change. He counted it out on his hand.

"You know, I could just pay for it," Kurt started to offer, but Sebastian shook his head. "I don't want word getting back to Dalton that I break my promises," he joked. "The Warblers might come and kick my ass." He put the money in the register and wrote Kurt's name and order on a paper cup.

"Thanks," Kurt said, and he moved up the line to the pick-up area. As he waited, he studied Sebastian interacting with the other customers. He was polite and charming and every now and then, smiled just a little brighter and pocketed something. Kurt realized people were actually tipping him. He wondered why he had never gotten tips at the Lima Bean. Probably because no one in that cow town had any money to spend, he thought, thankful for what must have been the 20 th time that day that he lived in New York now. People might be more rude around here and maybe no one knew their neighbors, but at least they remembered to round up the price on their coffees. Just as his coffee was ready, he saw a man slip Sebastian something more than the change for his coffee- was that a business card? Sebastian sent him a smile that was a little different from the ones before, and Kurt remembered it was the way he used to smile at Blaine. He was flirting with this guy!

Feeling slightly queasy, Kurt carried his coffee over to the sugar station, lingering there so he could watch the guy pick up his coffee. Instead of his name, Sebastian had written something else on the cup. Kurt could make it out without openly staring, but it looked like numbers. Had he given that man his phone number? He looked closer. From where he stood, he could tell the man was in his late 30s and doing pretty well for himself. Suddenly, he got a sinking feeling in his stomach that Sebastian might not be interested in this guy's company as much as his sponsoring. He sat down at a nearby table and waited a while for something to happen, but the man just had his coffee, read something on his i-pad, and then left. By that time, Kurt's coffee had almost gone cold.

"If you don't drink that I might think it was just an excuse to come and see me," Sebastian suddenly said from behind him, holding a tray of empty cups. Kurt nearly jumped up in his seat. Sebastian chuckled. "Relax, Kurt, that was just a joke." He put the tray down and looked at the other boy. "Refill for your thoughts?" he offered.

Kurt blinked and looked up at him. Then he remembered the i-pad guy. 'I...was just wondering...if you were actually interested in that guy who just left with your phone number," he admitted, not able to come up with a convincing lie on the spot.

Sebastian grinned. "Are you jealous, Mr Hummel?" he asked teasingly.

Kurt quickly shook his head. "Of course not. Trust me. No, no, no. I have Blaine, and anyway, you're not my type."

"Then why are you blushing?"

"I am not!" Kurt snapped, covering his cheeks with his hands in reflex.

"You are now," Sebastian replied, winked at him, and took up his tray. "Another caramel latte, then?"

Kurt, now actually feeling the heat in his face, lowered his hands and nodded quickly. He could still feel his cheeks burn long after his second latte went cold.

*

In the weeks that followed, they had two more dinners and several more shared coffees and smalltalk. Although Kurt would never admit it, having someone in New York to talk to apart from Rachel did him good. Though he still talked to Blaine via Skype almost every night, it was different to actually have someone right there in front of you. And with Sebastian, he knew he'd always get a fresh opinion; him and Blaine thought so alike most of the time that talking to him was a little like talking to himself. Sebastian surprised him and, more often than not, shocked him. He was different from anyone else Kurt knew.

For Sebastian, the situation was at least as unusual. He had never spent this much time with the same person- without having sex with them. And he wasn't even really thinking about that either. Instead, Kurt was teaching him how to cook (even though he still only let him wash and slice vegetables, saying that coming near a stove was too much of a risk for now). Kurt also asked him how his days had been, what he had done at the club, what he was doing on the weekend. Normally, Sebastian would feel tempted to brag and make up stories, but after trying that a few times, he knew Kurt would just see through that and tell him to cut the crap. The strange thing was, if he was honest and just confessed that he wanted to sleep in on Sunday and then hang out in front of the tv, he was much more likely to get an enthusiastic 'that sounds great!' than when he said he was going to pull a 48-hour dance-and-shag fest at a club. Kurt was not like the other people he had met so far.


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kurt and Blaine break up, and after a few days of wallowing in misery, Kurt decides to go out to make himself feel better.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Timeframe: season 4, "The Break-Up"

Kurt looked at himself in the mirror. He knew he looked good. Even if he wouldn't be singing at Callbacks (no way, he wasn't a NYADA student...yet) he wanted to look his best. This was New York after all, and not just some shitty town in Ohio. You never knew who you might meet on the street. For a moment, Kurt's mind flashed to Sebastian. Would he like Callbacks? It had a bit of an elite, sorority kind of feel to it, but he was a silver-spoon Dalton boy, and he did like singing. Kurt glanced at Finn and Rachel. They'd probably be all over each other all night, and he'd be on his own, missing Blaine more than ever. Wouldn't it be nice if he got to hang out with a friend too while Finchel did their couply thing? Kurt sighed. Sebastian had to work tonight, so calling him would be pointless. Besides, it meant coming clean to Rachel and dealing with Finn's quick and biased judgment; he was pretty sure his befriending their past school choir arch-nemesis wouldn't go over well with his stepbrother. 

Before he could give it more thought, someone knocked at the door. All thoughts of Sebastian vanished from Kurt's mind as he saw who it was.

** * **

Kurt couldn't believe what he was hearing. It swept the ground from underneath his feet. How could this have happened? Had Blaine really been that lonely? Had he really felt that neglected? 

Suddenly, a dreadful idea popped up in his head.

"It was Sebastian wasn't it?" he asked, and he was about to continue with _ 'who told you about us, who made you think I was cheating, but Blaine, it was just dinner-'  _ when Blaine cut him off.

"No, it wasn't  _ Sebastian _ ," Blaine said, repeating the name with a slight roll of his eyes that implied he couldn't believe Kurt was dragging that name up again. Kurt panicked. Was it Rachel? Did she know about Thursday dinners, had she told him? 

But from Blaine's reaction Kurt understood this wasn't about what _ he _ had been doing in New York. Sebastian hadn't been in contact with Blaine at all, and neither had Rachel- Blaine didn't know about them. He had assumed Kurt thought Sebastian was still in Lima and Blaine had cheated with him! He was quick to deny it all- and then he lay the blame at Kurt's feet.

_ You don't think that I've had temptations? _

Suddenly, Kurt wanted to tell him. Something vengeful inside of him wanted to make sure Blaine knew about the men in New York; about Chase at the office with his snazzy suits and his vests that he designed by himself, who had been nothing but sweet and charming and polite and was everything Kurt had imagined a handsome gay bachelor in New York to be; about Sebastian and the way he had matured from a bully to a modest and amusing companion without losing that edge that kept Kurt ever aware of his other side, that part of him that exuded sex appeal and worldliness...

Kurt had politely declined Chase's offer to check out one of his favorite restaurants downtown in his first week, and he had been civil and helped Sebastian first because he was one of Blaine's friends, later because they had become friends themselves – but never in his time in New York had he seriously considered accepting any of the offers out there; not the spoken ones nor the implicit ones; Chase's invitation, Sebastian's obviously indiscriminate sexual appetites, the flirty smiles from strangers in the subway, the curious glances from Rachel's classmates at NYADA... Kurt was with Blaine, and no matter how handsome, sexy, interesting or available the others could be, he was emotionally bound to someone else, and that made it easier to abstain physically as well. He had left a part of his heart in Ohio – but clearly that hadn't been enough for Blaine.

Kurt couldn't do it. He couldn't tell Blaine what he was feeling, how betrayed he felt, how hard he had worked to stay true to their long-distance love. Words failed him and he ran.

** * **

** [a few days later] **

Kurt lay on the floor of his and Rachel's loft, staring up at the ceiling. Everywhere around him were things that reminded him of Blaine- pictures of the two of them together stuck to the fridge, a book he had given Kurt lay on the coffee table next to the vase of faded red and yellow roses he had brought, the scarf Blaine liked so much hung by the wardrobe- Kurt found it impossible to look at anything in his own home without thinking of Blaine. It was worse in the small curtained partition of the loft that served as his bedroom. He hadn't changed the sheets yet. The bed still smelled like his cologne and his hair products, mingled with the smell of Kurt's fabric softener and perfume. Kurt couldn't bear to put them in the laundry. It would erase the last traces of his boyfriend. All the same, he couldn't bear sleeping in his bed either. He had spent the last nights on the couch, avoiding the entire area. He knew he would have to go back there eventually, but he was still trying to gather up the courage.  _ Courage _ . He winced. There was a time his is life where just the mention of that word made him feel stronger, because it had been Blaine's message to him. How could a part of the dictionary suddenly hurt so much? Blaine had been his courage- and now he had lost that.

Kurt sighed. His stomach rumbled, and he realized he hadn't eaten anything since breakfast. Rachel had gone after Finn to Lima, needing closure, and with her gone, he hadn't felt motivated to cook. It was hard enough going to work and pretending he was okay. His routines pulled him through, but as soon as he came home, his willpower collapsed and so did he. Grocery shopping seemed like an impossible task. Interacting with people, facing the world outside- the world, which hadn't changed at all, where no one ever knew of the existence of  _ KurtandBlaine _ and where everything went on as it had before. He felt a sudden surge of hatred towards everyone. How dare they just go on and live and laugh while his world was falling apart?

His phone buzzed. Kurt knew it couldn't be Blaine- he had tried to call him several times since he went back to Lima, but Kurt had been dodging his calls. A few days ago, when he couldn't take the ringing anymore (or his personalized ring tone, which was Disney's Aurora exclaiming 'why, it's my dream prince!") Kurt had made all the calls from Blaine's number go directly to voice mail, and deleted his mailbox every few hours without listening to the messages. The buzzing meant it was someone else. Kurt glanced at his phone. It was probably Rachel checking in from the airport. He waited, and the buzzing stopped. Not long after, a different tone signalized he had a message. Maybe she needed something. The thought that Rachel might need his support was the only thing that managed to make him move. He sat up and took his phone from the coffee table. One missed call: Sebastian. His stomach filled with dread. Did Sebastian know already? Had Blaine given him a call right after they broke up, telling him he was single and available now? Was this the moment where Sebastian disclosed that his whole act of being nice and meeting Kurt in New York was to distract him so he and Blaine would break up? With shaking fingers, Kurt opened the message.

**6:30 pm StSebastien @ KurtH.** : Sorry, can't make it today. Long shift yesterday and I need a few hours of sleep before work :( If you already bought stuff coffee's still on me next time. Bas. P.S. Check out OUT magazine, latest issue = superhot:)

Kurt blinked, tracing back the days. It was Thursday already? When did that happen? Everything seemed like one long blur since the weekend. Four days at work - he would remember 4 different outfits, wouldn't he? He looked to the corner that held his closet and the mannequin, and counted two shirts, a vest and a jacket hanging on clothes' hangers to air out. One of his semi-pullovers was draped over the mannequin. He couldn't recall wearing any of it, but he had cleaned up and put everything away after Finn arrived, so he must have functioned on auto-pilot. Thank God. Wallowing in misery was one thing, but looking like a slob on the job! Kurt wondered what else he had done without thinking about it. On the day after he had started blocking Blaine's calls, he had received a large bouquet of flowers at work- had that been Tuesday? He vaguely recalled going through the motions of ordering catering for a department meeting- those were on Wednesdays so that must have been yesterday. He managed to piece some of his days together again, though it still came as a shock that the weekend was almost there again and he had hardly noticed the week go by. What if Sebastian had shown up for dinner while he was still lying on the floor feeling sorry for himself, with nothing to eat the house except cereals and milk?

That was the thought that made up his mind. He had to get up, air out the place and his head, and get a grip on his life again! This was not the kind of man his father had taught him to be. He was a Hummel- Hummels didn't give up. Ever.

Kurt looked around. He would start with the flowers. Then the pictures. Then the bedroom. Then, he'd get something to eat, and the world would look different. He took a deep breath and let it out. Now that he had decided to be active, he already felt better.

*

A few hours later, the loft felt more like home again. Kurt had gotten rid of the dead roses, changed the sheets on his bed, and he had taken down the pictures of him and Blaine. He didn't have the heart to throw them away- they were good memories, after all- but he had put them in a box and shoved that to the back of his closet. One day, when it hurt less to remember, he'd sort them out and decide what to keep.

His phone buzzed again- not a notification this time, but his 9 pm alarm; a reminder of his daily Skype date with Blaine. Kurt winced, his fresh resolve wavering. He didn't doubt that Blaine still had the alarm on too, that he'd be logged in right now, hoping to talk to Kurt. It was so tempting to put his laptop on just to see Blaine's name light up in green. Online. Available.

But he couldn't. Not after he had just started to take the first steps towards recovery. Kurt muted his phone and disabled the alarm. His eye fell on the missed-call log and Sebastian's number. Suddenly, he knew what he needed to get out of this funk. Distraction.

It was time he checked out  _ InFlagrante _ . For over a year he had walked around the world with blinders on, having eyes only for Blaine: well, no more. Tonight, he'd go out and see what New York had to offer. He knew he wasn't ready for a new relationship, but that didn't mean he had to stay inside like a hermit. He thought of Sebastian. That guy flirted with  _ anyone _ , even if he had no intentions of following it up with anything, and he made it seem so easy, fun even - maybe with a little Dutch courage (Kurt tried not to flinch at the word), he could pretend to be like the ex-Warbler for a night and see what would happen.

That thought made him a little giddy, and without giving himself more time to think about it, he dove into his closet and rummaged around until he found his gold lamé pants. A rebellious feeling had overtaken him. Suddenly, he wanted to show Blaine he wasn't the only one who could get attention from others. He slipped into the skintight pants, lying down on the bed to get them zipped up, and chose a plain black top that showed off his arms to go with it. He had no idea what the dress code of the place was, but he would find out.

*

Sebastian put down the order of shots on the table in front of him, cashing the generous tips with a smile. It had been a good start of the evening, and with the extra hours of sleep, he felt fitter than he had in a while. Still, something had been missing in his Thursday routine, and it had come as a bit of a shock when he realized he actually missed dinner with Kurt. For a few weeks, he had been fooling himself saying it was just a way of getting a cheap meal; a home-cooked dinner with no effort at the price of a coffee, but as he sent the message telling Kurt he couldn't make it he had actually felt sorry. Not that he would tell Kurt, of course. He had some kind of reputation to uphold.

He glanced over his section to see if anyone was trying to get his attention. His eye fell on someone. Damn. That guy was trying to get  _ everyone _ 's attention, from the looks of those golden jeans. He was standing with his back turned to Sebastian. Two men were talking to him, clearly competing for his favors. Sebastian narrowed his eyes. He knew one of them. Didn't he get a red card last week?  _ InFlagrante _ was a club with high security standards and if they received complaints about a patron, they took them seriously. The offender would get penalty-carded like a soccer game- two yellow warnings and the next was red, which meant a two month ban from the club. Why had the bouncers let him in?

Sebastian decided to go check it out. He walked up to the new kid - as he got closer, he could tell the boy was young, probably younger than his ID said, and he could also tell that his ass looked even better up close- and he cocked his head at his two companions. "Can I get you guys anything?" he asked loudly over the blaring music. "A beer, a cocktail - an escort outside?" He directed the last at the man with the red card. The man just smirked and started to say something, but Sebastian was completely distracted by the boy in the gold pants, who had turned to face him.

"Kurt?" he asked, a little shocked. He had been admiring  _ Kurt Hummel _ 's ass?

"Bastian," Kurt said happily, slurring a little. "There you are. Whew. You look hot. Is that a tattoo?"

Sebastian looked down on his naked chest and for the first time since he started working there, felt a flash of self-consciousness. "I-" he started, but broke off when Kurt put two cold fingers on his ribs.

"What does it say? Je...  _ Je ne regrette rien _ ," he read out, leaning closer and tracing the tattoo with his fingers. Sebastian could feel Kurt's warm breath on his skin. He took a step back. He couldn't remember if, apart from their handshake when they met, Kurt had ever touched him.

"Kurt, you're drunk. You shouldn't be here."

Kurt straightened and looked up at Sebastian. His smile was trembling, but his eyes were clear. "Why not? I don't regret anything either. No regrets!" He raised his glass. One of his companions laughed. Sebastian realized the other must have made a raunchy joke. He glared at them and took Kurt's arm. He started pulling him away from the others.

"Hey, don't you have something better to do?" the guy with the red card protested.

"Oh, I do. And so does Kurt. Believe me, there are a lot of better things to do here than  _ you _ ," Sebastian retorted. He took his beeper from his belt and pressed the alarm signal, holding it up over his head. A small red laser shot up through the mists of the fog machine and he knew security would be here soon. The man knew it too, and made himself scarce. The other guy saw a situation develop and decided to scram too.

"What'd you do that for? They were nice," Kurt mumbled. "They got me drinks..."

Sebastian could feel a shiver run down his back. "Did you drink them? How many?"

Kurt blinked. "I don't know. Why? I'm no lightweight, I've had alcohol before, you know," he said, sounding a little petulant. Sebastian shook his head at Kurt's naivety.

"No, I know this guy.  One of my co-workers caught him slipping roofies in someone's drink a few weeks ago.  He's not supposed to be in here, the bouncers should never have let him through."

Kurt looked at him with wide eyes. "Nice friends you have..."

Sebasti an's eyes flashed and he tightened his hand on Kurt's arm. "He's not my friend, okay? I don't want anything to do with guys like him. I don't need to drug my partners.  I have plenty of willing candidates. Guys are practically waiting in line to get up on this-" he broke off when he saw Kurt was wincing in his grip, trying to pull away. He was looking a little panicked and people were starting to look at them. Sebastian immediately loosened his hand, but didn't let go. 

"I'm sorry. I'm just trying to look out for you. What are you doing here anyway...dressed like that?" He looked down at Kurt's jeans and back up at Kurt's face. Was he high or just drunk? It was hard to tell.

Kurt looked up at him. His face crumpled and he looked ready to cry. "Blaine cheated on me," he blurted out. "It's over. We're over."

"What?" Sebastian asked. "He...who--?"

"I don't know. I didn't give him the chance to tell me. He came to New York and confessed what he did and I told him to get back to Lima." He smiled a little, though the corners of his mouth were trembling again. "Good riddance, you know? No regrets. I don't need liars and cheaters in my life."

Sebastian saw Kurt smile at him, and it was horrible. It was horrible because he knew that kind of smile, knew the way it downplayed everything and shielded the bearer from worse, as if to say 'if I can still smile, it can't be that bad'. He knew it because he had tried it too, before alcohol and sex became easier ways to shield himself. Kurt's "it's not so bad" smile only just confirmed that it  _ was _ that bad. 

"I'm calling you a cab," he said firmly. "Do you have enough money?"

"What? No! I don't want to leave. I want to stay here and meet guys and dance and do all of the things I couldn't do when I was saving myself for Blaine..."

"Kurt, come on. You don't really want that-"

"Why not? Isn't that what you do? I want  _ one _ night like you, Sebastian, one night without regrets. I'll go back to being Kurt in the morning, I promise," Kurt said solemnly. 

Sebastian was a little taken aback. Where was this coming from? Kurt had always been the first to judge his promiscuous lifestyle. Whatever was running through Kurt's system; GHB or alcohol or a mixture of both; he knew the boy was not himself.

"Trust me. You don't want that. It's stupid, and it's dangerous." He sighed. It would be irresponsible to let Kurt stay here unsupervised- anything could happen. "Listen. I'm gonna go get my shirt and then I will take you home. Don't go anywhere, okay? Stay put. I mean it."

Kurt gave him a disappointed look but didn't argue with him. Sebastian hurried off. If his friends in Paris could see him now, no one would believe him. He had always been the first to mock sad rebounders like this, string them along, maybe even take them for a ride. But he didn't want that to happen to Kurt. That was not what the boy was really after.

He grabbed his shirt and went to his supervisor's office at the back of the club. She was sitting at her desk, working on a laptop.

"I have to go," he announced. "A friend of mine's here and he's really drunk. I have to get him home." The music from the main room pounded through the walls, muted down to bass drums. The woman looked up and took out a set of ear plugs. 

"What?"

Sebastian repeated what he had just said. The woman frowned. "Will you be back?" she asked. Sebastian thought about it. What if Kurt just went out again after he left? What if he fell asleep on his back and got sick? He wouldn't be the first drunk guy to choke on his own vomit.

"I think I should stay with him," he admitted. "But we have the whole staff here tonight and it's not a full house..."

She considered it. "Fine. But I can't pay you for today, Sebastian. The others still have 4 hours left, it would be unfair. You can keep your tips."

Sebastian nodded. He had figured she'd say something like that. It didn't matter. It was just one night. "Thanks, Tess. I'll be back tomorrow."

She offered him a smile. "Good luck with your friend. He's lucky to have someone like you."

Sebastian doubted that. He was the one who had gotten Kurt a fake ID and told him about  _ InFlagrante _ in the first place! And if he had inspired Kurt to the behaviour he was displaying right now, he wasn't exactly friend-material.

He got back just in time to pull Kurt away from the next contestant. This guy actually had his hand on his friend's ass and was whispering something in his ear- or maybe that was just an excuse to get close enough to lick his neck. Either way, he was overstepping way too many personal boundaries, and Sebastian pushed him away at the shoulder.

"...The fuck, man?" the guy cursed, and mustered Sebastian with his eyes. "He said he had no boyfriend," he said defensively, rubbing his arm. 

Kurt was looking a little winded and slightly unfocused. As Sebastian gave him a look he shrugged. "It's true. I don't have a boyfriend," he said sadly.

"He's drunk off his ass and he's under age. Get lost before I have you arrested," Sebastian threatened, focusing back on the man, who quickly decided not to put up a fight. It had to be Sebastian's lucky night. It wasn't oft that he held enough sway to get rid of annoying patrons on his own without having to call security. Most of them weren't exactly intimidated by his attitude or his physique. 

He turned back to Kurt. "Are you okay?" he asked. Kurt nodded, looking at Sebastian with large eyes. Something about the way Kurt looked, with his cheeks flushed and his pupils blown, shot straight to Sebastian's groin, but he ignored it. Kurt needed help, but now was not the time for the kind of help his body started to feel like offering. They had to get out of the club.

*

Luckily, there were several taxis waiting in front of the club. Sebastian helped Kurt into one of them and started to tell the driver Kurt's address. 

"No," Kurt said, sounding agonised. "I want to go to your place. Please, Bas. I just...don't want to be Kurt again yet," he whispered. He looked so helpless that Sebastian caved in and told the cabbie to drive them to his place instead. With a sigh of relief, Kurt let himself fall back into the seat. His eyes were slowly slipping closed. Sebastian studied him. He looked young and tired. Sebastian watched the lights of the city reflect through the car window, creating a coloured spectrum on Kurt's pale face. His mouth was opened slightly, his pink tongue coming out to wet his lips every now and then. His eyelashes were trembling softly, his eyes rolling under his eyelids. A red mark was forming on his throat thanks to the last guy Sebastian had to chase off at the club, and there were faint blue bruises under his eyes. Traces of concealer caused fine lines on his cheekbones. He had been crying. Sebastian wondered if Blaine realised just what he had caused with his little confession. Couldn't he have just kept his mouth shut? A small (but angry) part of Sebastian was tempted to snap a picture of Kurt and confront the ex-Warbler with what he had done - complete with an vivid description of scenarios Sebastian had stopped by chasing off those guys at the club. Not because he wanted Blaine's thanks, but because he should know what could have happened to the boy he claimed to love so much.

Sebastian was so lost in his vengeful thoughts that he didn't notice Kurt waking up until the other boy reached out and touched his face. "Don't be angry with me, Sebastian," Kurt whispered. "I didn't mean to ruin your night." His movements were sluggish and his hand softly sank to Sebastian's shoulder, where it lingered, his fingers slipping under the neckline of Sebastian's shirt.

"I'm not angry with you, Kurt," Sebastian replied. He reached up and took Kurt's hand from his shoulder, placing it on the leather seat.

"But you don't want me to touch you, either," Kurt stated. Sebastian told himself it did  _ not _ sound like disappointment. It wasn't. It couldn't be, because Kurt Hummel was not attracted to him. He had made that quite clear from the very beginning.

"Neither do you, Kurt," he said, as gently as he could. "It just feels like that now, but that's just...chemical."

"Mmm... chemical romance," Kurt mumbled, his eyes closing again. But he smiled this time.


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The morning after Kurt's night at InFlagrante.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Timeframe: season 4, after "The Break-Up"

Pain. Pain was the first thing Kurt felt as he woke up. The world was too bright and he had a terrible taste in his mouth. He rubbed his hands over his face and groaned. As he breathed in again, he noticed several things at once: 1. His bed didn't smell like his bed. 2. He didn't hear the familiar sounds of the highway that ran past his apartment or the noise of Rachel's elliptical. 3. He wasn't wearing his pyjamas. He tore his eyes open, blinking to get used to the light, and looked around. He started to panic. Where was he? Whose place was this? He ripped up the blanket to look down at his body. His legs were bare, but at least he was wearing his underwear. And, curiously enough, a faded t-shirt that said 'McKinley Titans'. Was he still dreaming? He made to say something and found the sound caught in his throat, which felt raw and scratchy.

"Good morning," a voice said, and Kurt quickly dropped the blanket, pulling it against his chest as he looked around. He finally recognised Sebastian, sitting in an old armchair, wearing blue jeans and his Starbucks polo shirt and holding a mug of coffee. He looked tired, like he hadn't slept at all.

Sebastian. For a moment, Kurt was relieved that it wasn't a complete stranger. Then, flashes of last night came back to him, and he swallowed hard. "Where are my clothes?" he asked, bracing himself.

"Airing out by the window in the bathroom," Sebastian replied. "How much do you remember of last night?" He didn't sound smug or reproachful. Just curious. Kurt swallowed again and tried to think. His head pounded.

"Nothing," he lied, and paused. "Too much," he corrected.

_The bar. The drinks. The guys flirting with him. And Sebastian, pulling one of them off of him, and putting him in a taxi. Flashes of dark streets and lights zooming by. Sebastian paying for the fare with hands full of one-dollar bills that he magicked out of his tight jeans._

Kurt winced. He could vividly remember himself saying he was _not_ Kurt, not that night, like he was convincing himself over and over again. He also remembered stripping off his clothes.

*

**[Several hours earlier]**

"Here. Take it to the bathroom and drink it there. It's gonna make you puke, but that's a good thing." Sebastian handed Kurt a glass with a cloudy liquid. He watched him take it without comment and go. Kurt was beyond his usual scepticism. With everything he had coursing through his veins, he was susceptible for any suggestion - which was dangerously tempting.

Not long after, Sebastian could hear him retch. He didn't know how much it would help, as it was clear a lot of the stuff Kurt had taken was already in his bloodstream, but whatever he got out now would poison his body less. "There's mouthwash by the sink," he called through the thin walls.

A few minutes later, Kurt came back into the room. Surprisingly enough, he looked a little better. The exertions had brought a little colour to his cheeks. He smiled and looked around. "I like your place," he stated. "Though I expected it be to be more...Sebastian."

Sebastian frowned. "What do you mean?"

Kurt shrugged. "You know. Mirrors on the ceiling, posters of naked body builders... black satin sheets." He waggled his eyebrows. It looked so comical that Sebastian laughed despite himself.

"Those are all in my second apartment, aka the fuckpad," he replied. As he saw Kurt's expression change, he quickly added: "That was a joke. I don't have a second apartment, Kurt." He made a mental note that sarcasm was beyond the comprehension skills of Kurt's clouded mind.

"Of course," Kurt mumbled vaguely, pretending he had understood that the first time.

"So..." Sebastian started, but without his usual conviction. He pushed his hands into the back pocket of his jeans and shrugged. "You can have the bed, I guess. I can sleep in my chair."

"I don't want to sleep," Kurt stated. "That stuff you gave me woke me up. What kind of music do you have?" Despite his words, he didn't sound very awake. His pronunciation was still a little slurred and he was speaking slower than usual.

Sebastian hesitated. What could happen if they just sat there and listened to some music? He'd have to stay awake anyway to make sure Kurt would be okay during the night. He nodded at his bed and walked over to a suitcase that stood against the wall. He opened it with a number combination and took out his laptop. When he came back, Kurt had taken off his shoes and made himself comfortable on the bed. Sebastian sat down a little distance away from him and opened his music library. Then, he handed over the laptop to Kurt. The boy smiled, put it down in front of himself, and flopped down on his stomach. Sebastian couldn't help but notice the way his muscles shifted underneath the golden pants as he started kicking his feet up in the air. Sebastian grabbed a pillow off the bed and strategically placed it over his lap.

Kurt scrolled down the play lists, occasionally humming in approval or exclaiming "Ugh! _Really_ ?" with dismay. Then he reached something that made him coo. " _Make-out_ play list, seriously Sebastian?" He clicked it and some mid-tempo R &B song started playing. Kurt laughed. "All this time, I thought you were _so_ slick, Sebastian Smythe..."

Sebastian frowned. "What? I am," he protested. "Here, try to resists this-" He took the laptop from Kurt and scrolled through the list until he reached _Pony_ from Ginuwine. He tapped it and it started playing. Kurt just shook his head.

" _Ride my pony_? God, that is so cheesy. I can't believe I was actually afraid Blaine might fall for you." He was already scrolling through the rest of the list, not bothering to take the laptop back but just scooting closer to Sebastian instead. The other boy looked down on him. "Clearly you've never seen my Pony dance," he said, feeling a little hard done by. Kurt looked up, suddenly interested. Sebastian swallowed. "Which... is for mature audiences only," he added quickly before Kurt would get the idea to ask him.

"Pfff," Kurt replied, rolling his eyes. "Tease." He started flipping his feet up and down again and continued going through the list.

"Says the guy in the golden pants," Sebastian brought out, trying to tear his eyes away.

"Mmm?" Kurt hummed, and looked up. Sebastian knew his eyes had given away too much when Kurt's expression changed. He slowly lifted himself up on the bed until he was on his hands and knees and then leaned closer to Sebastian. They were as close as they had been in the club now, and Sebastian could smell the mouthwash on his breath. "Do you like what you see, Bastian?" Kurt asked, his voice low and sultry.

Sebastian sat back and cleared his throat. "I'm not blind, Kurt," he whispered hoarsely. Kurt smiled. Sebastian knew that if he gave in now, all of his efforts- confronting Kurt's suitors and half a night of working without wages- would have been for nothing. Still, Kurt was making it pretty damn hard- all puns intended. "I saw that from the start," he continued, deciding that talking was a good option to keep himself from crossing those final inches and kissing Kurt, "but I could also see you were bitchy, high-maintenance and far too much effort." He held his breath, awaiting the high-pitched confrontation that would surely follow.

Instead, Kurt just laughed and sat back a little. "That's true," he conceded, and then shot Sebastian a seductive look. "But I'm worth it." Then his face suddenly fell a little. "At least, Blaine used to think so."

Sebastian didn't know what to say. He had been prepared to physically shove Kurt away if he got any closer, but instead he had been his own buzzkill. Clearly, the stuff in his system not only lowered his inhibitions but triggered mood swings as well.

Kurt sat back on the bed and pulled his knees up to his chest, wrapping his arms around them. "What if I never find someone else who's willing to put up with all of my crazy?" He gave Sebastian a sad look. "I come with tuns of baggage, and Blaine, he- he balanced me out, you know? He helped me see that I didn't always have to be louder than everyone else to be noticed. He helped me fit in."

Sebastian raised an eyebrow. "You think he did that for your sake?" he asked. Kurt gave him a blank look. "Kurt, I've never met anyone as hungry for the spotlight as he is. He needs everything to be about him. The only reason he tempered you was so everyone would pay more attention to _him_. Including you. And the moment you're gone, off in New York in your own spotlight that he can't share or steal, he caves in and finds someone else to put him on a pedestal."

Kurt looked lost. "I don't think that's true," he whispered, but he didn't sound very sure of himself. He looked ready to cry.

Sebastian bit his lip. "You'll find someone," he finally said. "Someone better." Hoping to cheer Kurt up a little again, he added with a leery smile, "though those jeans are probably not the right outfit for finding true love."

Kurt let out a huff of breath, and then slowly, a grin broke through on his face. "You really like these, don't you?" Kurt asked, his flirty mood returning. He caressed his own calves over the gold fabric.

Sebastian couldn't help but smile back. "Well, they definitely show off your ass...sets," he said slowly. "What's not to like?"

Kurt looked at him, his hands dropping down to the mattress. "Would you sleep with me, Sebastian?" he asked.

Sebastian blinked. "Theoretically? If you weren't you and I wasn't the guy who tried to steal your boyfriend and blackmail you and called you every mean thing I could think of?" he asked, stalling. "I guess I'd try, yeah." He shrugged. It was a stupid question. Kurt was supermodel gorgeous. If he'd meet him on the street and not knew who he was, he'd definitely try to tap that.

Kurt shook his head. "Not theoretically. Now. Tonight. When you're not being mean and I don't have a boyfriend to steal and... I'm not myself." There was something needy in his eyes that made Sebastian's mouth go dry.

"I can't, Kurt," he started. "I know that's not what you really want..."

"Isn't it?" Kurt asked. "A few coffee dates and dinners, and you think you know my deepest desires?" His voice dropped low again, and Sebastian realized too late that he was moving. He suddenly felt like a mouse about to be pounced by a cat. "What if I tell you I secretly wanted you all that time? Even when you hurt me... I never backed down. It was exciting, Bastian. It was hot. You challenged me."

He was close now, his hands planted on the mattress on either side of Sebastian's hips. "Well, I challenge you now. Show me that you weren't just bragging. Show me why you were walking around like God's greatest gift to gay men back in Lima."

Sebastian let out a strangled breath, his resolve to stay noble melting like ice in the sun. Would he really be doing something wrong if he just took what Kurt was offering? Could he risk it? Just how much would Kurt remember of this in the morning? Would he be able to live with himself?

Finally, a combination of factors pushed him to give in- Kurt's words, the fading adrenaline from the club and his angry thoughts about Blaine leaving a residue of possessiveness in his veins, the heightened sexual tension in the room, the way Kurt was looking up at him and his hungry mouth, begging to be kissed. He reached for Kurt's face, leaning in to kiss him, swiping his tongue over the boy’s lips and testing his response. Kurt laughed a little and started kissing back, trying to catch Sebastian’s lips between his in a clumsy duel for dominance. Sebastian growled against Kurt's lips, not ready to acknowledge that Kurt had won his challenge, and nudged the seam of Kurt’s lips with his tongue. As the boy’s lips opened pliantly, he dipped in, running his tongue along the ridge of Kurt’s teeth and his hard palate, stabbing into his mouth. Kurt tasted like alcohol and peppermint. Sebastian ran his hands down Kurt's sides, longing to touch what he had been admiring all evening, but Kurt pulled away.

Sebastian used the momentum to breathe in deeply. "What...?" he started, and then saw Kurt had stopped to pull his shirt over his head. They were actually going to do this. He let his eyes rove over Kurt's chest and down his abs. His skin was perfect, pale and flawless, his nipples flushed pink and tight. "Fuck," he whispered in awe.

"Uhuh," Kurt replied cheekily, and grabbed a handful of Sebastian's shirt, pulling him close again. Sebastian shifted on the bed to accommodate him, his mouth latching on to the column of Kurt's throat. He licked over the mark the other man had made, feeling a primal need to erase it, replace it with his own. He started to suck the already sensitive flesh and coaxed a soft moan from Kurt's lips. The sound went straight to his groin and his hands tightened on Kurt's waist, pressing their bodies closer together. Kurt's hand was still in Sebastian's shirt, now trapped between them, and he tugged on it. "Off," he mumbled. His other hand was reaching for his own jeans. "Take off your shirt. I want to take a picture of us."

Sebastian did a double take, not sure if his ears had heard correctly through the haze of lust. He pulled away from Kurt's collarbone and looked at the other boy. Kurt had just fished his phone out of his pocket. "For Blaine," he explained, giving Sebastian a look that was supposed to say ' _doh_ '.

Being sober had its perks. If Sebastian had drunk as much as Kurt, or had done a few of the club's party drugs, he probably would have agreed to it. Posed, maybe. It might have turned him on. But as it was, all Kurt's words did was make him feel ashamed of himself. He reached for Kurt's hand and took his phone, putting it down next to the bed. "Not now," he said quietly. "Come on. Get up."

Kurt looked confused, but the chemicals in his blood kept him from protesting as Sebastian took his hand and started dragging him off the bed. "Where?" he asked. Sebastian got up and pulled him towards the bathroom. Kurt's smile grew lazy and he looked at Sebastian from under half-lidded eyes. "Shower-sex? Kinky..." he mumbled, and his hands reached for the buttons on his pants. Before Sebastian could tell him no, he had popped them open and, keeping an eye on the other boy, started shimmying out of them.

Sebastian swallowed. He never thought it would be so hard to be the good guy. Kurt straightened in front of him, wearing nothing but his underwear, and that was failing to cover him completely. Before he could take that off too, Sebastian stepped up to him. "Come on," he said again, his voice hoarse. He took Kurt by the hand and helped him step into the shower.

"You're still dressed," Kurt protested - and then yelped as Sebastian turned on the cold water.

Sebastian wrapped his arm around Kurt's shoulders and chest, keeping him firmly under the spray while his other hand protected the tap from Kurt's flailing hands. Ice-cold water started soaking them both and Kurt gasped for air.

"F--fucking freezing," Kurt stuttered, his teeth starting to chatter. Unable to stop himself. Sebastian pressed a hard kiss against Kurt's cheek, pulling him closer against his wet t-shirt. His body heat was a little contra-productive for the effect he wanted to achieve, but he wanted one last moment before Kurt really sobered up and would go back to hating him. "It's gonna be okay," he whispered, almost inaudible under the sound of the falling water.

Sebastian held him there until Kurt's lips were turning blue and he had goosebumps all over. A modest glance down his body told him Kurt was no longer aroused - no surprise there. Ignoring his own dripping clothes, he lead Kurt from the shower and grabbed one of the cleanest towels he could find, wrapping it around the boy. He started rubbing his arms. Kurt slowly seemed to realize what was happening.

"I'm sorry, Sebastian," he whispered. "I'm so sorry..."

Sebastian winced. Kurt had reached the pathetic stage of his buzz. "It's okay," he shushed him. "It doesn't matter. Come on. Let's just get to sleep."

*

"I guess I should thank-"

"Don't," Sebastian cut Kurt off immediately, shifting in his chair uncomfortably. "Just don't, okay? It should never have happened in the first place." He paused. "How do you feel?"

Kurt swallowed. He mentally checked his symptoms. "My head hurts, but I guess I'm okay," he finally said. He looked around. "Where's my phone?" Then, he started to panic. "What time is it?"

Sebastian took Kurt's phone from the breast pocket of his polo shirt. "I took it so you wouldn't go drunk-dial someone when I fell asleep," he explained. "Your alarm went off two hours ago. I sent a text to your boss saying you're sick but offered she could call you later if she needed something important. I think I made it sound like something you'd write."

Kurt looked down on his hands. He remembered now how he had wanted to text Blaine in the middle of the night, tell him he didn't need him, attach a picture of the hickey on his throat and claim he was already over him. A wave of nausea swept over him. As much as Blaine's confession had hurt him, he didn't deserve that. Especially because it wasn't true. Now that he had sobered up, he knew that he still loved Blaine. That didn't mean he hadn't wanted Sebastian as well. He wished he could deny it, but the sight of him in the club without his shirt had turned Kurt on more than he wanted to admit. He hadn't had sex since he and Blaine said goodbye in Lima, and the combination of hurt, alcohol and opportunity had made him feel like he really wanted it, regardless of the consequences. Kurt was well-aware of the fact that he would have gone through with it if Sebastian hadn't stopped them.

"Kurt? Are you sure you're okay? Can I get you anything?"

Sebastian's voice woke him from his thoughts and Kurt quickly shook his head. "I'm fine," he said quietly. "I should get dressed." The thought of getting back into his golden trousers and riding the subway in commuter traffic made him wince, but he probably deserved that. He looked down on his shirt and fingered the logo. "I can't believe you kept this," he said, thinking of the night back at school when Sebastian had crashed at his place, completely drunk, much like he had done now. Only he had managed that without coming on to him.

Sebastian shrugged. "With my financial situation as it is, I can't exactly afford to be picky about clothes." He put his coffee down. "Do you want something to eat? I don't have anything here but there's a bakery at the corner..."

Kurt shook his head. He couldn't really deal with this caring side of Sebastian, not now. To shield himself from more offers, he mumbled: "You're overcompensating, Bas. Just be your usual careless self." He immediately regretted it as he saw the hurt look on the boy's face. It was only there for a flash- then his expression hardened and he got up.

"Fine. Get your own breakfast. I need to get to work, anyway." He walked up to the bed and dropped Kurt's phone in his lap.

"Sebastian, I didn't mean-- I'm sorry," Kurt started, but he could see it was no good. He took a deep breath, gathered his phone and the shreds of his dignity, and stepped out of the bed. He quickly made his way to the bathroom, trying to ignore the memories that kept popping up as he saw the shower.

*

Kurt was gone, and Sebastian was reeling. Lack of sleep and a shitload of conflicting emotions had brought him to the point of exhaustion- and the day had only just begun. Kurt had left with a very timid "see you Thursday?" to which Sebastian had only shrugged. He didn't know how they were supposed to go on now. They had made out and almost fucked- while Kurt was under the influence and extremely vulnerable. Sebastian had tried to be a gentleman, but it had just been too hard. He had always known he was never a _real_ Warbler. Those dapper boys would have never let a situation like that get so out of hand. But he also knew that he wasn't completely heartless any more either; he simply couldn't add Kurt to the list of conquests he forgot as soon as he came. He couldn't go through with it knowing that Kurt would hate him, and himself, as soon as he sobered up. He knew Kurt too well for that now. And for some reason or other, he _cared._

Sebastian huffed out a breath. What the hell. He tried to check inside what that meant. Was he _in love_ ? What did that mean, anyway? After last night, he could definitely no longer deny that he was physically attracted to Kurt, but was that all? He tried to remember what it felt like the year before, when dealing with Kurt was easier. Teasing Kurt had come natural. The things he said or the way he looked just seemed to _pull_ reactions from his brain, and Sebastian had found a certain malicious pleasure in picking the things he thought would inflict the most pain. But it had also been a challenge to hear what Kurt had to offer in return. He had never been _really_ hurt by the things Kurt said, and in retrospect, he hoped that was the same for Kurt. And there was this tired saying about pulling pigtails or whatever, but was that enough to conclude he was in love? What about the coffee-talks and the dinner dates? They weren't actually dates; just talking and eating and no making out; but he did like them. Was that what other people did in a relationship?

Sebastian shook his head. It was pointless to think about it. Kurt clearly still loved Blaine. The whole night had just been a foolish attempt to make Blaine jealous, and he had been a pawn in Kurt's game. Even if he did feel something for him (and he wasn't sure if he did), it was hopeless. And Sebastian Smythe didn't do hopeless. He got what he wanted, or he moved on.

*

"Mercedes?"

"Kurt! Oh my god, baby, I wanted to call you, like, so bad but I wasn't sure if you wanted me to. Are you okay? I heard what happened, I'm _so_ sorry."

Kurt closed his eyes, concentrating on the voice of his friend. She sounded so far away (and she was, all the way in LA), but hearing her voice already made him feel slightly better. "I guess I've been better," he admitted. "I screwed up so badly, Mercedes."

"Oh honey, trust me, where two people split up there are usually two people at fault... Where are you now, are you at work? Can you talk?"

"I'm on the subway. I called in sick for work today. I...spent the night at this guy's place...I was drunk, and-"

"What?! What guy? You were _drunk_ ? Hold up, Kurt, what's going on? I thought this was about Blaine! You'd better tell me everything from the beginning and don't you be letting anything out, you hear? **"**

Kurt looked around to see who else was on the subway with him, and when he saw that most of the commuters were sleeping or minding their own business in typical New Yorker style- he could have stood there naked and they wouldn't have looked up from their morning papers- he told Mercedes everything, starting from Blaine's visit to his decision to go to _InFlagrante_. She was quiet through most of it, occasionally making sympathetic noises or sighing and going 'oh, Kurt...'. She got more agitated as his story continued.

"So, I met some guys there and they bought me drinks-"

"You accepted drinks from strangers?" she asked, sounding slightly scandalized. "Kurt, didn't you pay attention when Ms Pillsbury took all of us girls apart and told us about date-rape drugs--"

"I _was_ , but I just...I guess at that moment I just didn't care. I was angry at Blaine and I wanted to show him I could have a good time without him, too. Anyway, so this guy I met here in New York," Kurt continued, not ready to tell Mercedes about Sebastian and sticking to the vague description he had given Blaine as well, "he worked there and he saw me, and I guess I was pretty drunk by then so he took me to his place..."

"Oh, Kurt, you didn't--!" Mercedes sounded half-afraid, half-awed. "Did you sleep with him?" she added in an urgent whisper.

"No," Kurt replied, and he heard her breathe out loudly, "but...not for lack of trying on my part," he admitted. "I guess I came on to him pretty bad. He put me under a cold shower and gave me some stuff to help me sober up, and then I slept in his bed while he slept on his couch. I'm not really sure he slept, actually. He looked pretty tired when I woke up."

"Wow," Mercedes said. "Who is this guy? Do you like him?"

Kurt paused. "He's a friend. But this morning, I was still half out of it and I was so ashamed of myself that I kind of...pissed him off on purpose and then he kicked me out." He knew he was deflecting her second question, but it was too early to think about that. Did he like Sebastian?

Mercedes was a little lost for words. "I wish I could hug you now, baby," she said quietly. "But you know what you've got to do, right?"

Kurt bit his lip. "Call Blaine?" he asked in a small voice. He was afraid to do that- it still hurt too much and knowing what he had almost done with Sebastian didn't make it any better. To his surprise, Mercedes nearly bit his head off in reply.

"Who cares about Blaine?! Honey, he cheated on you. Forget about him! Kurt, you need to apologize to this friend of yours! Do you have any idea what could have happened to you!? What if you had gone home alone and walked in front of a cab? What if you had gone home with some other guy; he could have been a serial killer! You could have been locked up in some pit by a maniac feeding you chicken bones and wanting to sew a Kurt-suit out of your skin-"

Kurt felt his stomach drop. She could really be as dramatical as Rachel sometimes. "Mercedes..." he started, but she continued.

"No, Kurt, I'm not done. You've been incredibly irresponsible and I don't care if you feel embarrassed, or that it's awkward or whatever, you're gonna apologize! Would you have rather he just left you there at the club? He could have taken advantage of you and he didn't. I don't know many guys who'd be able to do that. You would be stupid to let this guy go, whether you want him as a friend or a boyfriend, Kurt. If I can't be there to look out for you, I want to know there's someone out there who is."

Kurt closed his eyes tightly. He knew she was right, but how would she feel if she knew she was praising Sebastian Smythe? "I know," he said softly, "I know, Mercedes. I will."

When Mercedes was satisfied that he would do as she said, she hung up. Kurt stared out of the window of the subway the rest of the way home, watching his reflection in the darkness of the tunnels, and tried to understand why he had called Mercedes to talk about Blaine and had ended up talking about Sebastian instead.


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kurt apologizes to Sebastian and they fall back into their new habit of sharing coffee and thoughts.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Timeframe: season 4, after "The Break-Up". Please note that the warnings for mention of suicidal thoughts and underage sex are for this chapter.

Kurt sent Sebastian a few messages during the week leading to the next Thursday, but he didn't get any replies. He started to understand how Blaine was probably feeling; his boyfriend (or ex-boyfriend?) kept sending him messages and even flowers and presents, but he had sent them all back. He didn't want Blaine to make up for what he had done with presents - that would imply his forgiveness could be bought. As Thursday came and Sebastian hadn't responded, Kurt decided to go and see him after work. As he came in, Sebastian was mopping up the floor in the back. Kurt took a deep breath and walked up to him, clutching the paper bag he had brought.

"Coffee tsunami?" he asked, looking down at the puddle of brown water the other boy was mopping up.

"Something like that," Sebastian replied, looking up briefly before continuing his work. Kurt hesitated, but then thought of a very fierce Mercedes yelling in his ear.

"I, uh, was hoping you'd want to come to dinner tonight," he started, "but just in case you don't, I got you these- they're fresh and...the way you like them. Cream cheese with no tomatoes." He held up the bag from the bagel store down the road. "Either way, I want you to know that I'm really grateful for what you did for me the other night. Getting rid of those guys and...looking after me." He paused and waited for Sebastian to say something.

The boy took a deep breath and let it out before looking up into Kurt's eyes. "If I accept your apology, will you stop texting me? It's really getting annoying." There was a twinkle in his eye that took some of the edge off his words. Kurt smiled gratefully.

"Yes," he said solemnly. "I promise."

Sebastian finished mopping up and pushed the bucket against the counter with his foot. "Good. Then I'd really love a bagel right now. I have to work a longer shift today so I can't come to your place, but you're welcome to stick around. I need to clean up here but I can take a short break."

Kurt smiled. Even though the situation with Blaine was still pending and terrible, at least Sebastian was no longer angry with him.

*

Things normalized quickly after that (and how strange, Kurt mused when he thought about it, that polite and friendly conversations with Sebastian were now 'normal') and they found themselves in Kurt's apartment the week after that, lying on the floor and talking, sated on Kurt's homemade moussaka and getting intoxicated on a sweet Greek dinner wine. Sebastian had a night off from the club and they had decided to celebrate, though Kurt for his part was still very careful with the alcohol. Still, after a while, he felt confident to ask a rather personal question.

"What was your first time like?" Somehow, Kurt had always had an image of Sebastian being this experienced, if somewhat jaded, sex shark but even he would have to have started some time.

Sebastian shrugged. "It's not such a good story. Some other time, okay?" He didn't sound too uneasy about it, but Kurt knew that Sebastian didn't like sharing things about his past that he didn't feel were impressive or cool. Nonetheless, he had gotten curious now.

"Go on. I'll tell you about mine, too," he urged the other boy. Sebastian snorted.

"Please. Like I want to know about your and Blaine's amateur ikea sex and vows of undying love. I might puke rainbows." He paused and then seemed to realize he had said something wrong. He turned to face Kurt. "I'm sorry," he offered. "That was... I'll tell you, okay?"

Glad for the distraction, Kurt nodded. He thought he had been ready to share his story about Blaine, but as soon as Sebastian mentioned vows and undying love, Blaine's betrayal had been rubbed in his face again. Would he have slept with Blaine if he had known that would happen? Before he could think about it, Sebastian started.

"So," he said, "at my old school, there was this guy in the Lacrosse team, the captain in fact, and I had a major crush on him. We're talking the whole deal; waiting in the hallway for him to walk by, sneaking out of my classroom to look into his from the window...I was kind of obsessed. I followed him around everywhere he went."

"How old were you?" Kurt interrupted, fascinated by this side of Sebastian. The way he described himself sounded a lot like when Kurt had a crush on Finn. It was hard to imagine they had something like that in common.

"Fourteen," Sebastian replied after giving it some thought. "He was a few years older than me. Sixteen I think, maybe seventeen. I used to watch him take a shower after Lacrosse practice. I liked watching the other guys too, but he was my favorite. He was gorgeous. Tall, well-built. Muscular. Had this huge cock that sort of intimidated and fascinated me at the same time. So one day, after practice, I was watching him again, and he started jerking himself off. Everyone else had already left. I had this perfect hiding place inside a broken locker, but I must have made a sound or something because he stopped, looked right at me, and told me to come out. I was so starstruck that he knew my name that I didn't even worry about getting caught spying. So I went up to him and he asked me why I was hiding in there. I said I liked watching him, and he was like 'so are you gay or something?' And I said 'yeah'."

Kurt winced, not sure if he was going to like the rest of the story. It sounded like fourteen year old Sebastian was headed for a bashing. He wondered where this was going. Still, he had to admire the boy's guts for coming out with it in front of his crush like that. It seemed that even back then, Sebastian was really an all-or-nothing kind of guy.

"So he standing there naked with this huge hard-on, and I had just outed myself to him, so he decided to do the math and suggested that I'd suck him off, figuring since I was gay and all and that's what we do," Sebastian continued, sounding detached like he was reading the weather report. "I thought my dreams were coming true, you know? The thought of touching him and actually putting my mouth on his dick... I had watched enough porn to kinda know how to do it, so I got down on my knees and started doing it. I had to use both hands because he was so big, and he kept pushing forward like he wanted more. So, you know, I tried, but I was really just this scrawny kid and he kept choking me. It had always looked so much easier in the movies. At some point he got frustrated and pulled out, and asked if he could fuck me instead-"

"Sebastian..." Kurt interrupted, feeling slightly sick to his stomach.

"What? Is this... am I upsetting you? I told you it wasn't a good story. You said you wanted to know."

Kurt swallowed hard and shook his head. "I did. It's just... it sounds so wrong. And you're being so...crude about it. Like it didn't matter at all."

Sebastian looked at him. Kurt could tell Sebastian didn't understand what was so wrong about it.

"I'm just telling you what happened. I'm sorry if I don't have any stories about..." Sebastian waved his hand in a dismissive gesture, "romantic getaways in the country and magical deflowerings on a bed of rose petals with unicorns grazing nearby. It wasn't like that. And it really didn't matter that much. But I can stop if I am making you uncomfortable."

Kurt shook his head again, and Sebastian took that as a sign to continue. "So at this point, I was ready to do pretty much whatever this guy wanted-"

"Can you at least tell me his name?" Kurt interrupted again. He couldn't stand to hear Sebastian refer to his first lover as 'this guy', some nameless, faceless jock.

"Michael," Sebastian replied. "Michael Farley." He looked at Kurt as if he was waiting for permission. When Kurt nodded, he went on. "So Michael propped me up against the wall of the shower, took a condom and his hand lotion from his locker...it was over pretty fast. And thank god for that, you know? Michael had never been with a guy before and he had no idea what he was doing. It hurt like hell and all the while I kept thinking; what's wrong with me? Why isn't this the best feeling in the world? I didn't understand how this guy, whom I idolized, could disappoint me so much. I had fantasized about doing it with him for weeks. And yet all I wanted at that moment was to get it over with. When he was done, he told me not to tell anyone, and then asked if I wanted to do it again sometime. He was looking pretty happy and I figured, maybe it's only good for the guy putting his dick in- sorry, I'm trying to clean up my language, Kurt, I really am."

Sebastian gave Kurt a guilty look. Kurt shrugged. The story had already upset him enough that Sebastian's choice of words didn't matter at this point. "So I asked him if maybe next time we could do it the other way around. But he just looked at me and said 'why? _I'm_ not gay.'" Sebastian paused. "Needless to say, we didn't do it again."

Kurt chewed his lip for while before saying something. "I'm sorry," he finally offered. "This Michael sounds like a real jerk."

Sebastian shrugged. "I don't know. Sure, I was devastated for a while, but it was kind of my own fault. I sprung it on him out of the blue, and he was just a teenage boy being offered free sex. What was he gonna do, say no?"

Kurt frowned. 'You were under age!"

"I'm not sure he knew that," Sebastian argued. "And I wanted it, Kurt." He looked at the other boy. "It's okay. You don't need to feel sorry for me. It's not like it traumatized me or anything. It just wizened me up a little about putting people on a pedestal."

Kurt looked up at the ceiling of the loft. If he had heard this story half a year ago, he might have laughed and said Sebastian deserved it- though if he was honest to himself, he wouldn't have found it funny even back then. No fourteen year old boy (or any boy of any age) deserved to be used like that. And if Sebastian had deserved it, hadn't he deserved it too, when he offered to sleep with Sebastian? He wasn't sure Sebastian was right about not being traumatized. The clinical way he talked about it made it sound more like he had simply compartmentalized it away.

Suddenly, with a flash of clarity, he had the answer to his earlier question. No, he would not have done anything differently, had he known what Blaine would do. Their first time had been perfect, and would remain perfect forever in his memory, no matter what happened afterwards. Things could have gone so much differently- he saw that now. He could have met someone like Michael, or Blaine could have convinced him to do it in the car, drunk and with no preparation or protection...

"I get to decide what I feel," he said stubbornly, "and I still wish it would have been someone else for you. Someone kinder, who cared enough not hurt you."

"Someone like Blaine?" For a moment, the old Sebastian was back. Kurt could tell. His eyes had gone just a little colder, his face a little harder. Then he relaxed and his expression softened. Before he could apologize again, Kurt cut in. He knew what Sebastian had been trying to say, -Blaine cared and he had hurt him anyway, and maybe it had hurt even more _because_ he had cared so much- but Kurt was determined not to let Sebastian devalue what he and Blaine had.

"Yes. We...took our time to get to know each other. We figured out what worked and what didn't. It was a process. We communicated...it felt good to share something like that with my best friend." To his surprise, Sebastian didn't argue.

"Good for you," the other boy offered quietly. "I know you've been through enough for you to also have that taken away."

"Thanks," Kurt said, not sure how else to respond. He didn't know exactly how much Blaine had told Sebastian about his past. He hoped Sebastian hadn't forgotten that he had been a part of the stuff Kurt had 'been through'. Still, he appreciated the other boy's offer of support. Sebastian's story made him feel that for now, they could speak openly. "It almost didn't happen that way, though." He hesitated, but then continued. "What do you remember from that night we went to Scandals?"

Sebastian frowned. "I was pretty drunk. You, uh... you were sad. You said something like...Blaine wasn't himself that night. He was drunk too." Realization dawned on him and his eyes widened. "I teased you for not letting him have any," he said. Kurt shrugged.

"Like you said, you were drunk. It probably seemed very funny to you."

"Did he try to-" Kurt cut him off before Sebastian could say the word. He didn't want to hear it, not even now. Blaine would have never tried to rape him, no matter how drunk he was.

"...convince me to lose our virginity right there in the car? Yes," he corrected Sebastian. "And he apologized for that afterwards. We were both glad we waited."

Sebastian huffed. "You're the king of euphemisms."

Kurt cocked his head. "Somebody has to be. We can't all talk trash like you."

Sebastian smirked. "What can I say? It's a fucking gift."

Kurt rolled his eyes. Then he looked back at Sebastian. "So what happened after Michael? I mean, clearly you didn't give up and became a monk after that..." He tried to keep his voice light, giving Sebastian the opportunity to tell him to mind his own business.

Sebastian let his head fall back and looked up at the ceiling. "Not much until Paris," he said. "There, on the campus house for foreign exchange students, I met this brother and sister from Belgium- they weren't really brother and sister, not biologically," he added quickly, "but their parents had remarried and sent them off to school in France. Anyway, they took me under their wing and eh- what did you call it? Helped me 'figure out what worked and what didn't'?" He smiled. "I learned more from them than in class, that's for sure."

Kurt frowned a little. "You had sex with a girl?"

Sebastian smirked. "Not according to Clinton." He turned to look at Kurt's shocked face and shrugged. "You know, it's really not that bad. When it comes down to it, a girl's lips are much the same as a boy's." He reached out and playfully brushed a finger over Kurt's lower lip. Kurt pulled away as if burned, sucking his lip into his mouth. It was as if Sebastian was suddenly...tainted somehow. Sebastian chuckled. "Don't be so prissy, Kurt. I don't care about breasts or the moist parts between their legs either, but that doesn't mean I'm gonna refuse a blowjob or a skilled pair of hands."

Kurt swallowed. "I can see why you don't have any hard feelings towards Michael, then," he concluded. "You're just the same." He knew that didn't add up to the other night, but maybe that had been uncharacteristic for the both of them.

Sebastian shrugged. "Maybe I am. Though I'd like to think I'm a better lover than he was."

Kurt let out a sigh. When he asked Sebastian to tell him about his sex life, he had somehow (against all odds) expected some kind of story that would redeem him, some kind of explanation. But he should have known. Whatever it was that had made Sebastian the way he was, whether it was his first experience with Michael or not, it had closed the door to his feelings. He took a deep breath and fixed a spot on the ceiling with his eyes, pushing away the feeling of disappointment. Still, he couldn't help but give it one more nudge.

"You know, after I had just met Blaine, my dad, he...got me these pamphlets and he talked to me. He said that, no matter what I do, I should always make sure that it had a meaning. That I shouldn't just go out to have sex just because I could. Because I matter." He paused. "Did you...ever think about that?"

Sebastian was silent for a moment, but then easily fell back into his confident persona. "Please. I don't need a talk like that. I already know that I matter. In my relationships, if you can call them that, I am the _only_ one who matters."

Kurt felt his stomach sink. He knew he had lost him now, and the moment for sharing things was over. He had been too moralising, and Sebastian was retreating behind his façade. Just as he was about to apologise, Sebastian spoke up again.

"My dad...we never had a talk like that. But there were...other talks. He thinks he needs to protect me from guys his age cruising me. He has absolutely no idea. He's flattering himself if he thinks I have some kind of daddy-issues." Sebastian snorted. "That's the _last_ thing I need."

"At least that means he cares, right?" Kurt offered, a little taken aback. Sebastian didn't mention his family much. "But why would he think that? Did you...did he ever see you with an older boyfriend?" He suddenly thought about the guy at Starbucks. Did that happen to Sebastian more often?

Sebastian shook his head. "He doesn't care. He doesn't know anything about me. He just makes assumptions based on the kind of people he deals with in his job. Half his clients are in messy divorces over soliciting some rentboy or other. In his mind, there's no reason why any self-respecting man would want to have sex with another man if not for money. Though if he _really_ worried about that he ought to have thought twice about axing my funds for university." He shook his head. "Like I would do that. Contrary to popular belief, I do have standards. Stale bagels, no problem - but not some old guy's stale dick."

"That's awful," Kurt offered, trying to ignore the mental image Sebastian had just conjured. "Doesn't he know there are plenty of gay and lesbian couples living in monogamous, loving relationships, even raising families?"

Sebastian smirked. "Well, he's married to my mom. I guess I would lose all hope in loving, monogamous relationships too." Smiling at his own joke, he looked over at Kurt and saw he didn't find it very funny.

"Look, I'm not trying to convince you that my way is better. But it's how I live my life. You have this whole network of friends around you, you have your family, your dad, a great step-mom...from the day I realised I was gay, I was on my own. I knew my family wasn't going to accept it, and I knew most people at school wouldn't want to know either. At some point, trying to connect to people just seemed like wasted effort,” he said. “Besides, most people are boring or stupid, or both. I don’t need friends like that.” He knew he sounded defensive and it was a little unfair- Kurt had been nothing if not careful and gentle in giving his opinion, and he had even expressed regrets for the things Sebastian had been through. Sebastian had definitely heard worse from school counsellors, teachers, even his parents. He paused and chewed his lip. Should he tell Kurt that _he_ was not boring or stupid, and that their bantering-slash-serious-coffee-and-dinner-talks had come to feel like they shared something that united them against the rest of the world?

He wasn’t sure. Maybe it was better if Kurt really thought he didn’t want friends or relationships. That the other night had been a freak incident. That way, Sebastian wouldn’t have to deal with this caring side of Kurt. Kurt would draw up his walls and so would he and neither of them had to expose their vulnerability. And yet something kept him from making the last remark to push them over that edge.

“Sex has never had a lot of meaning for me,” he said quietly. “It’s something I do that makes me feel good, and if the other person feels good too, that’s a double-win.” He didn’t look at Kurt as he spoke on. “I know it was different for you and Blaine. And I’m glad it was. And you'll find someone again, someone who will appreciate you and makes it matter."

He finally looked around at Kurt and saw he was crying. Sebastian swallowed. "What did I say?" he asked.

Kurt shook his head, wiping at his cheeks. "You think I haven't been alone? You think it was easy for my family or my friends to accept me?" He paused only to take a deep breath and continued; "Do you think I transferred to Dalton because I was having such a great time at school?"

"What? Kurt, I didn't-" Sebastian tried, but the other boy didn't let him finish.

"You think I had some kind of storybook-perfect life? You say you stopped making friends, well, that wasn't a choice for me. I was raised to open myself up to people again and again, and it fucking _hurts_. The more meaning it has, the more you lose when it ends. So don't sit there and pretend like I had it easy."

"That wasn't what I was saying at all," Sebastian replied, sounding a little hurt.

"Oh yeah?" Kurt sniffled, swallowing a sob. Because it had sure sounded like it to him - like Sebastian was trying to excuse himself for his behaviour; like he would have turned out differently if only he had had Kurt's opportunities. He wondered how Sebastian would have felt about the _opportunity_ of Karofksy threatening his life.

"Yeah," Sebastian said. "Kurt, I know you had a rough time. And that makes it even more remarkable that you are who you are today. I was trying to say how much I admire that. Just because I have never had a meaningful relationship doesn't mean I can't appreciate them. I guess that's why I couldn't-- That's why you and I wouldn't work. We just expect different things from life. You need someone who's more like yourself. Like Blaine."

"And what if I never find someone like him again?" Kurt voiced his fears. "I can't live like you do, Sebastian, I just...I would die inside."

"Do you think that's what I am? Dead inside?"

Kurt breathed in sharply. "I think you try to be, because it hurts less. But if you really were, you would have slept with me and let me send a picture to Blaine."

Sebastian didn't have a come-back for that, so he said nothing. Trust, love, romance; it opened you up to a world of hurt. Did Kurt really think he was strong enough for that?

The moment passed in silence. After a while, Kurt offered Sebastian more wine and he gladly accepted. Kurt started talking about Rachel's classes and her dance teacher and Sebastian told him a few anecdotes about Jeff and Nick's antics in his last year at Dalton. Still, it was clear that the both of them were trying really hard to keep topics neutral. At some point, Kurt couldn't take it any more.

"Ask me something," he said.

Sebastian frowned, raising himself up on his elbow to look at Kurt. "Like what?"

"Anything. I asked you something personal, now it's your turn."

Sebastian shook his head. "I wasn't aware this was a game," he commented, sounding amused.

"It's not," Kurt said. "But if we're gonna hang out like this, I want to get to know you better. And I want you to know me. It's called sharing. It's what friends do."

Sebastian chewed his lip for a moment and lay back down on his back. So here it was. They were actually friends. "Anything?" he echoed. "Aren't you afraid I'm gonna ask something you don't want me to know? Like...your favourite position or your dirtiest fantasy?"

Kurt swallowed and kept his eyes firmly on the ceiling. He could feel a blush creeping into his cheeks. "I'm not sure friends need to know these things from each other," he backpaddled, "but I guess...if you really want to know..."

"No, thanks," Sebastian cut him off quickly. "Half the fun is imagination, after all."

Kurt blushed even deeper now, though it was dark enough in the room to hide it. Just as he thought Sebastian wasn't going to say anything, the boy sat up and looked down on him.

"So," he stated, and for a moment Kurt was afraid Sebastian was going to tell him what kind of dirty fantasies he imagined Kurt to have, "at school, when you were...going through all that stuff, did you ever...think of stepping out?"

"You mean...killing myself?" Kurt asked, taken aback by the off-hand way Sebastian had asked. He hadn't been counting on such a personal question. Sebastian nodded.

Kurt had to think about it. What should he tell Sebastian? He had been the one to start with the personal stuff, and he had invited his friend to ask him something too. But this was something he had never told anyone, not even his best friends. He sat up as well, mirroring Sebastian's position and wrapping his arms around his knees.

"In my first year, things weren't so bad," he started hesitantly. "I mean, there were the slushies and the insults and every morning before school I'd get tossed in the dumpster, but I guess there was a sort of... regularity to it. It was predictable. I'd bring a change of clothes with me, the jocks got their morning exercise out of the way, and we all went on with our lives."

Sebastian listened quietly. "Didn't the teachers ever do anything?" he asked as Kurt paused to decide how to continue. Kurt shrugged.

"They didn't notice. Or they pretended not to notice. I don't know. But it wouldn't have helped anyway. The jocks always managed to find ways to get away with it." Kurt thought about all the times coach Sylvester had endorsed her Cheerios bullying other students, saying it was a part of their training to be 'on top of the pyramid'. Their uniforms automatically made him think of the McKinley Titan colours, red-and-white lettermans, and David Karofksy. Now that Sebastian knew who he was, Kurt didn't want to mention him by name. They had left that part of their past behind them, him and Dave, and he knew David would not benefit by his spreading stories about him. He continued carefully.

"During second year, everything sort of intensified. There was one guy on the football team who was kind of the bully ringleader. Actually, he had taken over from Finn and Puckermann when they joined Glee. Anyway, he was more... physical than the rest. He liked to aim slushies at the New Directions too, but he would also push me around and throw me against lockers, steal things from me, knock over my lunch tray, stuff like that. And not just now and then, but every time he saw me and thought he could get away with it." Kurt paused briefly because Sebastian was giving him an intense look. Sebastian noticed and quickly looked away. Kurt continued. "It got pretty bad. At some point I faked my father's signature to excuse myself from gym class because I didn't want the others to see the bruises. I used that slip for over two months." He took a deep breath. No one knew about that, not even his dad. He wasn't sure why he was telling Sebastian now.

"What was wrong with that guy?" Sebastian asked. "Why you?"

Kurt smiled sadly. "I asked myself that too. Every time it happened. Until I found out." He looked down at his feet. It was easier to talk about when he wasn't confronted with the look in Sebastian's eyes. "He was struggling with himself. He had realized that he was gay, and he didn't want to be, so he took it out on me. Overcompensating, maybe, to draw attention away from himself. Anyway, one day I actually asked him why he wouldn't leave me alone and he... kissed me. I can't forget the look on his face...like he was only barely holding himself back from doing more. After that, every time he came close to me, I didn't know if he was going to beat me up or..." He broke off and shrugged. "I guess it upset him just about as much as it did me because after that, he became obsessed with the thought of my telling anyone about it. As if I would, you know? He blamed me for everything and he said he was going to kill me if anyone found out."

"That's so fucked up," Sebastian said quietly. Kurt was too lost in the memory to respond. He could feel a tear starting to run down his cheek.

"That was the point where I thought, would that really be so bad? I was so tired of it all. I couldn't sleep, I was constantly afraid... I began to feel like maybe I should beat him to it. Then I wouldn't have to wait any longer for him to end it all. I would have control of my life again."

Kurt looked at Sebastian, forcing himself to come back to the present and create some distance between him and the memories. "I couldn't do it, though. I kept thinking about my dad and what would happen to him if I wasn't there to take care of him...and...it was around that time that I met Blaine, too. I ended up transferring to Dalton instead, and I guess I kind of thought, 'maybe this is the reason I am still around - so I'd have a chance to be with Blaine.'" He offered Sebastian a smile. The other boy didn't smile back. Kurt had expected him to play pretend at throwing up, but instead Sebastian was looking at him like he was _really_ about to be sick. Somehow Kurt knew it wasn't because of his romantic notions about Blaine. Something deeper was bothering Sebastian.

"And then I came," the other boy added hoarsely.

Kurt cocked his head. "Yeah. Then you came and stirred everything up."

"Kurt, I..." Sebastian started, and then broke off to run a hand over his face. "I need to know. Did I ever...make you feel like that? Like that guy did?" He sounded timid, almost afraid, which was so unusual that Kurt was a little taken aback.

"No," he answered honestly. In hopes of cheering Sebastian up, he added: "Whenever I saw you, I mostly just wanted to kick _your_ ass, not hurt _myself_."

Sebastian smiled a little. "Good."

Kurt made himself unclasp his knees and stretch his back. His whole posture had gone tense and it had started to hurt. He rolled his shoulders and looked at Sebastian.

The boy was still sitting in the same position, lost in his thoughts. "You know," Sebastian suddenly said, breaking the silence, "until that kid Karofsky tried to kill himself, I never realized that what I was doing was going too far. I mean, I never actually beat anyone up or thrown someone in a dumpster, but-"

"You liked doing that verbally," Kurt finished.

"Yeah," Sebastian admitted, looking at the floor and following the grain of the wood with a toed sock. Kurt could tell he was struggling.

"Bastian," he started gently, "I'm not going to tell you that what you did was okay. But I can tell that you're sorry, and I know you've changed since then. If you hadn't, I would have never wanted you to set a foot in my house. It's okay to let it go and forgive yourself."

Sebastian looked up at Kurt. "You're like...Ghandi or something, aren't you?" he said, sounding a little awed.

Kurt laughed. "I wish."


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After Kurt's trip back to Lima for Grease, he needs someone to talk to.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Timeframe: season 4, after "Glease"

"I'll have a triple espresso, please," Kurt said, his voice rough. As Sebastian looked at him from over the counter, he took off his dark sunglasses and shot him a brief look, his eyes never lingering long on one point. "Jetlag," he said softly. "It's a bitch."

Sebastian didn't hesitate. He tore his eyes away from Kurt's puffy eyes and his pale face, which was even whiter than usual, and located his colleague at the back of the store.

"Francis! I'm taking my break. Can you take the register?"

The man with the Starbucks polo shirt looked up from his mop, briefly glanced over Sebastian and his company, and offered him a friendly smile. "Sure, Sebastian. Go ahead. If Mr Robins comes in I'll tell him you started early today."

Sebastian nodded and turned back to Kurt. "Do you wanna go outside, catch some air? I'll be right out with your coffee. I just need to log off here so Francis can take the register." Kurt didn't reply, but he put his sunglasses back on and hitched up his bag. Taking it as a yes, Sebastian swiped his ID card through the slot of the register and punched in his code. From the corner of his eye, he could see Kurt step outside. He quickly filled a paper cup with espresso, capped it, and bagged a blueberry muffin. Francis watched him from the side of the counter without comment.

"I'll pay for it," Sebastian mumbled, but Francis shook his head. "Stuff falls down here all the time. We can't sell everything. Now go on, it looks like you got an emergency."

"Thanks. Yeah, looks that way."

"I hope you can help," Francis offered.

"Me too," Sebastian replied, and quickly hurried after Kurt. He found him across the street, sitting on the bench. He quickly crossed and handed Kurt the cup, putting the bag down in between them as he sat down.

Kurt looked down on his coffee. "Francis seems nice," he said quietly.

Sebastian shrugged. "Yeah, well, I covered for him so many times he has to be. His wife is pregnant, and she calls him like, all the time, telling him to come over. And he wants to be at every freaking ultrasound. Keeps bringing pictures to work too, you know, with blobs of static that basically just look like a lima bean to me." He faked an exaggerated shudder. "I'm glad I'll never reproduce. It  _ does _ something to you. It's like an alien invasion or brainwashing."

Kurt smiled a little. Sebastian took it as a good start. "So...how was the musical?" he asked carefully. Kurt had texted him a few days before to let him know Thursday's dinner was cancelled because he was working late to clear time on his schedule on Friday so they could leave early. Sebastian figured it could really only have 2 outcomes. This was one of them; the other would have involved more rosy cheeks and possibly a facebook relationship status update.

Kurt sipped his coffee and made a face. It was extra strong, and a whole different story from his usual lattes. "Have some muffin," Sebastian offered. "It's on the house."

Kurt nodded gratefully and reached into the bag, taking out his favourite kind of pastry. He offered it to Sebastian first, but he shook his head. Kurt pinched off a piece of the pastry with his fingers, putting it into his mouth. Finally, he seemed able to speak. "It was really good, actually. The new kids are very talented and Sam, he's a born Kenickie. They really did a great job."

"And Blaine?"

Kurt took another sip of his coffee followed by a large piece of muffin. "Blaine only had one song; I need to talk to Finn about that, it was a waste of his talent, he ought to have been Danny, he'd make a wonderful Danny and he was Tony last year, so-"

"Kurt?"

The boy broke of his rant, which had been fast and frantic and completely avoiding the issue. He sighed deeply and took off his glasses again. He looked at Sebastian.

"I thought seeing him would make it better," he said softly. "When I talked about it with Rachel it seemed like the right thing to do and I really  _ did _ want to see him. But the closer we got to Lima, the worse I felt. By the time I got to McKinley, I wasn't even sure if I wanted to see him at all. And then there he was, looking fantastic as ever, and I just knew that if I gave him the chance to speak, to explain; if I heard his voice, telling me how much he loves me one more time, I would just throw myself into his arms and beg him to take me back, like _ I _ had done something wrong."

Tears were forming in his eyes again and Kurt quickly took another sip of his coffee, closing his eyes tightly. "So...I didn't. I told him I didn't care about his explanations or his apologies, and then I left."

"Wow," Sebastian let out, unable to stop himself.

Kurt let out a shaky breath. "It feels like we've broken up all over again. For real this time."

"I'm sorry," Sebastian offered, and surprised himself by actually meaning it. He had no experience in this field; had always been the one to break up relationships rather than be in one himself- but he could see how difficult this was for Kurt. He hadn't been ready to let go, but he was forcing himself to take the hurt so now it would hurt less later. There was bravery in that, and a lot of courage. Sebastian wasn't sure if he could have done it. He looked around the street, trying to think of something to say that would make it better. He wasn't very good at talks like this and tried to think what Kurt would need. "What did Rachel say?" he asked finally. Maybe if she had said something smart about it, he could jump aboard and say he thought so too.

Kurt shrugged. "She's in the same boat. Well, sort of, anyway. Finn basically told her they shouldn't have any contact at all any more, and I know that's hurting her, but it's for the best. She can concentrate on NYADA that way, and-"

"Hang out with her new guy," Sebastian supplied helpfully, but Kurt shook his head.

"No, no that's over, too. I guess he got tired of waiting for her to make up her mind, or, I don't know...anyway, he's with someone else now, and Rachel has gone into full audition mode for her Broadway show. She already started on the plane. She's at the studio now, rehearsing."

"Oh," Sebastian replied, not sure what to say about that. It seemed everyone was impatient to get it on these days. Which made sense. It gave him an idea. "Maybe that's what you should do, too," he said.

"Audition?" Kurt asked, a little confused.

"No. Be with someone else. Go out on a date! You know, have fun, distract yourself. Move on."

Kurt looked at him with something of recognition in his eyes. "You think so?" he asked.

Sebastian shrugged. "Yeah. What about that guy you work with? What's his name, Chaz? Chase? You said he was kind of cute..."

Kurt slumped a little and Sebastian couldn't help but feel that he looked a little disappointed. He quickly added: "Or someone else, I mean, it doesn't have to be someone you work with. What about the guys in Rachel's class? You can't tell me the ratio isn't over-proportionally in our favour at a school like that."

Kurt nodded and sighed wistfully. "I guess so," he admitted. "I have been thinking about that...about seeing someone else, but... every time I so much as think about kissing someone else, he- I see Blaine's face and-" He let out of huff of air in frustration and turned to face Sebastian, offering him a wry smile. "I guess now I realize what my dad meant when he warned me about having sex. He said it was like sharing a piece of your soul. He was right. It can be fantastic- and it can be used against you." He sighed and looked away again. "I just... _ hate _ ...that Blaine has the power to make me feel this way. And he'll  _ always _ have that...piece of me, that memory of me at my most...vulnerable."

Sebastian chewed his lip.  He sensed he was skating on very thin ice. Kurt was only a breath away from telling him to butt out and forget about it. The left side of his brain was aching to pull a few punches about Blaine and his so-called power, but he knew he couldn't do that. It was too soon to mock the ex. Kurt still hurt too much.

He looked at Kurt's blotchy face, a mixture of pale skin and tear-tracked red patches. He knew it couldn't have been easy for Kurt to be so open to him, even if, since that night in his apartment, he kind of trusted him. Despite that trust, he looked like he was still bracing himself, expecting a verbal blow any time now. Sebastian took in the way he was sitting, all hunched over and suffering, and suddenly felt a flaming sensation of...anger? Towards Blaine for doing this to Kurt. First, he had to be the gentleman, wooing Kurt carefully and politely, giving him his 'teenage dream' and then, after Kurt had given himself over completely, he had to betray him like that over a few weeks of blue balls? What made it worse was knowing that his anger should also be directed at himself. 

Sebastian had tried to convince Blaine to do the same, all for the glory of the Warblers and a little taste of his innocent schoolboy sweetness. It could have happened much the same way last year. If Blaine had caved in to his advances, Kurt would have been sitting on such a bench in Lima, just as heartbroken, talking to someone else. Only Sebastian wouldn't have known about it, wouldn't have seen the effects of his actions- he would have had Blaine and the Warblers' Captain title and would have felt good about himself. It made him feel slightly sick. What if his flirting had been the first step to Blaine realising he could have others next to Kurt? Was he partially responsible? He pushed that thought far away as soon as it came and focused back on Kurt. It was in the past, and he couldn't change that now. All he could do was try to help his friend.

"But what about just going on a date without any kissing?" He suggested carefully. "I mean, just because you'd had sex with someone doesn't mean that every new relationship you start has to go all the way, right away, right? I mean, sex is great but I'm told it's not the only thing about relationships." He smiled self-consciously. "I know, that sounds bizarre coming from someone whose dates last about 20 minutes."

Kurt scoffed, but there was a little smile hidden in his eyes. Sebastian continued.

"Just...take it slow. Find out if you have something in common, if you like hanging out with this guy. I'm pretty sure that you'll stop thinking about Blaine soon enough. And if you still feel bad about f-... doing something with someone else, you don't have to. There's no one saying you should, just to be counted as a person or something."

Kurt shook his head. "You sound like my dad," he mumbled, laughing a little. "I think I might have fallen into a parallel universe. I never thought that one day,  _ Sebastian Smythe  _ would be telling me to  _ not _ put out on a first date."

Sebastian chuckled. "What can I say? I'm full of surprises." He glanced at Kurt. "You can call me 'big daddy' if you want," he teased.

"Eeew! That's so gross!" Kurt let out, punching Sebastian on the arm with the hand that held the muffin. It crumbled against his polo shirt. Kurt stared at it in horror and looked so comically sorrowful that Sebastian had to laugh.

"I'm gonna interpret that sad look for the physical violence and not the loss of your muffin," he said. Kurt nodded, blushing hotly as he brushed down the crumbs from Sebastian's shirt with both hands. 

"Thanks, Sebastian," he said softly as he finished. "For the coffee and the muffin, and...I should go. I called in sick at work this morning, but maybe I could use the distraction."

"Yeah. Sounds good," Sebastian replied. "I should get back inside before Francis starts showing the ultrasounds to customers." He gave Kurt one last look. "You know where to find me," he offered, feeling a little awkward. He knew Kurt had only come to him because Rachel was busy and he didn't know anyone else in New York. Still, if it had helped a little, then maybe he wasn't so worthless as his dad said he was. 


	17. Chapter 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kurt goes out on a date, and has an epiphany.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Timeframe: season 4, after "Glease"

**01:12 a.m. KurtH. @StSebastien :** still awake?  
  
**01:13 a.m. StSebastian @ KurtH. :** sure, just got home. Y? U ok?

 **01:15 a.m KurtH. @StSebastien :** could you type whole words please? We're not 12.

 **01:16 a.m. StSebastian @ KurtH. :** dear Mr Hummel, may I enquire as to the state of your well-being? :P  
  
Kurt smiled and after making sure that Rachel was asleep, dialled Sebastian's number. He picked up almost immediately.

"Hey. Sorry I'm calling so late. I just figured, you might still be up," Kurt started.

"Yeah, no problem. What's going on?"

Kurt sighed deeply and settled back against his pillow, tucking his legs up under himself. "I just got back from my date with Chase."

It remained silent for a while on the other end. "And you're sure you wouldn't rather talk to Rachel about that while you paint each other's toenails or something?" Sebastian finally offered lightly.

"She's asleep," Kurt confessed. "Besides, I called you because I want to talk to _you_. And I don't paint my toenails!"

"Okay," Sebastian replied, and Kurt could just _hear_ him smile with satisfaction that his little joke had gotten a rise out of him. "Shoot. How did it go?"

Kurt could hear rustling on the other end, and then running water. "What are you doing?" he asked, distracted.

"Making coffee," Sebastian replied. "Don't deflect."

Kurt made a face at his phone but started to tell Sebastian anyway. "So, at first, we went to dinner and it was quite nice. The food was great and we talked about work and about Isabelle and about his career as a designer... time flew by and suddenly we were at desert. So I asked him if he wanted to go some place else, like maybe where they had music, and I asked if he wanted to go to that karaoke place near your Starbucks-"

"You asked your _date_ to a karoke bar?" Sebastian interrupted, sounding surprised.

"Yeah. Why not? Blaine and I used to go out singing a lot," Kurt replied, shrugging even though he knew Sebastian couldn't see it.

Sebastian rolled his eyes and poured himself a cup of coffee. "Nothing. Just go on," he said, wondering where this story was going to take them.

"Chase said he didn't really like singing, but I managed to convince him to come anyway. You know how people get when it's their first time singing in public, they're all shy and nervous but once they get started they really love it..."

"Mmm..." Sebastian let out, taking a sip of his coffee. It was instant, but better than nothing.

"So I figured I could go first and I sang a couple of songs and when I got back, I asked him if he had found anything in the song book that he wanted to sing." Kurt paused. "He said he hardly knew any of the songs in there. Bas, it was like all 90s and 00s in there, plus all the classics, Streisand, Sinatra- and how can anyone _not_ know ' _I did it my way'_?"

Sebastian smirked. "Maybe he just really didn't want to sing?" he suggested.

"Yeah," Kurt replied, plucking at the threads on his blanket absent-mindedly as he thought about it. "I guess so. But I really wanted to hear him sing so we went through all the songs until he finally admitted he knew one. Guess."

Sebastian frowned into his coffee mug. "No idea. What?"

"' _Hit me baby one more time'_ , from Britney Spears," Kurt replied, his voice low and full of indignation for his Barbra being scorned.

Sebastian laughed. "Oh god! He didn't sing that, did he?"

Kurt remained silent for a moment.

"He did?" Sebastian asked, sounding incredulous. He had no idea what this Chase guy was like, but from Kurt's stories (and his own Google research) he didn't seem like the kind of guy who could pull such a song off.

Kurt sighed deeply. "It was awful, Sebastian. He couldn't carry a tune at all. The audience booed him off the stage after half a song. He doesn't have any musical talent whatsoever. I'm not even sure he can clap a rhythm!"

Sebastian shook his head. "That's terrible," he offered.

"It was," Kurt agreed. "And I felt awful for putting him through that, but at the same time, I was so disappointed, you know?" He sighed again. "I tried to make it up to him but from that point, it kind of felt like he was looking for an excuse to call it a night..."

"Hmm," Sebastian replied, swirling the dregs of his coffee in his cup. "I guess he was just embarrassed, Kurt. He'll be okay. Just do something else with him next time."

"Yeah, but..." Kurt chewed his lip, not sure if he should say what was on his mind. "The thing is," he started quietly, cradling his phone against his shoulder and the side of his face as he pulled the blanket over his knees, "I'm not sure I want there to be a next time. I mean, it's just... Music is a large part of my life. When I sing, I feel like I can fully be myself, express my feelings...I'm not sure I can be with someone who doesn't appreciate that. I mean, he doesn't have to be able to serenade me, but Blaine-" He broke off and paused. He didn't want to talk about his ex-boyfriend, but the fact was, between Finn and Sam and Blaine, he had never been attracted to anyone without any musical talent. Because of that, he had just assumed Chase could sing, too. "Does that sound... is that stupid?"

Sebastian put his mug down and walked up to the window. Looking out over the city (possibly in the direction of Bushwick), he said: "No. That's not stupid. I think you're right. You need someone who has a connection to music, and who understands _your_ connection to music. You need a guy who knows you feel homesick when you play the Beatles, and who knows how to give you space when you're listening to Evanesence, and who can bear your endless replay of the Wicked Soundtrack when you're in a good mood or Les Mis when you're not. And he probably has to be able to bear you bursting out in song every now and then in public places, too."

Kurt could hear the familiar tilt of Sebastian's voice at the last words, and knew he was teasing. He couldn't resist smiling along. "Yeah, there's always a risk of that, it is true," he joked.

"But Kurt- you can't expect anyone to know that right from the start. Getting to know someone like that takes time and trust. It's not really fair to Chase to ask him to get it all right on a first date," Sebastian continued.

Kurt considered Sebastian's words. He was right. After Blaine, he had kind of expected any future partner to step in and know everything. It had worked with Blaine, hadn't it? They had had this instant connection. There was probably no one who knew him as well as Blaine had (no one male, anyway; Mercedes and Rachel might, but he wasn't about to date _them_ , thanks very much). Then something occurred to him. _Sebastian_ knew all of that.

"Sebastian?"

"Mmm?"

"I need to sleep now, but...can I see you tomorrow?" It was Sebastian's only day off in the week and Kurt knew it was asking a lot of him. But now that he had had this epiphany, he needed to know. He concentrated hard on the sounds coming from the other side of the phone line.

"I guess so," Sebastian finally said. "Do you wanna come over in the morning?"

Kurt felt slightly giddy. Was it a date if he said yes? "Yes."


	18. Chapter 18

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kurt has a proposition for Sebastian.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Timeframe: season 4, after "Glease"

Kurt knocked on the door of Sebastian's apartment, holding a paper bag with breakfast and coffee. He had already had a large coffee on the way there, too. He had hardly slept. All night, he had been questioning his own motives. Was this still a rebound? Was he doing this because he didn't want to be alone? Or was it because, over the past months, he had actually come to care about Sebastian? 

The more he thought about it, the more he closed off the first options. He wasn't looking for someone to take Blaine's place, to find a Blaine 2.0- getting to know Sebastian, he had realized he wanted a lot more than that. Yes, he missed Blaine's romantic little messages and the way they would finish each other's sentences, and maybe Sebastian was not the kind of guy who would sit through movie nights with the Andrew Lloyd Webber DVD box or the Julie Andrews collection - but he also had a lot to offer that Blaine didn't. He was very aware of his own sexuality and its effect on people; he took risks, he had a quick temper and at least as many layers and shields around his heart as Kurt did- all of these things that Kurt used to file under bad qualities and had come to re-evaluate since he got to know Sebastian. Underneath the sarcasm and the attitude, Kurt had recognised something familiar in the other boy. As the sun had risen and Kurt had nearly passed out from lack of sleep, one clear thought remained in his head: since he met Blaine, he had tried to become like him, to emulate his calm and gentle nature, to temper his own ego to be like the boy he admired so much. He had  _ wanted _ them to be soul mates and worked on himself to make it work. But all this time, he had been far more like Sebastian; egocentric. Ambitious. Driven. Passionate.

The door opened. Kurt looked at Sebastian; he was wearing low-riding blue jeans and his washed out  _ I <3 Paris _ t-shirt. He looked tired and his hair was tousled; not the result of a styled 'bed-head' product, but the real thing.

"Did I wake you up?" Kurt asked, instantly forgetting the rehearsed speech he had wanted to give as soon as he saw the other boy. "You didn't forget I was coming over, did you? I mean, if this is a bad time..."  _ Please don't have a guy in there _ , Kurt wished fervently.

Sebastian shrugged and ran a hand through his hair. "I didn't forget. I just don't do the whole grooming thing on my days off. I showered, though."

Kurt smiled with relief and rolled his eyes a little. In that, they were different, at least. He'd never  _ not _ do his hair or facial routine- especially when he knew someone was coming over. 

"Can I come in? I got breakfast."

Sebastian nodded and stepped aside, making room for him. 

"So what's this about?" Sebastian asked as he closed the door. "Did something happen with Chase that you couldn't tell me on the phone?"

"Oh no, nothing like that," Kurt said lightly. "Just a social call, you know, breakfast with friends." He put the bag down on the windowsill and turned to face Sebastian. "Actually, that's not true. The friends part. I came to see if you... if we..." He took a deep breath and let it out slowly. "Do you think we could be more than friends?"

Sebastian, who had started to frown as Kurt said they weren't friends, looked at Kurt in surprise. "Like...what?"

Kurt swallowed. He gathered his remaining courage and took a few steps towards the other boy. "Like lovers. Partners. Boyfriends."

"Would you want that?" Sebastian asked. "I'm not boyfriend material, Kurt - I'm not going to be the guy who remembers anniversaries and brings you roses or writes you poems-"

"I know," Kurt cut him off. "But I don't need that. I thought I did; I had this whole list of things I thought were important, like, I didn't think I could ever be with someone who hadn't read  _ The Picture of Dorian Gray _ -"

"You had a  _ list _ ?" Sebastian repeated, a smile breaking through on his face. Kurt narrowed his eyes and punched him softly on the arm.

"Shut up! I was just saying that I know now that those things aren't important. Blaine had all the qualities on my list and yet he still- ....and yet it didn't work out," Kurt corrected himself. Maybe he should stop blaming Blaine for the entire break-up. He looked up at Sebastian. "Since we've met here in New York you've shown me a side of you I didn't know existed. I trust you. You make me feel safe. You know more about me than my friends do. My  _ other _ friends-" he corrected himself. "And, as much as I am loathe to admit it, yesterday after I told you about Chase and the things I expect a guy to be, something you said made me realise that the guy I want to date is actually...  _ you _ ."

Sebastian was speechless. It was like, this time, he was the one waiting for the punch line. When none was forthcoming, he said: "I don't know if this is a good idea."

"Oh, it's not," Kurt agreed. "It's crazy and we'll probably kill each other in the process." His lips curled up in a smile and he gave Sebastian a lidded look. "But I think it'll be worth it."

Sebastian laughed. "if your friends don't kill me first," he said, chuckling.

Kurt shook his head. "They'd have to go through me. And in all honesty, I think they'd just want to see me happy. And this-" he gestured around the room, including Sebastian with a swipe of his hand, " our coffees, our dinners... spending time with you... is making me happier than I've been since I left Lima."

Sebastian raised an eyebrow. "Even when I make fun of your outfits and your obsessive evening skin care rituals?"

"Even then," Kurt replied, rolling his eyes.

Sebastian grinned. "So I can keep doing that  _ and _ get the benefits? Nice..." His smirk faded quickly as Kurt replied.

"Yes. But you may want to tone it down when you're in Lima to meet my dad." It was Kurt's time to smirk. Sebastian had visibly paled at the mention of his father. His dad really wasn't so bad, but it wouldn't hurt to keep Sebastian on his toes for a little.

"You mean, like, for real?" Sebastian had already met Kurt's dad, but not in the father-in-law, hi-I'm-the-one-boning-your-son kind of way.

"At some point," Kurt said, having mercy on him. "Why don't we give it some time and see how it goes?" 

Sebastian's posture relaxed, but Kurt knew there was one more tricky issue to tackle. "Bas," he started carefully, "if we try this...thing...I want you to make me one promise." His eyes strayed, searching for a place to settle that wasn't Sebastian's face. "If you get bored with me and you want to see other people-"

"Kurt."

"No, hear me out. If that happens, I want you to be honest with me. And tell me...before." Kurt looked up into Sebastian's eyes.

Sebastian let out a breath. The hurt underneath Kurt's request was still so raw, that all Sebastian wanted to do was gather him up in his arms and tell him he would never, ever do that to him. But if he was honest to himself, he knew such promises were empty. He didn't know what the future would bring. How being together in New York would change them. There was always a chance he'd meet someone. He knew himself pretty well, and he had never been able to resist temptation all that well. To claim that that would never happen was naive.

"Okay," he finally said, his voice a little rough. "I promise." 

Kurt offered him a small smile and for a moment, they just looked at each other. Then Kurt remembered the cooling coffee on the window sill. "Breakfast?" he offered. Sebastian nodded. As Kurt started unpacking the paper bag, taking out croissants and capped paper cups of coffee, Sebastian sat down on the bed and watched the boy arrange everything on the make-shift table. Then he thought of something and grinned.

"Oh, Kurt? Remember what I told you about not putting out on the first date?" he asked idly, a smile in his voice, "complete nonsense. Never mind that."

Kurt laughed and turned to face him. "Don't worry," he said, his eyes glittering with promise, "this is not our first date."


	19. Chapter 19

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Final chapter - Sebastian makes a decision.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This epilogue was written before I knew I was going to write a sequel - Bildungsromance II skips back to the events of ch 18.
> 
> Timeframe: season 4, shortly before Christmas

Kurt came up from behind unexpectedly and wrapped his arms around Sebastian. The other boy quickly tried to minimize the window on his laptop, but it was too late.

"What are you doing? Are you booking a trip?" Kurt asked curiously, looking at the website over Sebastian's shoulder. "Where to?"

Sebastian sighed. "To Paris."

"We're going to Paris?!" Kurt exclaimed, sounding excited. He squeezed Sebastian tightly before letting go and stepping around him to look at his face. Why wasn't he saying anything?

" _I'm_ going to Paris. _You're_ going to NYADA," Sebastian corrected him quietly, closing his laptop with a soft click. The acceptance letter had arrived yesterday and after a long and exuberant party with Rachel and their new New York friends, Sebastian had had a long time to think.

"But not until after Christmas," Kurt said, and then paused. "It's not just a holiday, is it?"

Sebastian looked up at him and already regretted what he was about to say. Still, he knew it was for the best. "Kurt, the last few weeks have been...amazing. But it's time to face the facts. You're going off to into this whole new chapter of your life; NYADA, Broadway, fame. All day long you'll be surrounded by talented people who are just like you, who share your big dreams. I'm not a part of that world. When you're out there achieving all of those things you've always dreamed of, there will be no room in your life for me. I'd just hold you back." He paused and looked away, unable to keep looking at the tears that had started to gather in Kurt's eyes. "Not to mention, in six months, Blaine will be coming to New York-" he continued, but there, Kurt cut him off.

"Stop it. Stop it, Sebastian. Look at me." His voice was so full of determination that Sebastian couldn't help but do what he said. "This is not about Blaine. Stop being a coward. I don't know where this is coming from, but I'm not going to let you throw everything away. Running off to Paris! And then what, Bas? What will you do there? Huh? Do you think you can just move back into your old college dorm to go back to your life of... of doing nothing but fucking everything with two legs?"

Sebastian blinked. Kurt's vocabulary had certainly taken a turn for the worse since they got together. "Kurt, I don't-" he started, but Kurt shook his head.

"For the last half year, you've been working your ass off to make enough money to get into NYU. And all of the sudden, you want to throw that all away, and worse: blame _me_ for it? Don't use me and our relationship as an excuse for your own fears, Sebastian. If you're afraid you aren't gonna cut it at NYU, just say so - so I can tell you you're being ridiculous and we can get over it. But I'm not going to let you pull a Finn on me." Kurt was practically seething by now, his eyes fierce and blazing with green fire. Sebastian stared at him.

'Pull a.. a what?" he stammered.

"A Finn," Kurt bit back. "Last year after graduation, Finn and Rachel were going to get married and then she got into NYADA and he suddenly felt the need to 'set her free' to be a star. It was bullshit. He was just too chicken to man up and make plans for himself." He raised his chin and stared down at Sebastian. Then his expression softened. "I know you'll be fine at NYU. You're smart, and determined, and you would never have graduated at Dalton if you weren't capable of applying yourself." He paused and put a hand on his boyfriend's shoulder. "And if you're worried I'll have less time for you once I start school, I can promise you, I won't make the same mistake twice. I lost Blaine that way and I will not do that to you. Besides, after the weeks we spent together, do you really think I wouldn't want to make time in my schedule for you? You're addictive, you know."

Sebastian laughed a little. "That's true," he admitted cockily. Then his face fell a little. "Half of the professors at NYU are old friends of my dad's," he said quietly. "What if he told them about me, about... the stuff I got up to? They'd never give me a fair chance."

Kurt tightened his hand on Sebastian's shoulder. "Then you'll have to show them you've changed, like you showed me." He offered Sebastian a sly smile. "And if that doesn't work, I'll help you blackmail them."

Sebastian laughed out loud. "I really corrupted you, haven't I?" he said, chuckling. He put his arms around his boyfriend and pulled him onto his lap.

"No, you haven't," Kurt replied happily, "you should have seen me in freshman year."


End file.
